I used to apologize for going on vacation; I was afraid it seemed lazy and self-indulgent. And how can you pay your bills that way?

Left to my own devices, I work all the time, which is neither healthy nor creative.

As I enter the autumn of life, I learn to think differently and feel differently. No one else can love me if I don’t love myself. If I don’t take care of myself, there is no hope for me.

A vacation is a gift to Maria and me, and hopefully to those who follow our lives.

Vacations, I have learned, are as important as work. They refresh, renew perspective, replenish the spirit and remind me of what is essential in life. Sometimes, I feel like a stranger to me. I will spend some time with myself.

When I think of myself on vacation, I think of a hot running engine, hissing and steaming and slowly, day by day, cooling down and coming to a halt.

What I should apologize for, I now know,  is not taking more vacations more often. I’ve fallen victim to the American idea of fighting every day for survival in a world that values money.

When the car pulls out of the driveway, and I leave my everyday life behind, I feel differently, mile by mile, freeer, quieter, more at peace.

I will return nicer, healthier, and more thoughtful. For someone who does his living writing for other people, that is no less than they deserve and no less than I deserve.

Maria and I are busy all the time, and these days together will replenish us and fuel our relationship. I never take us for granted; I don’t believe in love that is unconditional. I work at it every day. I want to earn it, not assume it.

She and I will slow down and come together beautifully, as we always do.

Together we are reminded of the importance and meaning of love and what matters in life, not what we are told and trained and frightened and manipulated into thinking matters.

Together, we get to deepen our connections, speak openly and at leisure, and experience the wonder of simply being together. I can’t quite believe it.

On vacation, I am free to follow my news, the real news of my life, not the violence, anger, lies, and greed of their news.  It breaks my heart to see what broken men are doing to humanity. But it won’t bring me down.

On vacation, I return to the roots of empathy and compassion and breathe both deeply.

On vacation, I disconnect from the corrosive and disturbing IV our machines and devices bring us all day. They inject anger and fear into our very blood.

I’m taking my earphones for music, and three books for reading, including Four Treasures Of The Sky, by Jenny Tinghui Zang. We plan on long walks by the ocean. And sleeping late, something we never get to do with animals on a farm and dogs to walk and let out and feed.

Our way of life takes our souls and hearts from us and sometimes makes us fearful, angry, and disconnected from the spiritual life that is our right.

Time away returns us to a place of meaning and peace, and yes, love, that poor, beaten up, overused,  but so important word. We take some time to reacquaint ourselves with one another and us.

The Automn Of Life can be a beautiful time. At this point in my life, I finally have the potential to be colorful, sometimes wise, funny, caring, patient, and joyous.

Like the flower and the trees, my ability to find joy is bloomingly splendidly in the time before I die. I will take time to read more of the call of Jesus to a life of simplicity, giving, and good.

I follow Jesus not as a God, but as a role model. He was the original Army Of Good.

I will sit at the spiritual stream on vacation, sit on my patio, listen to the ocean waves, and let my mind settle down and wander.

And yes, I have some lobster almost every night, and one night, I plan to violate my food plan with some juicy whole belly clams. That is what vacations are for, seeking our blessing and following it for a few days and breaking a couple of rules.

We leave this afternoon (Saturday) and will return on Thursday. Be safe. Be positive. Be peaceful. If you can, one small act of kindness every day. Food for the soul.