21 February

What Is Self Awareness Anyway? How Do I Find It? Taking The Risk… The World Keeps Going On

by Jon Katz

Every spiritual writer that I  read and love says pretty much the same thing about self-awareness. It is necessary to be self-aware to have a meaningful life, a peaceful life, and a merciful life.

Self-awareness is said to make that possible.

Thomas Merton says self-awareness comes from solitude. Henri Nouwen says it comes from isolation, silence, and prayer. Reality, says C.S. Lewis,  is not neat, not apparent, not what you expect.

All the great spiritual thinkers say the same thing. Self-awareness comes from looking inside of ourselves, not outside.

No one can do this for us. If I take the time and have the faith and the will, I can sometimes get there, even if I don’t like what I see.

Few people can explain to me what self-awareness is. I think it is the truth and knowledge and honesty that takes us to our sacred center, whatever that is.

I can’t say it’s one thing or another, but I’m pretty sure it resides in all of us.

Anne Lamott comes very close to my own belief: self-awareness comes from mercy and empathy, the reflections of ourselves that we see in others, people we love, and people we don’t. It comes from small things, not big things.

It comes from the good things we do, however small.

Goodness and hope, she writes, come out of the smallest gestures: sharing some of your good deeds, picking up litter, helping search for the lost, welcoming home the found.

Then you have opened doors that had been shut, with moments of holy kindness and generosity, in which we see the outreach of God or goodness. I came to self-awareness of a kind in my work at the Mansion and Bishop Maginn High School.

Love and mercy mean so much to these people, young and old; it brings great peace to me to see it.

I saw who I was while working with the elderly and the refugees, who I wasn’t, and who I wanted to be. We dance all around vulnerability and need and even death.

Self-awareness is not about learning to love me; it’s about learning to see myself clearly and honestly—Hard work, even for a saint, which I am not.

Self-awareness for me is images of tiny things, babies, lovers, art, pictures, dogs and cows and donkeys, flowers and seeds, lovers and babies, puppies and dogs and birds, color and light, love and quiet, all the trees in the forest.

All of these things can guide me, all of them can change everything

But to see and find them, I have to stop, remove myself to a quiet place apart from the world and all of its angry and disturbing and confusing news, and all the foibles and missteps and cruelty of humans.

The world keeps going on.

I can plant my flowers, take my photos and have another cup of tea or I can keep on working on myself and my plans.

Or better yet, I can take the risk of being changed, surrounded and inspired, and led by this strange and alluring mesh called mercy, the thread that grows into a mighty river and flows right to the sacred center.

It is the closest to the joy that I ever come, apart from my wonderful wife. This is what I see and feel when I take the leap of faith and go inside of me. It is frightening and exhilarating at the same time.

There, writes Lamott, is the River Jordan, the channel that flows between the lagoon and the sea.

5 Comments

  1. I have found that self awareness comes from humility. A practiced, intentional humility that is difficult to achieve, much less retained, but available nonetheless.

  2. Is the difference between self-awareness and self-consciousness that one who is self-conscious gives too much weight to the negative traits all humans have?

  3. Jon… This is a great question. Here is my response.

    In Engineering Mechanics, a force is can be represented as having both magnitude and direction. When I think about self-awareness, these two properties come to mind.

    As well as their innate skills and talents, values such as honesty, integrity, or fair play contribute to a person’s makeup. A person could be described as having strengths (“magnitude”) in these areas. We start our worldly journey by developing these attributes.

    As we develop, the acts of applying these attributes multiply our deeds and accomplishments, as each milestone moves us towards our life’s aim (“direction”).

    For self-awareness, the first property could describe, “Who I am.” The second could answer “What I will do with it.”

    During an early period of self-discovery, I looked in the mirror expecting a grand revelation. All I saw was a pair of brown eyes looking back. I thought, “this reflection isn’t going to help me. I will need to try some things and see what works: what seems to provide a benefit, and how it makes me feel.”

    I recognized that my technical education had left gaps in becoming a complete person.

    • In the arts, with no musical background, I took piano lessons. After sweating through a “shaky hands” recital with elementary school performers, I didn’t progress much. But I acquired a classical music ear, and came to appreciate real talent.

    • During a religious phase, I experienced human compassion while visiting homebound individuals, and noted that the activity was mutually beneficial. Much later I became a Medicare counselor, to assist newly retired individuals in determining their health plans. I also volunteered with the nonprofit “Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic”, and prepared income taxes for lower-income individuals.

    • To become a productive American citizen, I became interested in national affairs and volunteered during a political campaign. A valuable college course was called “Contemporary Issues.” For homework, we read the “Week in Review” section of the NY Times. In class we discussed its content. Belatedly, I continued self-education in American and World History, and observed C-SPAN to learn Civics as if a student.

    It’s important to distinguish the independent development of values from social influences. While “other-directed” influences might introduce personally biased information from friends, acquaintances, or other social contacts, “self-directed” growth comes from the individual’s own conclusions after weighing reputable input.

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