Maria knows me as well as anyone in my life, and she says she thinks I always wanted to have color in my life and my clothes; I just had too poor a body image to do it.

Looking at this photo Maria took of me yesterday (she was not happy I had no coat on), I see the changes more clearly. I don’t miss the baseball cap, oversized blue jeans, and blue farmer’s shirt. It got old a long time ago.

Maria is brilliant and I trust her opinions. Many people are telling me I’m changing, and I am changing, I guess, but only up to a point. I don’t believe people can grow into different people. I am me and will always be me. Within that context, I can develop and evolve.

I think getting older has something to do with the new clothes I’ve been getting and wearing. As people get older, I’ve noticed they wear clothes with more color, dye their hair and wear gleaming white sneakers. I’m not looking for any pastel colors, but I need more color on my body.

And my shoes are black and brown.

I don’t think clothes make a man, as much as I like my new ones. I think self-awareness and an open mind and love, compassion and empathy make the man. Those are the things I work the hardest on.

These chambray shirts and jeans were getting old, and I was bored. Maria points out that I’ve always bought her clothes with bright colors, and she says that is what I have always wanted for myself. Maybe so.l I imagine I was hiding behind myself.

Time to come out, time is getting short.

Yesterday, I went out to take a photo in the pasture, and Maria was not happy that I didn’t have a winter coat on. I didn’t have time; the sheep were almost done eating.

I got to wear the fantastic new winter hat that John Imhof made for me and had on some of my new clothes, all from a recent California clothing company that some University of California students started.

I like the fabric, color, and design very much; it suits me, is comfortable, and is pretty conservative, which is the way I want to dress now. There is no reason for me to be head to toe in Navy blue every day of my life.

It is a time of rebirth for me. I’m eating differently, losing weight steadily, am sleeping more, working hard on my photography, writing often and well, taking better care of my body, yakking regularly with my daughter, very much in love,  listening to my doctors for a change. I’m learning to take good care of myself.

I’m sure living with Maria is a significant factor in all of this. She has great energy, creativity, enthusiasm, and a love of life. We are a great match. She is worth living for, and I don’t want that time spent with needing a caretaker in my own house.

Before, I didn’t see a lot of reasons to live too long, so I wasn’t trying. I’m paying attention now. My heart is strong, my diabetes is under control my foot healed.

I know I’m not going to be on the earth too much longer, but I’d like to continue my perfect life for a while.

I like these changes. They do make me feel better about myself, which makes me feel better about other people., and about my life and work. There is something to taking responsibility for yourself.