I had a friend once who had a smart and savvy mutt; he decided that he would never give her a treat of any kind under any circumstances.

Her name was Lulu, and I was so impressed by her and the way she was raised I named our second donkey Lulu. I loved my friend; I had great respect and affection for him. We spent a lot of time together.

He didn’t want her to obey because of food but out of loyalty and choice. And it worked for him.

He didn’t want her to be a pest. She turned out to be a great dog, well-behaved, healthy, and without interest or expectations about eating beyond her day food – one cup, twice a day,and the occasional chipmunk or rabbit.

As it happened, my friend – he was my closest friend – moved away one day without telling me he was going,  which I learned about when I stopped by to say hello.

I never heard from him again. Our friendship was an illusion, or perhaps a delusion on my part. I might have offended him in some way I don’t know about, but I’ll never know. It made me very way of friends.

Even then, I’m guessing my real friendship was with Lulu, a carbon copy of another dog I love, the Amish family’s dog Tina. She’s another great dog who has never had a treat and doesn’t care.

My friend ignored my e-mails and phone calls.

I ran into him years later at a graduation party, and he was shocked to see me and learn that I was divorced and about to remarry.

He made no mention of our friendship or the brutal and somewhat cruel way it ended, he had no regrets or apologies to offer. I wonder if he even remembered it.  I learned that Lulu died a few years ago.

I wondered how all of this related to his great love for his Lulu and his Calvinist approach to her – no treats ever – and his coldness and indifference towards me. I’ve never figured friendship out or been good at it.

I loved Lulu but there was no cuddling, scratching or overt shows of affection. Like my friend, it was a bit cold.

Dogs reflect and reveal us in many ways; I’ve often thought about dogs and treats. I give my dogs treats two or three times a day. My dogs have opened me up to human connection, they have brought me to people, not pulled me away. I just think of Maria’s dog Frieda and the impact she had on my life. She almost literally brought us together and helped Maria trust me.

Dog treats have evolved, just like dogs themselves.

There are all kinds of new, sugar and fat-free, and healthy kinds of dog treats – digestible rawhide with few or no calories and marrow bones mostly purchased at grocery store meat departments.

My friend’s attitudes were surprising and unusual, given that Americans spedt $95 billion a year on dog feeding, treats, and care. Dog owners spend an average of $1,480 a year on basic dog expenses every year. Healthy dog food and quality treats cost somewhere from $20 to $60 per month depending on how healthy the treats are and how thoughtful the dog owners are.

I credit my friend with perspective. He argued correctly that it was people who needed to have dog treats around, dogs lived for many thousands of years without them.

I know a lot of trainers who argue against treats. “The dog should obey for you,” not obey the food, one told me.

Speaking only for myself, I, do believe in treats, especially healthy ones. They make it simple for training, especially for positive reinforcement training, which is the kind of dog training I do. When I get a dog, I call their name and toss them a treat. They learn their name in seconds, which is a safety issue – they will come when called.

Treats were essential in training and calming Bud, a terrified and savagely abused rescue from Arkansas. He knew what it was like to be hungry – food was his path back.

Dogs love to eat, and they pay close attention and love those who feed them. This sets the tone for the relationship, as long as it isn’t overdone. I know many dog lovers who become addicted to offering treats, many more than the dog needs or that are healthy.

Used properly, the dog can learn to like people where treats are involved, they have greatly helped my training. My dogs love to train, and that makes it a lot easier for them to learn.

I give treats to children to feed my dogs, and I train my therapy dogs around children and the elderly with treats. (No treats around the elderly or young people once the dog is adult and past training. The people are the work, not the treats. My dogs get that.)

Supervised treat offering is a good way to get children to trust dogs (and vice versa) and learn how to approach and feed them safely.

These days, my dogs come to me when it’s time for their mid-morning treat.

I never give dogs treats for nothing; they have to sit, stay or come when called every time. This sharpens their recall and is also an essential part of the calming training I think dogs need. Most dogs know how to do everything but nothing. Teaching them is important.

I will offer some treats to my dogs when they are calm and quiet. After a while, the number of treats can be reduced to almost nothing. They will remember their lessons though.

I believe dog training never ends; it is how my dogs and I often communicate with each other; it is part of the language we use in the absence of words.

It is true, as my friend demonstrated, that dogs can live quite happily without treats; treats are a corporate, mostly American invention, a tribute to the capitalist tradition of making and selling things, about 90 percent of which we don’t need.

My sister collects bloody deer bones from Mennonites and feeds them to her dogs at dinner. She insists this is far healthier than any dog food.

I’ve learned to study the data about the food I buy for myself. I do it for the dogs as well. No sugar, no fats, no fillers.

Until the 1950’s dog treats didn’t exist in their current form; when my father wanted to give our dog King a treat, he saved a piece of chicken or bread from dinner or a mostly empty gravy bowl and put it outside. He would have keeled over in shock if he were alive to see the money I spent on healthy and digestible dog treats.

Sorry dad, times change.

I favor treats for dogs, but I am also disciplined about it, for the dog’s sake and the sake of my budget. The treats are small, healthy with few calories, and are highly digestible.

They don’t cause weight gain, diarrhea, or any other stomach disorder. I am partial to marrow bones, cooked or bought in packages. They have few calories and last a very long time and are healthy for a dog’s teeth and gums.

My dogs get treats once in the morning and most days, once in the evening before bedtime and when they go to their crates. (Treats are wonderful for crate training, I toss them in the crate and when the dog comes in, I just close the gate. The dog’s associations with crates are all good.)

Sometimes, they get small treats or bits of kibble during our training sessions. They are never fed human food or any food from the dinner table.

I admire what my former friend did in skipping treats for Lulu, who loved to sit out in snowstorms until only her eyes were visible. Then she would pounce on moles and mice trekking through the snow.

She was a great country dog but didn’t have to reckon with traffic or many speeding parcel delivery trucks. Trucks make city life a lot more bearable for dog owners.  Lulu roamed freely and safely and avoided roads.

I realize that dog treats can be wasteful and unnecessary.

But I believe in them, used wisely and cautiously. My dogs have learned to come for their daily treats. Otherwise, they don’t bother me or bug me.   Begging is never rewarded. When it’s time, they gather quietly and respectfully, otherwise, there are no treats.

No jumping is ever permitted or rewarded.

Treats for me are part of how my dogs and I speak to one another. My dogs are very well-behaved and are focused on when we go outside.

Treats help me to make it all work, they encourage us to love one another.