“Then all at once, he was standing there, So sure of himself, his head in the air

My heart was breaking; which one would it be? You turned around and walked away with me.”

— Roy Orbison, Running Scared

I’m home in the farmhouse. It is cold and getting dark.

Maria is upstairs preparing to ship something she made and sold.

The animals are fed, the snow shoveled, the fires in the wood stoves burning.  Zinnia is lying at my feet, the animals are in the pole barn for the night, fed and dry. I’m making some tea, and shortly, I’ll reconnect with a cherished friend on the phone.

I’m in my study listening to Roy Orbison, who I have always loved listening to, and sorting through the daily messages. He has always felt like a friend to me, even though I never met him and he sure never heard of me.

When I listen to his music, it opens up memories, I feel like we’re talking to each other, sometimes seeing things the same way, sometimes not. Today we talked about love and joy.

Roy Orbison has the gift of being wise, mournful, hopeful, and loving all at once.  He knows what it is like to hurt and love and reflects both in his beautiful music.

Thanks for the surprising and overwhelmingly kind response to our discussion about social media, love, hostility, and my blog. This is a sweet counterpoint to all of the anger and rage rampant in our world.

I am awash in good feelings and kind words and am grateful for each one. It is wrong to focus only on the cruel and the angry, this enables a distorted and ugly vision of humanity.

If I don’t love myself, I know I can’t love anyone else, and no one else can love me. I feel a great deal of love washing over me and my very precious blog. It feels healing and good.

Love hurts, love scars, wrote Orbison in Love Hurts, one of his many great songs. “Love wounds and marks.  Any heart not tough enough or strong enough to take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain.”

“Love is like a cloud,” he wrote, “Holds a lot of rain...Some fools think of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness; some fools fool themselves, I guess; they’re not kidding me.”

“I know it isn’t true,” he wrote, I know it isn’t true, Love is just a lie, Made to make you blue, Love hurts…”

I never believed those lyrics coming from Roy; his songs say otherwise. He knew love, and he missed it when he didn’t have it. His songs are full of loss, not anger. And some heartbreak. He sang from the heart.

I guess I’m more of a romantic than Orbison was near the end of his career; he had seen too much to embrace fairy tales or sappiness. But I do believe in happiness, blissfulness, and togetherness, and if some fools fool themselves about it, I’m one of them.

I’m also a kindred spirit. I know that love does often hurt. I know that hate hurts worse.

Love hurts, and I need it. Life with0ut love is much worse than life with love. I feel the love coming through in my life now and those messages, and I know it is the hate and anger that hurt people, not Love.

Thanks for sending me messages of love.

I am tough enough and strong enough to take a lot of pain and keep my hope burning bright in my soul.

Like all honest human beings, I like praise more than criticism. I know what heartbreak feels are like. And I know what joy feels like. Both walk hand in hand.

I’ve found the freedom to be me as a writer on my blog, and I’m not looking for approval or worried about disapproval. That makes some people crazy and suspicious. No one is supposed to get away with that in our greedy and spiritual world.

It’s too late for me to lie, I don’t live for the approval of others. I’m getting too old to do that, finally free to seek the approval of me.

I have worked very hard to be authentic and truthful; I no longer have the need of secrets. I am very grateful for a chance to learn how I look to some people on the other side of humanity.

Here are a few of the soft and gentle messages of today, Sunday:

“Jon, I appreciate your posts… to see life with the eyes of your inner truth. Mostly candid, we both know how challenging it is to get to a point in our lives to speak the truth about ourselves and reality as we meet it. I love your reflections about the farm, Maria, your pups, your critters, and your land. I have been moved by your learning the ways of the Amish and the friendship you have made with Moise and his family. Our readers have been invited into that — the sacred human condition of friendship and connection — with ups and downs. So I am grateful for so much… since I picked up my first volume of your works in 2014 in a rustic cabin in West Rupert. As you have shared recently about your friendship and some challenges, it has made me reflect on the goodness of friends and not pass them by. So there, dear Jon. – Thanks, John.”

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“You are so honest. That is one thing I treasure about you and your blog. You are also smart, insightful, passionate, gritty, funny, and kind. You know how to write and think and feel your feelings. Your thoughts make me think — and ask myself why I haven’t yet found a Mansion in my corner of the world.

Thanks,
Kally

P.S. I do like your columns on politics — in addition to many of your others — because I can get stuck in the muck of my own fears, and you give me a perspective that serves me better than the ditch I go to hide in when fear gets the best of me.”

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“Beautiful picture; one of my favorites so far. Personally…I have been perusing your blog for a while. I choose what I want to read depending on the subject matter. The political ones were far, far, too long for me, and I tried to stay away from it entirely. My choice; I know you understand that. I have enjoyed Amish posts, but it was too many for me…so I picked those depending on the subject. I love your photography. I love your Love for Maria and life on the farm. I truly adore dogs, so needless to say, anything you write about your dogs or other dogs, I read…and love any pix of them. Enjoy hearing about all the other animals too. First time I have commented, I think. Probably my last, as it’s just not my thing. BUT wanted to say above. Thank you, and may your holidays be filled with love and happiness.”

My Reply

Thanks for your gentle post, Linda. I’m afraid everything isn’t for everyone.

There are three billion readers out there, and few will ever read what I write, and of those that do, many won’t like it.  I am certainly not for everyone, and I understand your feelings; and thanks for your honesty and kindness, even if much of what I write is not for you.

Lots of people would be happy if I only wrote about dogs. That doesn’t work for me, I’m afraid.

I’m happy you found something you like.

It would be strange if everybody wanted everything, and I am far too restless to stick with one subject. I don’t write according to what people tell me they like; I write what I want. I know that sounds arrogant, but it’s the truth. It’s the core element of authenticity. I would be lying to my readers if I did anything else.

At its best, a blog is rich and diverse, and surprising. I’m not sure why you sent this message, but I think you were trying to say you like animals and other photos, especially dogs. Thank you.

You were honest with me, and I’ll be honest with you.  I am so pleased to use the long-form essay that E.B. White pioneered, which is the inspiration for my blog. More people read the blog than I ever imagined possible.

Stay as long as you like and enjoy what you can and comment when you wish or not if you don’t and have a happy holiday yourself. Thank you for writing. best j

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There are probably 100,000 that love you & don’t even know how to comment. (Or just don’t take the time)
If I don’t get an email soon enough, I search for you on Facebook. I genuinely look forward to your every post. The 1% that I disagree with, oh well.
I love you & wish you the very best.
Steve

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I appreciate and enjoy your openness, authenticity, and willingness to share with us as you try to find your way. It is, of course, your way, and I find it so interesting to observe. Keep it up. – Barbara

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Love feels pretty good.