Sunday was my daughter Emma’s 40th birthday (gulp), and it isn’t easy to see her as middle-aged. My granddaughter Robin made these characters and presents out of clay, which she is getting more and more interested in.

I sent some great clay kits to her this weekend and some science books as well.

Robin came on the phone when I called Emma a happy birthday and gave me her list of desired Chanukah presents. She’s interested in Darth Vader, clay-making sets, and is getting into legos. Emma and Robin celebrate Chanukah (I don’t), and I’m sorry to say this was the source of some contention in my first marriage.

When a marriage goes sour, it’s not always clear just what you are arguing about; the connections just fall apart.

My head was spinning then, and I was angry about religious rituals, and there is a lot of practice in Judaism. It might have been partly due to my Dyslexia, but I’ve always had trouble comprehending patterns and symbols.

I converted to Quakerism in my teens – I love it for its silence and simplicity –  and have drifted away from any kind of organized religion. However, I still belong to a Quaker Meeting and still find Jewish rituals challenging to grasp.

Still, I didn’t need to make an issue out of it, and wouldn’t now; that was yet another lesson in intolerance and mental illness.

Emma should follow any religion she likes, and I’m happy to support her and Robin with meaningful and timely gifts, as requested. It still brings back some painful memories for me, but I keep them to myself.

This year, I have a lot of ideas about what Christmas means to me and how I would celebrate. The Afghan refugees are coming, and that’s where I want to be, that’s what Christmas means to me.

I am grateful to have learned about intolerance and the importance of tolerance.

As is apparent, I am closer to early Christianity – the actual teachings of Christ –  than any other religious idea I’ve come across, although the Quakers have greatly influenced my life.

I was born into a Jewish family, but I have never connected with the religion. It just never felt like mine.

This became a kind of contention in my first message. I used to leave the house or even the room if Chanuka candles were lit and prayers were said, the associations were just too painful for me, and I doubt Judaism caused the pain.

Emma decided to follow her mother’s faith and bring Robin into the faith as well. I have no objections to it and am sorry I made noise about it before. My head was not in a good place.

The holidays are difficult for me, as they are for so many people, and I see the Internet and the rest of the country ramping up for another round of Christmas buying and discounts and specials.

The politicians are all screaming because supply chain programs will “ruin” the Christmas holiday for children.

They don’t seem to get that the holiday was never just about getting things and opening presents; it was a lot deeper than that. It would be a gift for a lot of people  – children especially – if the supply chain remained broken for a month or two.

That might force people to think a bit about what the holiday means and perhaps even talk to their kids about it what it means to love and care for the needy and the vulnerable.

I wish I had learned that earlier.