It’s time. Tonight, Maria will drive me to the Saratoga Hospital Sleep Lab where I will spend the night getting my head examined to see if a special mask will make me sleep longer and better.

I refused to do this for years, and never wanted to do it, but my doctors were persuasive and stopped listening to my whining and complaints. Just do it, they said, scheduling me for a bizarre sleep away.

I’m not allowed to lap this afternoon, I have to wear shorts or pajamas (or sweat pants and a T-shirt. The doctor showed me photos of what I would look like, I think I should forward them to Steven Spielberg. My late friend George Forss would have loved to see me in a mask like this, he always suspected I was an alien.

For some strange reason, a dozen people sent me photos of them in the face mask before they were tested. It would never occur to me to do that, and I hope it never does.

So I’m bringing an overnight kit. The odds of my sleeping on my back with a hundred wires sticking out of my head are small. I’m told to eat before I get there, bring my overnight kit. I’m bringing headphones and  my overnight kit, my medicines, my Iphone and music, two books, and a change of clothes for the morning (there are no showers in Sleep Land.)

If I have to go to the bathroom, I have to call the technician and put a mask on and wait for him to come in and free me from my wires. When I’m done, I have to call him again and get him to come in and re-wire me.

I hope he or she has those good sneakers.

I have to call the lab from the parking lot so a tech can come out and make sure I don’t have Covid. I got a test on Friday, I’m good. And vaccinated.

So I’m sort of dreading this and sort of fascinated by it. I pity anyone who has to study my brain waves for hours, that is frightening. If I do have sleep Apnea, this could be the beginning of a new chapter in my life – sleeping for more than an hour or two.

I have to be honest, I do love checking off the shrinking list of things that I said I would never do. There aren’t many of those left. Tonight is a big one.

I’m hoping to finish reading Pastoral Colors tonight.

Yes, I am scared a bit. Open heart surgery didn’t scare me at all, but this seems somehow different and a bit weird. I’m nervous but not panicked.

Maria will pick me up around 6:00 am. Thursday. I told her she didn’t need to do that, but she says she does, and I am learning not to argue with her except on rare occasions.

We’ll stop at some convenience store for an egg sandwich. If the tests show I have sleep apnea, I have to spend another light in the lab so they can design a face mask for me.

Then, it’s Darth Vader time. We’ll see just how tough Maria is late at night with a creature from outer space sharing the bed. I hope the wires don’t keep me from my earphones. I hope I get to sleep a little.