I’ll be honest, when I first met the Amish, I had this powerful sense that they had something to teach me, that their very considered lives over hundreds of years could help me deal with the distracted, conflicted, and troubled world we live in.

At great cost and with great care, the Amish, almost alone, have evolved and survived in a way most small communities have not.

Community and civility in America are both in great trouble in our country, the Amish have managed to keep both alive and intact despite continuous change and challenge.

It isn’t that they are perfect and have all the answers, but they have accomplished remarkable things that reveal a lot about us as well as them.

I thought they were fascinating but exotic, even primitive. Now, I just think they are fascinating, and in some ways,  more contemporary than I would have imagined.

When I met Moise, I wondered if I had ever spent any time with anyone more different than I am. Today, I see that I have met fewer people with whom I have so much in common.

There are many things about the way they live that would be impossible for me to emulate or accept. Ditto for them.

But they have learned a lot about how to survive productively and peacefully over 500 years, keeping their families and communities together, and in many ways, they are doing much better than the rest of us.

There is great love and respect for one another in that community and great belief in spiritual life. I don’t see that in the news.

I am getting older, but my passion for learning at any age is strong. I have a lot of work to do before becoming the person I want to be.

I’ll take all the help I can get. And I cherish my new friendship.

I didn’t expect or imagine becoming friends with Moise and his family, that was a surprise and an unexpected gift.

I don’t understand it yet, but I am grateful for it.

I was correct, though, in thinking there is much to learn from these people, even though I would not be comfortable living their way of life.

When I started writing about them, I was swamped with messages critical of them or warning me about them: their children are often abused and exploited, they are cruel to dogs, they abuse their horses and work them to death, their practices are demeaning to women,  they shun gay members (as the Bible tells them),  and deprive their wives and family of free choice.

In my brief time with my neighbors, I have seen nothing to suggest that any of those things are accurate, at least not in the way they are presented.

Americans are tough on people they see as being different from them.

Over the years, we have become narcissistic and aggrieved, we learned to demonize the different, to seek and find reasons to reject, even hate people we see as others. Somehow, we think we know more and are better than everyone who is different from us.

We bloviate all the time about what a great and pure country we are, but many of us are learning that greatness is our promise, not our reality.

P0litics have become a ritual of hate and anger, not a coming together of the world’s greatest democracy. Our communities are falling apart.

We push the “others” aside, persecute them, ridicule them. Social media and digital technology have made it so easy to hate.

I believe that we are not better than people who are different from us.

I chose to learn from the Amish instead and respect their traditions and belief.

They are very different from us “English.” They don’t judge, whine, criticize,  complain or sue. Their deep faith fends off paranoia and grievance. They do not ever speak poorly of their lives or anyone’s else lives.

Their children are free to leave their communities, but only 15 percent of them do. In our world, we encourage all of our children to leave, that is what we want for them, and we support them in every possible way to push them along.

I don’t say this in judgment, but in wonder. The experts say this is healthy, but looking around me, I’m not so sure. Meeting these remarkable Amish children, I wonder if I got it all right.

The Amish make me think, every time I see them, every time I talk to them.

This does not make them saints, they are very human. But it makes them compelling and important to me.

There is quiet and peacefulness about them, they dress quietly, talk quietly, have a gentleness about them.

They live with the secure knowledge that there is a strong safety net always beneath them: God, Jesus, their family, and community. No Amish person ever has to worry about health care costs or money for old age.

It’s all covered. If they choose, they can retire in peace.

They accept good things and bad things as the will of God. They never complain. Just go on Facebook for a few minutes or watch social media comments to see how remarkable that is.

They are never alone, they live in a revolving orbit of community, always coming, always going, a cocoon of shared values and support.

As an outsider, it is not possible for me to duplicate their lifestyle, which is effective in fending off or screening much of our greed and anger, and selfishness. It also cuts them off from some of the most wonderful and creative things in the world.

That’s the trade-off. We are disconnected, they are connected.

But knowing them has already transformed me in small, and perhaps large ways.

That is a remarkable thing for me, about to turn 74 this summer, and fairly set in my ways. But I am still eager to be open to learning and change.

Many of the blog readers have noticed a change in me since meeting these people. I can’t see it, but I think I am beginning to feel it.

I want to be better,  calmer, simpler, less judgemental, and more peaceful. I will keep trying to be better until my last days.

I believe strongly in acceptance, it is almost a faith to me, and in that, I share a powerful Amish belief. It reaffirms my very strong determination to accept life, rather than complain about it, or attack others.

I believe these people can help me understand how to do many of these things if I can learn and listen rather than judge and lecture.

First, I am learning not to judge others.

There are billions of people in the world, countless sects, faiths, communities, traditions, and cultures. Most of them, I imagine, are different than us. Think of how much more peaceful and compassionate our world would be if we did not judge others.

Judging others is a reflex, we are arrogant people, and violent people to begin with, unlike the humble Amish, and we have the technological tools to do judge others online instantly, constantly, and without accountability or punishment.

I have never heard an Amish person speak poorly of anyone, or demean others,  Amish or outsider.

Two seminal teaches of Christ shape Amish life:

“Blessed are the peacemakers,” (5:9) and “Love Your Enemies” (5:44).

Also “Judge Not” (7:1) preaches humility and tells the Amish not to judge or condemn other religious groups.

The tone and feel around them is one of peace, modesty, work, and decency, soft humor.

Gelassenheit is the consciousness that is etched into the Amish from birth. It teaches the Amish to be reserved, modest, calm, and quiet. Seeing these values woven into daily practice signals to me a celebration of the individual spirit rather than the unyielding submission to a community.

I would do well to be more reserved, modest, and calm, and quiet. So would many of the people I see, know, and hear every day, including the people who seek to govern our country.

I am thinking more about self-sufficiency.

The Amish do not use credit cards or take out bank loans. The church and their community are their insurance, retirement plan, and safety net.  American farmers, choking on debt, are falling all over the country.

Many Amish farmers are buying their farms.

No Amish person needs to fear getting and old and worrying about how they will live and be cared for. No Amish fears medical bills, their community will always help them pay. Like the early farmers in our country, their families help them work their farms, they do not need to hire people.

How self-sufficient am I?

Community: For five hundred years, the Amish have protected and sustained communities and traditions while so many communities have vanished or been overrun. The structure of Amish communities has changed my own notions and ideas about how our communities can survive the pressure of technology and modern life.

First, Amish communities are small.

People know one another, socialize together, worship together, help each other.

When an Amish farmer builds a barn, between 80 to 100 Amish men and women appear to help out and finish it within days.  They constantly visit, worship with, and work with one another.

The elderly stay with their families, they are not sent to nursing homes or assisted care. If they incur high hospital costs, the church will pay their bills.

Amish communities are small, informal, local, and decentralized.

Values: Amish share a set of values that shape their lives and promote harmony and connection, rather than arguments and division. They value submission to shared and family authority, obedience to their faith, humility, and simplicity.

Obedience has some ugly connations in my mind, yet so does the endless conflict, argument, and hatred that is poisoning our country.

The Amish make, plant, or raise almost everything they need, including their food, housing, clothes, and furniture. Since getting to know these families, I find myself pausing before I buy things, asking myself if I really need them, or if I am just adding to the growing junkpile much of our world is becoming.

I can think of a dozen things I didn’t buy because the Amish discipline about keeping their lives simple is infectious. More and more, I ask myself “what do I need?” rather than “what do I want?”

I was online a few months ago, and a clever dragon incense dispenser popped up on Facebook. I love dragons and love incense, in this case, the burning incense will come out of the dragon’s mouth, which I thought was cool.

I bought it for $59.

It saw next to my desk for two months before I realized I hadn’t used it or even thought of it. I didn’t need it.

I gave it to a teenaged girl, the daughter of a friend, she loved it right away.

I have avoided buying a lot of things since I met Moise, there is no junk or unneeded objects in his home. I will never be austere as he is, but I am already far less wasteful and impulsive than I was before I met him.

I am learning from watching him consider his purchases and always look for a less expensive, more considered way.

Children:  Amish children are forbidden from getting or using the many objects and devices and toys that our “English” children are desperate to have.

I am impressed by the Miller children. They took me in the eye, talk to me, and seem to care about my life. Most of the children I know do not know how to do that anymore, they seem perpetually distracted or engaged.

They all know my name, rush to greet me when I come, talk about the books I have given them and that they read.

The Amish children I am getting to know are also powerfully attached to their grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers. They are eager to work with them and do their share, they don’t need to be begged, cajoled, or bullied to do their chores or help out in any way.

They seem secure and cheerful, and happy to me. They are bright and well-read. I  have never seen adults nag a child to work or help out, they come running. When I got out of my car the other day with some books, I stumbled and they fell to the ground.

Every child in sight came rushing over to me to pick up those books before I got a chance to bend over. I was startled.

I have this idea that I pushed my own daughter away from me in many ways insulating her from my troubles, encouraging her to work towards the right college, seek activities outside of the home and away from our family,  not towards our family.

Other than one vacation a year, we did little as a family, no one seemed to have the time.

We assume that children who work hard are being exploited or mistreated and that children who cherish time with their families are unhealthy. I am beginning to wonder if this is true.

I wish there was a middle ground. Perhaps there is.

Faith and Drama: One of the foundations of Amish life is the belief that Jesus and God will take care of the Church members and make the decisions that shape our lives.

Like them or not, they adhere closely to the stated values of Jesus Christ, and there are not too many Christians who can say that. Amish spirituality is deeply rooted in the teachings of Jesus, especially his Sermon On The Mount (Matthew 5-7).

Religion can either put too much pressure on people or take pressure away from them. I wish I could leave the weight of my hard decisions in love to God, it would be so much easier for me.

I see that the Amish, to a great degree, have done that, and this leaves them free to make their choices,  accept life, and life with less fear and anxiety than most outsiders.

I don’t have their certainty about God’s involvement in my love, but I do have my own idea of faith, and I am paying more attention to it than I was before my new neighbors came.

I agree with Thomas Merton. Spiritual life is not possible without faith. All around me, I have this sense of people losing their faith and turning instead to lies and false promises.

That is no small thing. This is my first show at explaining what I am learning, and I think this is enough for the first round. More to come, thanks for listening.