I discovered a few years ago that I couldn’t relive my life by skipping the awful parts, or without acknowledging the worst parts of me.
I believe that whatever anyone says about me is the truth, good and bad, at least to them.
The more I listen, the more I learn.
The awful parts are what have made my life worthwhile. That’s how I grow and learn to feel.
I accept myself as a whole, just as I accept the world or the people I love.
When I started the blog, I wrote that people would get the good Katz and the bad Katz – and as we all know, there are both. But I promised that people would get the real Katz, and I am almost there.
It is a promise I never forget.
I have learned to stop fighting or resisting or fearing life.
It is an unending series of natural, unpredictable, spontaneous, and often mysterious changes, some welcome, some not.
I have learned to accept these changes and challenges rather than resist them or complain about them or lament them.
I no longer speak poorly of my life or regret any part of it. I no longer want anything that I don’t have.
I imagine what I want to happen and give thanks when it does. I also give thanks when it doesn’t. I accept disappointment and aging as the sacred and natural course of course.
Over this course, my body will begin to deteriorate and while I work to stay healthy, I also know where I am and where I am going. What is aging but life itself?
We are human beings. People get sick, are disappointed, die. We don’t get everything we want, not in politics, not in work, not in life, not in love. We also love, rejoice, learn to be human.
The more I know who I am and accept who I am, the less fearful and upset I get.
Lao Tzu wrote, “Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
This, to me, is the magic and peaceful space between fear and peace of mind, between resentment, fright, and the freedom to live meaningfully. It might be good, it might be bad. But it is.
We are often taught that holding on and hanging on are signs of toughness and great strength. For me, the opposite has been true. It takes much more strength for me to accept when to let go and then to do it.
People tell me I am calm these days, and more surprisingly, good-natured.
I can’t say if that is true.
I know I am more accepting; that has changed me more than anything. Some of it is age, of course, I have a lot more years behind me than ahead of me, but even the dumbest old dog learns a few tricks.
Acceptance is not the same as excuse, delusion, apology, or surrender.
Acceptance is a state of mind, an embrace of reality, good and bad. I am learning what I can fight and can’t fight and what I can’t fight is the inexorable power of life.
Radical acceptance does not mean being self-indulgent or passive.
For me, it’s just the opposite, it means stopping to question if I am fighting reality. It means trying to understand the causes of reality, even if I don’t like them.
There are always causes for the reality I don’t like. That understanding protects me from hate and grievance.
Radical acceptance is about facing the truth, accepting life on life’s terms, and stop resisting or fearing what I cannot or choose not to change. Some things just are.
Acceptance of any kind is about saying yes to life, just as it is. There is no value in judging life. None of us are powerful enough or wise enough to do that.
The real value comes from liberating myself from refusing to accept reality; it took years of failure for me to grasp the futility and anxiety of that.
Nobody wants to experience pain, disappointment, sadness, or loss.
But those experiences are as much a part of life as joy or happiness. Without the one, the other has little meaning.
Radical acceptance is about bowing to what I can’t change, foresee or stop. Everyone loses something or someone they love, and it will almost always be painful and difficult.
Everyone has it worse than me. We all face life.
This takes practice and thought, and I am often working on it.
But it has taken me to a place of peace and some emotional freedom. It has brought me to the mystical place of strength.
Jon. this post hit home, solidly. I’ve been accused of sticking my head in the sand, refusing to spend any time observing the “bad things” in life. I “should want to be informed,” after all, otherwise, I am just a spectator. I am “not helping the world to change” if I don’t oppose or fight wrong things. That has never felt right to me. Radical acceptance of what I can’t change, knowing what I can change – that feels right to me. My first sponsor told me to “mind my own acre” and to stay out of others’ acres unless I was directly asked for my help. I don’t feel like that is having my head in the sand, as much as it is allowing others to be who they are. I don’t have to stand by in judgement, though I still certainly do, at times. Acceptance is definitely a process that takes practice and thought.
The Five Principles of Spirituality
Ancient Indian philosophy talks about Five Principles Of Spirituality. When we spend time contemplating each principle and applying it to a question or situation we are faced with, the power of these beautiful teachings starts to unfold.
THE FIRST PRINCIPLE
Every person you encounter is the right one.
This means that no one comes into our life by chance. Everyone who is around us, every person with whom we interact, has a defined purpose – whether to teach us something, or to help us cope with a current situation.
THE SECOND PRINCIPLE
Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happened.
Nothing, absolutely nothing of that which we experience could have been any other way. Not even in the least important detail. There is no, “If only I had done that differently, …then it would have been different.” No, what happens is the only thing that could have taken place and must have taken place for us to learn our lesson in order to move forward.
Every single situation in life which we encounter is absolutely perfect, even when it defines our understanding and our ego.
THE THIRD PRINCIPLE
Every moment in which something begins is the right moment.
Everything begins at exactly the right moment, neither earlier nor later. When we are ready for it, for that something new in our life, it will be there – ready to begin.
THE FOURTH PRINCIPLE
What is over, is over.
It is that simple. When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. That is why, enriched by each recent experience, it is better to let go of the past and move on.
THE FIFTH PRINCIPLE
Nothing is permanent.
This is the UNIVERSAL TRUTH. Nothing in our lives is eternal. Everything will CHANGE – some things earlier, some things later, but change is inevitable.
Once this is understood and accepted, life becomes simpler because there is no more stresses of anticipation, no more expectations, no more surprises, no more sorrows.
Be good to yourself. Love with your whole being. Always Be Happy.
Believe in God and Trust Him to do what is best for you.
And believe in YOURSELF to ACCEPT what you DESERVE.
Hi Jon, my highlight today in my little notebook is SOME THINGS JUST ARE. Acceptance of that: joy, sorrow, pain, happiness, etc. All are equal. Thank you for that reminder.