(Note: the above photograph is of Maria’s Valentine’s Day present from me, the right to name a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach (his name is Full Moon Fiber) and to meet him live on Zoom at noon on Valentine’s Day. The Bronx Zoo, sponsors of this gift, send a plush toy as well.)

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I had two life lessons in one week – my low blood sugar crash and my car sliding off into an icy hillside, landing almost on top of me.

Each thing taught me something about the value of life.

I am getting older, and as you get older, there are more and more lessons of life and death.

Learning these lessons is the reward for years of living. I am finding myself, adventure by adventure, surgery by surgery, mishap by mishap, challenge by challenge.

I see myself as growing like a willful Geranium, sometimes bursting into color, sometimes shriveling into the pot. My single greatest lesson comes from Joseph Campbell:

“If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

For someone like me, lessons are not earned in a classroom; I experience them in very real, very personal ways. Lying in my car as it started to roll over, I thought, “life is precious; honor it.”

I thought, as I often do, that life could change or end in a flash.  It’s important to value every minute.

This is one of the rich blessings of a long and meaningful life. I get to have a lot of lessons about life and death, the richest and deepest lessons I’ll ever take.

Winter defines Spring; darkness defines light, pain defines joy.

It is frightening to be lying in an overturning car and not moving. It is a great joy to see a flock of angels sweep down out of nowhere to help me and to see that people are good.

Therefore life can be good. Faith is the belief that tomorrow can be better than today.

I know I am lucky and never forget it or need to be reminded of it. Joseph Campbell calls these lessons of life  – rolling over your car, keeping up with your body as it changes – “your sacred space where you can find yourself over and over again.”

I find that it is in these shocks and disturbances and scares that I find myself over and over again.

I once wanted more than anything to be smart, but I decided to go for the heart instead as I grew up. I don’t believe that my brains ever made me happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world.

What am I learning?

First, life is hard for the vast majority of humans in the world. One of life’s elemental choices is to decide whether to help the less fortunate or not. I think that defines us more than any other single reality of life.

I  look at it this way. Everyone has had a harder life than I have, everyone has suffered loss and pain.

I must learn to love myself if I can love anyone else or before they can love me. Love, I’ve learned, is not a Hollywood idea. It is the glue that holds our lives together and brings us hope.

I’ve learned that haters and bullies are always cowards. You can spot them because they always go after people smaller than themselves but never challenge bigger people.

I had a lot of trouble with Mr. Trump because he is both a coward and a hypocrite, two of the things I dislike the most. He also inspired me to do more good than I have ever done in my life.

Life is what you make of it.

The difficult moments in life are difficult, but they are not a surprise. Dogs die too soon; everyone dies sooner or later, it gets cold in the winter, friends get sick and pass away, friends disappoint or betray sometimes.

I am earning to love my body and care for it. I’m learning not to run from my body but face it squarely and help it to help me live my life.

Death does not catch me off guard; it is life’s twin. You can’t have one without the other. If you hide from the one, you diminish the other.

My work is not to live forever but to live well. Please don’t ask me how my health is; ask me how meaningful my life is.

I choose to love what I have, not mourn what I lost. I appreciate my good luck; I do not lament my misfortune. I never speak poorly of my life; it might be listening.

I always ask myself, “well, what did you expect?” That Red would live forever? That you would never drive your car off the road and into a ditch? That your body would stay the same for all eternity? That your knees won’t hurt when you pass 60?

I’d rather love a dog than mourn a dog. I’d rather celebrate a human life than tear my garments when they die.

Radical acceptance has been a guide and a friend. I don’t ever speak poorly of my life or dread it because I accept life on its own terms, not mine. I don’t resist what I can’t change.

Acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it happens.

Suffering is an option. Pain is not.

So this was a good week for me, speaking selfishly and personally.

I feel I am finally learning to be honest and tell myself the truth. I feel authenticity is the path to peace and wisdom.

I am learning to open my heart to feelings and emotions and share those feelings with the wider world.

I celebrate the good and caring people of the world, reject hatred and self-pity, and cruelty whenever it crosses my path.

People can hurt me if they wish, but they can never make me be cruel and hateful.