I doubt that I ever expected to be photographed holding a rifle in my arms. Life is full of crisis and mystery.
I realized shortly after I moved upstate that I had to have a rifle. I’d never had a gun or been around guns; I was a happy city boy for much of my life.
During an awful blizzard, a young lamb was stricken with an awful affliction, and could not at, and was screaming and in pain. I called the large animal vet – there were about two feet of snow on the ground and more coming with high winds and sleet, and he said, “do you have a gun?”
I said no. “Get your hands on one,” he said, “put the poor thing out of his misery,” I called a neighbor who had a gun, and he showed me how to use it, and I shot the lamb.
I wanted to cry when the poor thing stopped screaming in pain.
As soon as the storm ended, I went out and bought a rifle.
I learned a powerful lesson. In the animal rescue world, mercy is often about saving an animal, at all costs and by any means. In my very real world, mercy is compassion or forbearance shown to a living thing subject to and dependant on my power.
That first year, in the country I met some rabid raccoons and skunks and infectious and sick feral cats, fended off a fat rat invasion in the barn. Sick lambs were the least of it.
I frequently used my gun and learned how to kill them quickly and safely.
I shot a rooster who attacked Maria and tore up her leg. “You are not the biggest rooster on this farm!” I shouted as he came after me—two shots through the heart.
I got pretty good at it.
Over the years, and after spending thousands of dollars on animal vets who knew nothing about sheep and could not help them, only shower them with pills,I decided to trust myself.
We call the vets when they can help, we turn to ourselves when they can’t. The best and perhaps the only way to keep a farm if you aren’t rich is to make good and hard decisions about what you spend, especially if animals are involved.
I learned that mercy was not always about saving animals’ lives; sometimes, it was about taking them.
This morning, I shot Scott, one of our favorite lambs, as he lay dying in the barn.
I was fortunate that one shot killed him, as my old vintage.22 rifle jammed for the second time. That is one of my worst nightmares that I would wound an animal, and it would live to suffer.
So Maria and I went up to Hudson Falls to a gun store called Calamity Jane, Firearms And Fine Shoes, and I bought a new Remington .22 cal rifle, easy to learn and use.
When I got my first rifle, I learned from a firearm teacher. I learned how to aim and shoot, how to kill an animal quickly, and safely.
I never point the gun at anyone; I always assume it is loaded, it is always pointed at the ground with safety when I am not using it. Bullets are never left in the gun when I am not shooting.
Maria wants to learn how to use the gun if there is an emergency; I’ll be happy to show her.
We have both learned many times that it could be the most loving thing in the world to kill a suffering animal. Scotty was in great distress and suffering in the bitter polar cold.
The trip to Calamity Jane’s was interesting. People looked angrily at my mask, and although Jane herself was helpful and courteous, I wasn’t quite sure that I was welcome there. One person on the staff would barely look at me.
It took about 20 minutes to fill out the forms, have the store run a federal firearm check to make sure I wasn’t a deranged criminal (suitable for Congress?), and got a case, a cleaning kit, and some fresh bullets.
I pride myself on my stewardship of these animals, and I will not put myself again in the position of letting any one of them suffer for a minute more than is necessary.
I assembled the rifle today, took it apart, checked the bolt locks and safety buttons, and tried loading and re-loading the magazine.
To be safe with a gun, you have to know it pretty well and test it often. Fortunately, my aim is good, for reasons I don’t quite understand.
Here, the politics of guns are very different. Gun violence is almost unknown here, and we have to deal with a lot of situations that city people pay high taxes to hire out, from water problems to dying animals to rabid skunks.
It takes a while for help to arrive; we are much more likely to call a neighbor than the police when we need help quickly. The gun people I know are conscientious, careful, and trustworthy.
Back in New York, it seemed that only the bad guys carry guns; up here, it’s just the opposite. My decisions about guns are not political; it is madness to let disturbed people buy weapons of war and use them on children.
But guns are a part of life for my farm and me and the way I live now. We all need to live our own lives and respect the choices of others when we can.
It would not be very easy for me to live here without a rifle. I have a good one new.
I’m so sorry for your loss, but I admire your courage to help a suffering animal. I don’t have it in me. My husband just had to put one of my pet ewe, Martha, out of her misery. We were waiting for an veterinarian appointment, but it was clear that Martha was suffering and my husband convinced me it wasn’t fair to her to wait. I felt terrible. She, too, was down and unable to stand. It looked as though she had a neurological issue, but we’ll never know. Do you have an idea what was wrong with Scotty?
I remember taking a rifle class at college. I wasn’t much of an athlete so learning to fire a gun seemed an easy way to get my physical education credit ?. I was the only female in the class and because I actually paid attention to the instructor rather than trying to imitate Arnold Schwarzenegger (as the guys did), I quickly became the best shot in the class. I must admit that bursting the guys’ collective testosterone bubble was a lot of fun….. ?
I know only too well your situation having grown up on my ranch in West Texas. There is a use for arms and I respect that. I do not intend for the government to take away my second amendment. I have had to put an animal down and it is very painful yet merciful.
Dogs came and attacked our pet goat Koko. My husband had to shoot her. It took two shots his hand was shaking so bad. He has had to shoot our old dogs that were debilitated and we have quite a pet cemetery under a big tree for all the ones who passed on their own or were killed by another dog that was executed. He has suffered greatly over Koko. We have no more dogs nor goats only 3 cats. Sad. So sorry you had to do this but glad you had the courage. Stay safe, wear a mask!
Jon, people often talk of wanting to move to the ‘countryside’. A dream they’ve had for years, they say, the peace and quiet they expect to find, in their minds, drive them to doing so one day, and for others, it remains a dream. As a child I grew up at a summer cottage next to a farm. My mother would send me up to the farm to buy eggs once a week. Handing me a wicker basket, I’d climb the wire fence bordering our laneway and the farm, walking through the woods, pine needles carpeting the floor of the forest, into the open fields of the pastures with cows and I knew, a bull though I kept a wary eye out for him, I was a small child who grew up with a big dream of living in the country one day. I may never have come to pass but for a medical condition which doctors advised me might be better coped with in the country away from city pollution. And so, thirty-three years I moved to ‘the country’. I immediately set out to build a hen house and I had chickens for fourteen years, year round. And therein lay the reality of my dream of living in the country. Manure. It never factored into my childhood dreams. Chicken manure, which I cleaned out once a month from the hen house, had to be taken some distance away from the shed as it’s highly pungent odour. And for you, the reality of keeping a rifle for the care of your animals. Chickens are small change compared to sheep and donkeys. The reality is as you’ve described, we let human suffer but we are allowed to put animals out of their suffering. I hope others may read of your reality of country life and recognize how painful a reality it is, when an animal becomes so ill and in pain. The mercy of the farm owner comes into play here. The reality of living on a small holding farm you point out well. And not, I can see without pain on your part, killing an animal is never easy. Putting down a dog is never easy. Yet, in compassion, in mercy, there are times when this must be done.
And your comment about congress…. Lord help me, another mini Trump in the making with Marjorie T. Green…Remove her, please.
Sandy Proudfoot
Storm coming, looks like Nyc and Hudson valleyish, gun can’t help you there guys but probably that new snow blower will come in handy!
for rhe sheep, one can administer a medication with a needle and syringe; I have done it. Personally I plan to go that way rather than a gunshot when it is my time.
I wouldn’t say it’s only the good guys that have guns in the country. I recently watched a crowd gather to shoot and shoot and shoot a dying bear at the bottom of my driveway, never actually killing it. I heard it suffer. And the target practice while drinking! And unlocked firearms in the still kill more people under 12 in my county than almost anything else.
Like I always say, “All generalizations are always false”, smile.
We know, and it’s not quicker or easier. I’m glad it works for you, we will do what works for us, of course. Yes it was a generalization Sheila I can’t imagine anyone who is alive and awake could take it literally. I said “up here,” I’m not responsible for writing about where you live. Up here, it is true, as I said. If you check crime states, gun violence is epidemic in cities, like Chicago and New York, where guns are illegal and quite rare in most rural communities.
Jon, I don’t mean to raise my voice, but THANK YOU for this article.
Of course some of your commenters twisted things and well, that’s on them.
I board my horse in a country setting and I live in a suburban setting. There is plenty of wildlife, wanted and unwanted in the area of the farm and in our suburban back yards. I totally get the need for having guns on a farm, as well as the outright insanity of owning/using weapons of war outside a war zone.
This was an excellent post, woven with humanity, reality and common sense.
Thanks S, your voice is wise and welcome..
I am so sorry for your loss, but we have had to put animals down, and it can be merciful.
If your ever want to get really facile with a rifle I recommend the Appleseed Project. It taught me to be very safe.
If you have bigger animals , like a horse, you need a larger caliber gun to put an animal down mercifully. I have heard stories about .22. I would always recommend a .45 or .38 magnum, but you can ask your vet. I even took a class on it, and with horses you need to know precisely what you are aiming for.
Its too bad mask wearing has become such a politically charged issue. Have you seen Janey Godley’s You tube videos?