“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust.

Spiritually, my early life was a hodgepodge.

I grew up in a Jewish family that celebrated Christmas, became a Quaker when I was 14, and admire Jesus Christ above almost all other religious figures, but do not worship him as a God.

It’s quite a mix; I make myself dizzy sometimes.

My parents established one custom at Christmas – to make sure all of us got something we really wanted, they asked the children to each buy something for themselves that they really wanted.

Most years, I follow that tradition. I shed Judaism and its rituals and celebrated the idea and spirit of Christmas.

I like giving things to other people and think of a gentler, kindler time, but I also buy myself something I want that no one else would know about or think to give me.

It wasn’t until later in life that I realized the importance of gratitude and being honest with myself and others.

This year, I saw a bracelet online that celebrated the idea of gratitude in a graceful and understated way. It was a necklace, inscribed with six synonyms of Gratitude inscribed on a hexagonal pendant.

It was expensive, too much for me, but the makers also made pendants celebrating wisdom, friendship, and consciousness.

I dawdled on the site, they did beautiful work, and I just browsed.

I found myself stumped. I was drawn to the Gratitude pendant, but also the Integrity pendant. I thought that these were two of the most important things to me in my life. I wondered which one I might save up for, perhaps for next year.

I give thanks for my life every single day, usually more than once. I value honesty and authenticity as much or more as any other value in my life.

Gratitude is a ritual for me, it forces me to have perspective about my life, to appreciate what I have found and been given. Emerson wrote that gratitude is a habit that needs to be cultivated.

Be grateful, he asked, for every good thing that comes to you, and give thanks continuously.

Because all things have contributed to my advancement, I include all things in my gratitude.  This is a habit I cultivate.

Which was more important to me?

Which pendant would I buy for myself, if I could buy either one? This issue got stuck in my head and for much of the night and the next day.

Did I value integrity more than gratitude? I felt uneasy celebrating my honesty; it almost seemed like bragging to me. Who goes around saying they are not honest?

But I hear very few people express gratitude for their lives, I hear many lamenting and complaining about their lives.

Gratitude was softer, closer to the way I think. I speak of gratitude more often than I speak of honesty.

I don’t go around telling people I’m honest; I do go around giving thanks for my many blessings.

And why I want a pendant at all?

Was it to remind me to be honest or grateful? Or to send a message about me to other people. I wear a cross on my necklace, but nobody can see it; my necklaces are always placed inside my shirt and out of sight.

I think I want one because I want to be reminded of gratitude, even and especially if I forget.

I found some clearness the next day.

I value gratitude and need to be reminded of being grateful every morning when I look in the mirror. I think I know to be honest and don’t need reminding as often.

The blog helps keep me authentic.

For me, gratitude is humbling.

True happiness is to enjoy the present without worrying about the future, to rest satisfied with what I have, not with what I want.

Seneca said that the greatest blessings of humanity are within us and our reach. A wise man, he said, is content with his lot, whatever it may be, without wishing for what he has not.

It was an interesting discussion in my own head, and it went on for a good long while. I finally decided that gratitude is more appropriate for Christmas than honesty, which is important for life.

It’s a good choice to take the time to make.