Every serious dog lover knows diarrhea mornings or diarrhea moments. Never mind the election.
We had a big one this morning. I’ll spare the photos but share the story.
It’s not something civilized people like to talk about at dinner, but mothers with newborn babies and dog people can always handle it and add some stories of their own.
I came downstairs ready to do battle with a hospital, insurer, and doctor over my $5,800 hospital bill. I had paper, bills, receipts, print-outs. I was going to have a nice breakfast first with Maria; the food was all ready.
Then I was going to spend the morning sorting things out.
As I spread out the paper, Maria shouted, “don’t move your feet.” I knew right away what she meant. She had spotted a huge blob of diarrhea on the carpet right beneath our dining room table.
I pulled back the chairs; she rushed to get paper towels and spray containers of bleach, vinegar, and anti-odor spray.
I’ve been cleaning up diarrhea for decades now; I have my own five- minute drill, just like those sub-commanders diving when they see destroyers coming their way.
I pride myself on my ability to clean up even the most disgusting dog droppings in under five minutes. Today, it went like clockwork. Of course, diarrhea is the messiest of all dog leavings; it takes the greatest skill and experience.
I use paper towels, disinfect, rags sometimes if it’s really bad and odor and bleach sprays. All of those things are in a ready-bin under the sink.
The diarrhea had to be from Fate because Zinnia and Bud sleep upstairs; Fate likes to be downstairs so she can keep an eye on the sheep. It was the worst kind, explosive spray, and dribbling.
Before we could get to this mess, Maria spotted another one in the living room. A big, mostly dry puddle.
Fate had a long and rough night; she left a long and ugly trail in some tough spots.
Maria did the first wave, scooping up as much as she could; I followed up with two rolls of paper towel, two spray containers of bleach and disinfectant, and one vinegar.
I take it from there; I pride myself on my ability to clean up dog messes quickly and efficiently. It’s an unusual skill but valuable.
We are always ready for this at Bedlam Farm. I sprayed the spots, doused them in disinfectant, wiped them up with paper towels, and repeated this three or four times until the towel wipes showed up to be clean after wiping.
It took me nine minutes – this was quite a mess. Apart from bleach and disinfectant spray smells, the carpet looks fine and dry, and there are no signs of diarrhea or any other fecal matter.
Fate is back to normal, and so are we. One of the great bonds dog lovers have is accidents and diarrhea. Brings us all closer together. Who else can we share it with?
Jon, you are hilarious. Sounds like my morning with Mollie. Unfortunately I didn’t see one of the piles and stepped in it with both bedroom slippers and tracked it. Took me 35 minutes to clean up all the mess and disinfect, then after that I had to wash and dry three throw rugs (on the kitchen floor so Mollie won’t slip down with her degenerative myelopathy) and mop both the kitchen and dining rooms. Wish I could clean up up as quickly as you can, but at 80 arthritis makes it more difficult.
Hi Jon,
This just takes me right back to when my husband and I had an English Staffordshire Bull Terrier. They look much like pit bulls but they are not. They are called ‘Staffies’ in Australia, where I lived for awhile a long time ago. I loved taking our Staffie out to the ocean in North-Queensland and roam the beaches to meditate, walk and hunt for nice shells. He was one of those dogs who loved to swim and he thought the ocean was super cool. One of the first times we took him there, he jumped into the waves and went like a gazelle, up and down, chasing the spray and biting the water. When he was exhausted from play, he came up to the beach and his poop came out like a watergun! It was truly disgusting and the stench was horrible. We had to wait for half an hour before we dared letting him in the car. We thought: maybe it is something bad he ate or the salt water he drank….
When he was up for his annual check, we talked about it to the vet. Here is what she told us:
When a dog runs with big jumps, his sfinxter (a.k.a. the poop hole…) opens and closes with those movements. So in fact when he was in the waves, it acted like several enemas! And of course, who wants to walk around with a liter of salt water in their butt… it needs to come out! And it comes out with great drive, I can tell ya! This torpedo excrement in fact is like a cleaning spa for the dog, but we were less enthusiastic letting him roam free on beaches where people were also sunbathing….
Just one of those shitty dog stories, I guess!
I know the drill well. My Airedale is the first dog I’ve ever owned who actually runs to the door and barks to go out when she’s going to vomit or have diarrhea. The problem is that the humans aren’t usually fast enough and the resulting mess is just inside the back door. They always look so guilty and I find myself comforting them and reassuring them that they aren’t in trouble for messing in the house. And you’re right – experienced owners can clean up the worst mess in a snap!
Sigh. It seems it’s always first thing in the morning. Which is probably a good thing … dealing with it on an empty stomach.
Labradors and assorted Retrievers all my life. Been there, done that.
I was up 4 times Saturday night with my guy … 11:30, 1:30, 2:15 and finally 4:00 … happy that he asks to go out (actually he is almost hysterical) but up and down 2 flights of stairs during the middle of the night is tough …
Having had dogs all of my life I sure can relate. The worst case I can remember was when one of them went in one of our shoes….not good.
Been there, done that. In fact, I too woke up this morning to find a brown surprise in the middle of the living room. I got lucky. It wasn’t diarrhea. When you’re a dog owner, shit happens. And more often than not, it happens on the carpet. There has to be a dog commandment that states – Thou shalt poop only on carpeting. Jon, you made me laugh but you also have my sympathy. ?
I laughed so hard, even though it’s not really funny as I have had this experience with both children and dogs. The absolute worst is when you wake up and your nose is assaulted by the odor of fresh diarrhea and your dog is pressed against the front of the crate with poopy paws longing to get out! So you grab the warm wash rag to hopefully get the poop off the paws before he bolts out of the crate like a cannon. If you’re lucky it’s a nice warm day and you carry the crate out the door and hose it off before deep cleaning. Ahhh life with dogs, it’s great!
I ‘m laughing because it reminds me of
a story with my dog Hope , who we just had to put to sleep last week , but once when she was a young dog , I came home to explosive diarrhea in her kennel – and when I opened the door , she shot out wagging her tail and spraying poop in every direction , so not funny then but funny now . Ah , dogs .
A rule of thumb my house is never get out of bed without shoes; and have small throw rugs only.
Cats are as messy as dogs, and that brings to fore my cocker spaniel who can make as much a mess as the cats,
Perhaps Fate is reflecting your emotional upset.
My husband died in January, he had Medicare and a supplement. Only 10 days in hospital, no surgeries, 4 ambulance runs and I ended up with a $4800 bill. That did not include a 2-day nursing home stay before he died. They charged a full month for a day and half he was there.
My daughter lived in Vancouver B.C. had Stage 4 breast cancer and was under treatment for almost 2 years. She paid nothing.
Omg you could not of put it better the exact discription of what it’s like having had four labs and now my fifth I an relate to everything you wrote. I have a system very similar to yours funny how we dog people think a lot alike when it comes to sick dogs. John you made my day! Thank you
I woke up to poop and diarrhea this morning on the upstairs hall carpeting. Just finished cleaning. Yes, I know well, My husband took himself out to breakfast so I didn’t have to cook his breakfast. The rest of the day is before us.