Maria went off to belly dancing tonight and I was alone with my fears, hopes, and expectations. She won a brief skirmish over whether or not she would hang out in the hospital tomorrow morning. In my own style, I kept pushing her away.

When I am nervous or fearful, I instinctively curl up into a ball and try to be alone, like an old dog in the woods. Maria was having none of it, and called up the hospital and was told she could be with me all day, except for the time I am being worked on.

She was delighted to announce she was coming, no matter what I said or thought, and then I realized that she really did want to come, and was very happy she could be there to see me when the surgery was over.

I saw my wonderful nurse practitioner Amy this morning and she bucked me up and wished me well.

She looks at the blog sometimes just to check up on me and get to know me. She said it would be good medicine if everyone had a blog, she would get to know her patients. She is unique.

It’s also true that I get away with nothing.

A good friend said I should be sure to tell the surgeon whose working on my heart that I had absolute faith in him and trusted him.

I hope he doesn’t need that, but I’m happy to say it and it’s true. And it can’t hurt.

Amy suggested I skip cardiac-rehab for a week after the procedure, but I persuaded her that it was good for me to go there, as long as I took it easy. I feel like Superman when I go there, some of that, I know, is caused by the nurses, who praise me and egg me on.

Beyond the heart, I’m in a good place.

This evening I had the strongest walk yet up my hill, no stopping, no pounding heart, no angina, no shortness of breath, no huffing, and puffing. I just sailed right to the top of the hill.

I called my friends Christine Decker and Sue Silverstein and my daughter Emma called. She said she wished she could come to visit. I talked with my sister.

My legs are getting stronger, my heartbeat is great, my blood pressure is terrific. I’m ready. I’m going to the hospital with my iPhone and my new wireless ear pods from Apple, a new novel by Emma Donahue called The Pull Of The Stars, another new novel, the Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Ghasi.

On the way into the big room (I don’t think I’m supposed to call it an operating room) I’ll be listening to Taylor Swift and her new album, Folklore.

When I wake up, I’ll be looking into the big beautiful eyes of Maria. I’m so glad she will be there. And I’m so glad she wants to be there, that is the hard part for me to accept, says the therapist.

Thanks for thinking of me, and wishing me well.