I see that my bicycle shop is about community, not just the selling of bikes. Trek Bicycle of Saratoga Springs either hires the nicest and most helpful people or it trains them better than the Army.

I suspect it’s the former. I’ve had a rough time with this new e-bike, emotionally and physically. It’s been a long time since I rode a bike, and I am a different person in many ways.

I am sometimes ashamed of this struggle, but the people who work there never make me feel foolish, I get the feeling they’ve seen it before.

I am truly astonished at how frightening and disturbing this has been for me, it has opened up some of the darkest corners of my complex psyche.

If not for Tyler and the crew at Saratoga Trek, I would have abandoned this adventure, it has often seemed too much for me, including last Thursday when I had a spill that banged up my knee and my new and expensive e-bike.

I’ve called Tyler and Saratoga Trek several times, and I am surprised at how helpful and patient and supportive they have been.

This morning I called Tyler up and said I needed to start from the beginning, I wanted to bring my bike to Saratoga and repair the broken mirror and bent kickstand from the spill and also talk to him about what I might be doing wrong.

I had a good size panic attack on the way – this just amazes me – and thought my car was broken and wouldn’t go into reverse. I called Maria and she told me I should come home and offered to come and be with me.

I said no, I wasn’t 10 years old, I needed to face this, whatever it was and I collected myself and went to Saratoga to meet with Tyler. I used to have the most awful panic attacks, but not in years.

I’m still trying to understand it.

When I came into the store,  the staff came out to meet me, encourage me, and to swarm over my book and polish it up and fix me. I wish they could do that to me.

In a way, they did. Tyler suggested changing the bike pedals again, he showed me how to use the battery booster in a different way, he showed me how he would start the bike.

He made sure the chains on the bike were tight and moving well. One of the staff brought me a band to put around my pants leg.

They all laughed when I told them about the spill, and once said they would give me a ribbon for each fall, like soldiers get for bravery in battle.

We both agreed the store’s parking lot wasn’t a good place for me to ride. I plan to do that tomorrow or Thursday back home on a quiet country road near the farm.

Maria will come in her car, I’ll drive the bike in mine. She’ll stick with me until I get started and then leave me to keep trying until I get it going.

I want to be careful and not get hurt before my next surgery in two or three weeks. I very much appreciate Tyler and the people at Saratoga Trek.

They are courteous without being obsequious, sensitive without being intrusive, and genuinely eager for me to help.

I feel like I’ve stumbled into a new community that makes me feel safe and hopeful that I will get through this.

I realize that I love being around young people with passion, they remind me of the joy of being alive, and the wonder of caring about things. As I get older, I sometimes feel that younger people no longer see me, they just look through me.

These people see me.