There were several obstacles to my seeing Robin frequently even before the pandemic, now it looks like it could be a good while longer before I can see her at all.
We talk via Facetime sometimes, but I feel our connection fading a bit, she hasn’t actually seen me since March, and not too often before that.
Emma feels it’s not safe for me to see a family from New York and that is probably true. She is aware that the stakes of getting sick now for me are high.
In my little town, this hardly affects my life. We don’t know anyone here who was infected with the virus. We also know, as everyone does, that this could change in a moment. I’ve read enough about people like me who get sick to take it seriously.
I am sorry for the poor and ignorant people who refuse to protect themselves, but they have to make their own decisions, just as I have to make mine.
I understand this new reality for Robin and me and accept it, a lot of people are much more isolated than I am or than we are. This is where we are now, this is who we are.
Robin and I were getting connected before this, and I could feel it, it getting more difficult. I often think of the people who are disconnected from the people I love, their human stories get lost in all of the hype.
My greatest wish for Emma was that she grow up, be happy, and live independently of me. I see children and parents enmeshed in each other’s lives, and I respect it and don’t judge it.
It just isn’t what I want, or what I think Emma wants. I don’t want her worrying about me or thinking she has to take care of me.
Emma is happy, in a great relationship with her husband, and with a wonderful kid and doing work that she loves. I love seeing the spark of life in Robin’s eyes.
What more could I have wanted for Emma? I wish the same thing for Robin.
I work behind the scenes when I can. When I saw in a photo that Robin is painting, I sent her a good-sized easel with some paint, which I’m told she loves.
I hope that in some way she grows up with some consciousness of me. I am happy in my life, she and her mother are happy in theirs. I love them both, but this is enough.
One day, perhaps in six months or so, we get to know one another better, maybe one day she’ll even be able to visit the farm. Whatever happens, happens.
I have more respect for life the longer I live it. But it does make me sad sometimes, I need to say that.
And I wonder what the green stuff is that Robin is drinking.
Photo by Emma Span
My grand-kids live 3 small city blocks away My son is a PT at the local hospital his wife is also PT working with mostly infants and physically challenged kids Because they consider themselves high risk we only see our grand-kids with masks on when they visit outside In the yard My daughter lives 15 minutes away Sh3 has a large extended family and takes care orf little ones when parents are working I haven’t seen her in months It breaks my heart ai am a hugger I want nothing more than to hold them all but I am determined to survive this pandemic because I can wait it out because I don’t want to miss anymore of their lives than I have to I will do whatever I have to do to be able sit with them again and hold them again and meanwhile the phone,which I am lousy at and leaning over the deck rail will have to do
Spinach smoothie! I have one every morning. Healthy and delicious.
Robin is such a beautiful child, more so each picture I see. Such eyes! However it works out between you two, one day she will certainly realise what an exceptional grandad she has.
Make time to facetime her more frequently, she probably wonders where you are.
Joan, thanks, I’ll figure it out my way, not with Facetime..doesn’t work for me..
Very heartfelt, Jon. We have one granddaughter in Florida and twin grandsons in Stockholm Sweden living with their respective families. It’s difficult not knowing how long our estrangement will be but I thank our creator for keeping them healthy and safe every day.