I went away last night on some personal matter and before I went, I wrote about Maria cutting her knee on one of Ed Gulley’s metal sculptures, the Goose on the front lawn.
The bathroom looked like a crime scene, and there was a wicked blood trail running from the bathroom through the kitchen out to the back porch, and down the gravel driveway.
In fact, I’ve seen a lot of crime scenes with less blood.
Maria doesn’t care about a scar, and we got the bleeding checked, so she decided not to and get stitches.
There is no pain or sign of infection (and yes, of course, she has had her tetanus shots, we live on a farm.) And she is not looking for help or advice when it comes to deciding how to deal with her cut.
We put some gauze and band-aids on the wound. My role was mopping and clean-up, the shower looked like a scene from Psycho.
And it is healing. Of course, she’s going to belly dancing practice tonight. Of course, she is.
It was an impressive gash, but not too deep.
And she has 100 percent movement in her leg and knee. Maria would have to be run over by a tractor-trailer to go see a doctor.
But I agreed with her. The wound is healing beautifully, and she could care less about a scar. In any case, it’s her decision, not mine or anyone else’s.
This morning, when I returned, there were about 100 messages from alarmed people pleading with me (not her) to go get a tetanus shot.
I learn again and again that when I share some trouble, people get alarmed and some assume it’s their job to take responsibility. It’s like they take in someone else’s problem.
These are good people, well-meaning and caring, and a part of me loves them for caring.
A part of me doesn’t.
Maria is 56 and I’m 73, and I’ve lived on a farm for more than 15 years, Maria almost as long. If you live on a farm, you get regular tetanus shots because there is glass, metal, and iron all over the place, much of it rusted and jagged.
Some of it comes up out of the ground when it rains, 200 years or rusting junk and broken pieces of metal in our case.
If you don’t cut your hand on it, you will cut your feet on it, or tear up your knees.
The first thing a nurse asks up here is “do you have your tetanus shots?,” and no farmers I know mess around with that.
I’ve learned it’s not loving to suggest to Maria that she can’t take care of herself, that is not considered a loving thing around here.
To live on an old farmhouse like ours and to have daily chores in barns and woodsheds without a tetanus shot is just plain idiotic. We are not that. We both wondered why so many people would assume we wouldn’t know how to take care of ourselves.
Social media is all about crossing boundaries, literally and figuratively. It’s almost a reflex.
Four or five people wanted to know when her last tetanus shot was. That is not for me to divulge on Facebook, I don’t think anybody has the right to see other people’s medical records, especially if they don’t know them.
Maria is going to belly dancing tonight, and she didn’t ask me for permission or advice, which is fine. She has a cut on her knee, but it isn’t my cut, it is my responsibility to help, not to take it over.
She is smart and competent. The only suggestion I made to her was to put butterfly bandages over the cut and wrap it in gauze.
The belly dancers have found a big old room to dance in, and it might not make a good first impression with the landlord to find pools of blood all over the floor.
I believe I said I hoped she had had her tetanus shot. Have you thought that maybe some of us just need someone to communicate with and that is one way to do it? Maybe not the best way, but why did you write about it if you didn’t want any comments? If you don’t want comments, why post personal things?
This may sound angry but it isn’t, I’m genuinely curious
Of course, I’ve thought about it, Susan, that’s why I wrote bout it. But it doesn’t change my feelings about it I’m afraid. As I’ve written before, we choose to share our lives, but other people are not responsible for our problems. I don’t know as we can meet the need of many thousands of people to communicate…it’s not what we do..comments are great, but this was different..Maria felt the same way, it is not helpful to her to feel that people don’t trust her to take care of herself..she didn’t like it when I did it either.
So I stopped.
This is new territory, new kinds of boundaries. When you have 30,000 people involved, it isn’t just about meeting the communications needs of people…
Is there a way to not allow comments to certain of your posts?
Maybe people don’t realize your boundaries.
Yes, I disallow many but only if they’re nasty, not if I disagree..it’s an important discussion to have, not a great big deal..
That’s a scar she will be able to brag about ?
“the shower looked like a scene from Psycho” Snort!
Jon…Your readers (including me)are not trying to run your life, we just care….simple as that. My gosh, lighten up a little bit……..
Hello I’m a little surprised the way you reacted to all the people that showed interest in Maria’s accident. From the little I have been reading on your blog. You write a very strong message. ( I do like your stories about the aminals. ) I also live in Washington county. But back to the people that showed interest most of these would be in the sheep category just like to go with the flow . They need to be part of something and the internet lets them do that. Instead of going out and living for themselves they believe they can become one with many others online.
Yes, I understand how they feel, but I also understand how I feel…the issue for us is l/we aren’t helpless or dumb, and 2/we share our problems, we don’t ask other people to solve them for us, or want them to. This wasn’t a tragedy, it was a cut. We didn’t need stitches or the hospital, the bleeding had stopped. If we needed to get further medical care, we would have. It didn’t need to be a drama involving hundreds of people. I understand my attitude bothers people, and that’s unfortunate, but that’s the way we both feel.
I don’t need to be told to go with the flow. I have, so has Maria. I’ve moved on..I appreciate your honesty, I hope you appreciate mine..
It’s possible that so many people expressed their concern because they did not know, as you stated, that “If you live on a farm, you get regular tetanus shots.” I didn’t know that. Those who expressed their concern should be appreciated for caring, not criticized.
Doesn’t matter, Steve, I’m sure everyone had the nicest motives and most genuine concern..doesn’t change a thing for me, though, it’s important to remember that there is one of me and thousands of you..I don’t need that many people telling me what to do, regardless of their nice motives..I’m sure nobody meant any harm, ..but it made both of us uncomfortable and many people might need to appreciate that also ..if I need help or advice, I’ll ask for it..there are boundaries, even on social media..
I worked on a horse trail riding farm for many years. I cannot count the number of scars I have from that type of work, and proud of them. I was the type that a good wipe with a paper towel was what they got until I had a break in my day. Of course these also were just cuts. Nothing dramatic.
Nice gash there Maria… just another farm wound!…
Take care both of you