Once the soul awakens, wrote the poet John O’Donohue, the search begins and you can never go back.
From then on, he writes, “you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment.”
My awakening began about 12 years ago when I broke down, left my normal life, and moved to a farm in the country with some dogs and a bunch of donkeys and sheep.
I decided to live, not wither away, I got help, and met Maria.
My move would have been glorious except for the fact it was conceived in madness and fear. It turned out to be glorious because the experience woke me up.
I believe that the only men I know who are truly awake were either tortured as children or humiliated as adults. I qualified on both counts.
Whatever my path, whatever the nature of each day, whatever riddles, disappointments, and challenges I had to face to stay alive, the secret of my life somehow always has to do with the awakening: the liberation of a soul and heart that had been asleep for longer than I could remember.
I entered a different phase of life.
There were the usual struggles, but there was also a satisfaction that lingered and is with me still, it exists somewhere between peace and joy.
I awoke to a need to help Mother Earth rather than fret about her.
I awoke to the joy and meaning of doing good, a latent part of me that was desperate to come out.
I awoke to the selflessness required to love another human being.
I awoke to the need to take care of myself.
I awoke to facing up to the anger and terror that lived inside of me and needed to be both acknowledged and faced.
I awoke to the need to not argue about my life, but to take responsibility for living it.
I awoke to the need of the writer inside of me to explore what is happening in our country beyond the peaceful boundaries of my farm.
I awoke to the need for respecting life and celebrating it, to never speak poorly of my life or complain about it.
“Like that sponge,” wrote Mark Nepo in the Book Of Awakening, “our very heart begs to unfold in the waters of our experience, and like a little fish, the soul is a tiny thing that brings us peace and joy when we let it swim.”
I found that life and its promise made little sense to me until I took my heart in hand and walked gently into the life I was living and wanted to live.
12 years ago? Running to the Mountain was published in 1999. 21 years ago. My how time flies!
I only know this because, while straightening out my library during the pandemic, I came across my copy of the book. Which I had purchased because I ran away to the mountains of the desert southwest shortly before you ran away to the mountains of upstate New York.
I wrote Running to the Mountain well before I moved her. A wonderful year for me..
Beautiful!
I’m much older than you, but I have recently been able to name “Terror”, as a primary feeling. From a childhood which left scars.
the help I got kept me from going under, but missed the primary problem.
Maybe it’s a case of when the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear.
My “Maria” (William) passed away last Friday in his 97th year. He picked the time.. and drifted away in a wonderful long term care (Sunnybrook Veteran’s Centre) in Toronto.
I recently realized that he is/was the only person in my life with whom I felt no anxiety, no fear.
Thank you for sharing, Jon.
Barbara, I was much touched by your message, I won’t say sorry for your loss, rather I’m so glad you and William got to spend your lives together. Having a Maria is a blessed gift. I know this will be a difficult time for you and I hope this humble blog will be comforting to you in some way. Blessings to you, Barbara, thanks for writing to me. Stay in touch.
Point well taken. I first became aware of the relavance of the awakened soul when I started watching “Super Soul Sunday”, a program produced weekly by Oprah Winfrey. I read “The Wise Heart” by Jack Kornfield and other works, including some by Mark Nepo, Now I have a new appreciation for…everything. I highly recommend investigating some of these works. Many espouse values found in Buddhist philosophy. Thank you for bringing this subject to the attention of your many followers. America is very much in need of loving kindness and these teachings.
Jon, Thank you for sharing. Started reading John O’ Donohue 2 years ago. What a gift. He percipeated my awaking. I also discovered you early last year. You both gently nudge me down my new path. It is true, once awakened, you never see things the same. I am so happy for your new found joy. Isn’t it exciting awakening to a new day contemplating what glorious mysteries will be revealed to us? I start my day with your blog and a cup of coffee. Enjoy your journey my friend….
I jumped for joy…knowing that you are reading the lyrical words of John O’Donohue.
I beautiful spirit that left our planet too soon.
Can you imagine John and Merton drinking together at Merton ‘s cabin ? Oh to
be a birdie listening to the two of them…..music to my ears.
That would be sweet Gill…
One of your best pieces yet, Jon. A rounding up of all of your experiences and what they’ve taught you. Open, and more open.