2 May

Verbal Hugs: People Are Sweeter (Not Online)

by Jon Katz

As we enter week five of the Great Lockdown, I notice two things. The people I meet in person – socially distanced thought we are – are sweeter, more courteous, and friendly than people in the Northeast usually are.

But ever since I started writing about politics – this should not be a surprise – people online are much meaner and nastier. I have been hailed as an insightful and original thinker and assaulted as a repetitive windbag.

Some of the poor animal people just ran for their lives. I am getting people to think, pissing people off, and making them uncomfortable. This, in my twisted mind, is just precisely what a writer is supposed to do.

And, alas, it is also my great gift: making people squirmy.

I’ve been writing a lot lately about the need for people to get past hatred and onto more constructive ground. I’m not headed for the Nobel Prize.

Some people don’t want to do that and don’t want to hear about it, certainly not two or three times in a week. That makes me want to write it every day (I won’t.)

Their response to being asked not to hate is to send hateful messages.

So much for the Gandhi in me.

I love the bouquets, and I can take the heat.

We are a very divided country. The left and the right are not non-violent message senders. When anyone steps into the middle of that, it is unlikely to be pretty.

Carol: Unfortunately, your writing is becoming long-winded and very, very repetitive–you seem to have one idea that you want to say over and over again. Please move on.

Deborah: your political posts are probably three times longer than they should be, and you’re saying the same thing over and over again. You badly need an editor!)

Linda: Jon, you are a lot like Trump. If someone disagrees with your opinion, you dismiss or fire them from your blog.

Karel: Work, work, work to get what your area needs.
Stay closed, wear masks, and don’t become New York City.

Ray: Thanks, Jon, once again for your thought-provoking article.

I thanked Karel and promised to do my best. I will not become New York City.

I told Linda I loved her post very much, but I couldn’t stay to talk, I had to get to the tanning salon; I told Carol to get lost and find a blog she liked and broke the news: I won’t move on.

I replied to Deborah and said she was right, I am often long-winded and repetitive, and would happily hire an editor if she wanted to pay for it.

Let’s talk, I suggested.

I didn’t hear back from any of them. Facebook People, I think.  A lot of people on Facebook stumble onto my blog from time to time; it doesn’t always go well.  It’s been a few hours.

Maria and I are having great food adventures during the sheltering-in.

We went to Bennington to a private residence we met a gifted Indian woman selling takeout dinners from her kitchen. We found her online; she doesn’t advertise.

The exchange felt a bit clandestine, and we took the food home; it was excellent.

On the way back, driving through Little Creek, we saw two women up on some fresh green grass making a rainbow out of painted rocks. It was a beautiful sight, and we pulled over, and I jumped out of the car to take a photo and ask them why they were working so hard to make this beautiful rock rainbow.

“We want people to know that we see them,” she said, “we know they are there, even if we can’t be with them.” Teachers, I bet.

Everywhere I go, people are kind to me, they ask how I am, and urge me to be safe. I call them verbal hugs. I feel camaraderie and sense of community I don’t always feel. It’s nice.

I hope it spills over into the next chapter.

Maria and I had the most relaxing day we’ve had in a long time. It was as gentle a day as we needed and had wished for.

12 Comments

    1. Does this mean I’ll get to be President? You’re the second person to mention this today, I’m going to do something about my hair.

  1. Politics and animal rights bring out the worst of the worst in people. I like your very thoughtful insight on both topics. Particularly these new political posts, you have a unique experience that is helpful to put things in perspective which I find helpful. Lord spare us all from the “activists”, they are an emotional scary bunch.

    1. Thanks Deb, as you can see from the posts, people are getting edgy and nasty….me too..I appreciate the note..

  2. Personally, I very much appreciate your urging us to consider other points of views, and to think for ourselves rather than simply react from our normal political stances. Of course I don’t always agree with you, but I don’t read your blog to hear my own thoughts mirrored back to me. I read it because it usually gives me something to think about, and often validates something I’ve been thinking but haven’t yet been able to articulate. It broadens my world. And on the times that I don’t agree with you, or think that you missed the point, I just say to myself, “well, that post didn’t speak to me. But maybe it spoke straight to someone else’s heart.” Because it isn’t all about me. It isn’t all about any of us. Keep on writing from your own heart, Jon. It’s always worthwhile, one way or another!

  3. Jon,

    I am someone who is generally with you in your views about the pointlessness of hate and the self harm it can do. I have read each and every one of the messages (or are they part messages?) that you have set out above. You have seemingly styled some (without identifying which) as hate messages. None strikes me as in that category, or even close to it. Such criticism as there is principally relates to suggestions that your writing is unduly discursive and frequently repetitive. I am finding that to be so and it is beginning to discourage me from persevering. As well, having initially recommended your site to a number of good friends, I am now getting feedback from them expressing, if I may summarise, the view that insights are being drowned in excessive verbiage. I am sure that each of them intends to be constructive, as do I, and my hope is that you will recognise that and, with respect, that editing will follow.

    1. Thanks Roderick, there is nothing about your message that comes close to being cruel or insulting, and I appreciate your honesty. I do write long essays and always have, it’s my own style of writing, but it’s worth thinking about. We do disagree about messages being rude and offensive.

      You are disagreeing with me but not calling me any names. I think our culture is enabling the idea that we have to hate people we disagree with. Since I don’t post the worst of the messages you haven’t seen them. I write a lot and I proofread when I can.

      Your message is constructive, but I will be frank with you. I’ve written nearly 30,000 blog posts since starting this blog, and I have four million visits a year. I don’t wish to mislead you. I’m 72 years old and have published 26 books, I have no plans to change my style or editing protocols. Whether you and your friends wish to keep reading is your choice, not mine. I write for myself, not for other people, and my blog is free to anyone.

      My writing is not for everyone, it is raw, and by the nature of the blog, not polished. My idea when I started the blog was to write a lot and I can’t do that if I’m editing all the time. I write too much, as you have noted. People sometimes get the good Katz, and sometimes the bad Katz, but they always get the real one, that’s the idea.

      I make lots of mistakes and am often wrong. I’m human, just like you.

      Thanks for your civility. j

  4. Jon,. writing about politics at best makes people feel uncomfortable and at worst it brings out the long knives. In a small way, I’ve had this experience in regard to what I have been writing. People much more appreciate the softer, fun stuff. And it is much easier to be nasty online than in person; in a way, it strikes me as being like a mob in the street doing things that as individuals they wouldn’t do. I don’t always agree with you, but I respect your effort to present a balanced perspective. Somehow, I know you won’t surrender!

    1. Thanks, Robert, I appreciate the message. Disagreeing is an essential part of living freely and in a democracy, the social media ugliness tests me and challenges me all of the time. I don’t need to be agreed with, but I won’t be insulted on my own blog, or in my home, which this is an extension of. If we can’t speak civilly with one another, free speech will wither and die I can promise you I won’t give up, run away, or surrender.. Online, people learn to hate people who disagree with them,and being cruel is so easy and free…thanks for writing…

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