What is all this about for me? It’s simple when I get to the core of it. I want to like and respect the face I see in the mirror each morning. That’s what I want. And I don’t want my heart to sink a bit every time I see my President speak.
Whenever you write for other people about politics these days, you are instantly labeled and dismissed as being a liberal, a conservative, a follower of the left or the right. We give people only two choices to make them think they have any, and then teach the rest of us to hate each other for choosing one.
After a while, people can’t see past either label; we are forgetting how to speak to one another, perhaps the most admirable trait about being an American. For all our craziness, violence, and greed, we never stopped talking to one another.
One day, we will figure out that we are all on the same side, and then the Priests in the Temple will be running for their lives. I don’t get angry when I watch the President shout at people and belittle them and lie and shamelessly promote himself.
It does hurt.
My stomach sinks. It isn’t about the left or the right for me; it’s about the pain and anger and cruelty that come pouring out the man, almost every time he speaks. And the pain at seeing so many people excuse this behavior and even celebrate it as heroic.
Perhaps it took a Pandemic to understand the personal harm it has done to me, the sadness and upset it has brought. It’s much smaller than politics; it’s too personal.
I had this fantasy once that the President was talking to me directly, much as the bullies in my middle-school schoolyard did, taunting me, upsetting me, belittling me. He is an empath himself, he knows what will hurt me.
It isn’t about politics; it hurts in that much more personal way – the pain of being bullied shoved aside dismissed – especially in the context of a virus that could threaten me and those I love.
It isn’t an argument for me; it hurts.
In my work on my precious blog, I wake up every morning wondering how to brighten people’s days, to cheer them up, to put up photos of loving animals and beautiful scenes. I take Joseph Campbell’s advice to heart – my job as an artist is to lift people when it is dark.
Why won’t my President try to do the same for me, and the many other people living in pain and fear right now, regardless of the labels he puts on me and everyone else? Even Rudy Guiliani did it once?
As a reporter, I was taught to step back and detach myself from my ideas because it got in the way of what I was seeing and writing, and that would be pointless for someone who wasn’t a politician, but a journalist.
No one I knew in journalism cared about a left or a right; it was never as important to us as the people who always complained and obsessed about it.
The arrival of the coronavirus was liberating for me because I finally understood what it was about the President that troubled me. It also woke me up to what is always a fundamental issue for me: what does it mean in our world to be a moral man or a moral woman?
I don’t hate President Trump. I don’t actually hate anybody. Politics don’t speak to me in the way of the enraged and aggrieved people who sometimes e-mail me.
I see that he hates himself, and that hatred is mirrored in his reaction to the world. And that is a painful thing for me, speaking only for myself. I know too much about it.
He hurt my heart a few days ago, and that’s when I decided to write about the moral implications of this unprecedented Pandemic. He changed my full understanding of the disease, and of the things I have been feeling.
The shrinks will tell you that anyone who says he or she is perfect is not, and knows it.
If you think about the strong people you know – no one is perfect – you may notice they never say they are healthy, they never say they are perfect, they never say they are smart.
Real strength comes from understanding our flaws and accepting them, not hiding from them.
The wise are almost always humble because they can face the truth about themselves. That gives them strength.
It seems strange to say it, but the President of my country hurts me almost every time he speaks. That’s what I realized recently, that’s what the coronavirus made so clear to me.
I realized this in a new way when President Trump praised the governors of the states who refused to order people to stay inside.
The President said he loved the Constitution more than anything, by which he was clearly saying he loved the Constitution more than he loved the people in danger who would die soon anyway. And he loved the Constitution much more than he loved a collapsing stock economy.
It was so obvious; you didn’t need to be a pundit to see it.
I learned over the weekend of the death of a young man in New York City and of his mother, who both died of the coronavirus within hours of each another.
The man was from a poor farming town near here, and he was successful in New York City, and he would come back to his village and give poor people money, help pay their bills, fix their collapsing front steps, buy enough heating oil to get them through the winter.
My turning point came when I turned on the TV to see Donald Trump attacking one of the governors who was begging for help to fight the virus; he called him a “snake” for criticizing him and his response to the virus.
Suddenly, all the governors realized at the same time that if they wanted to get help for their sick citizens, they must never speak poorly of the President, or they would not get the supplies they need to keep sick people alive.
You could see almost all their criticism of the President melt away and soften. Everyone started speaking in code. Such is the power of a vengeful leader. But not one who believes in democracy.
I was struck to see Andrew Cuomo, the proud and arrogant governor of New York City, suddenly begin his each daily press conference with some praise for President Trump, just like the groupies around the President. The governor got almost everything he asked for.
Everybody got the memo. All he had to do was roll over like a Lab puppy and take one for the sick people.
The great philosopher Immanuel Kant wrote that an action, to have moral worth, must be done from duty, not vengeance or self-interest. He also wrote that one who makes himself a worm cannot complain afterward if people step on him.
Honestly, this suddenly crystal clear realization shocked and hurt me; it is so far from what I think leadership is really about, or how I try to live my own life. In my lifetime, leaders always tried to rise to an occasion, above their individual worst parts.
It was just expected.
What a profound change in our national moral character when truth and compassions just don’t matter any longer.
I saw George Bush lift people up after 911, and Barack Obama do it after the South Carolina church massacre, and Ronald Reagan when he talked about “The Shining City On A Hill.”
I needed to be lifted that afternoon. Instead, I was brought down. I am almost always brought down, discouraged, anxious, and troubled. And yes, sometimes angry. I’d like to tell him that I need him, not as an enemy to be discarded, but as a human being with feelings. We are all upset, we are all afraid.
That’s the thing about the coronavirus; it requires us to define ourselves one way or the other – as a moral being, or as something else.
During my psychoanalysis in New York City, my analyst told me one day I was an empath in some ways, good quality for a writer. An empath has a particular ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.
It’s not 100 percent, and I can’t turn it on and off at will. But it happens.
My own experiences in life have made me hyper-sensitive to pain and self-loathing; I can sense them in a person in seconds. These feelings in other people go right through me like a bullet. I try to put them in a mystical blue cup, as the analyst suggested.
When I saw Dr. Fauci say that people like me needed to heed the call to stay inside so that I wouldn’t make other vulnerable people sick, I felt I had no choice but to stay indoors. I didn’t need him to prove it to me. It was no longer an argument.
I can’t say he was correct; I don’t know. A moral person would sacrifice a few weeks of mobility to save someone else’s life; it seemed a simple decision for me.
But it is this idea of putting others ahead of oneself that is the very idea most under attack by the President and his allies and followers. Morality is not about how we may make ourselves happy, or right, but how we make ourselves worthy of happiness. Good and evil don’t flow along political party lines.
A Trump supporter e-mailed me angrily the other day and asked if I believed any other Democrat could have done better than President Trump in dealing with the virus. Yes, I said some could, and so could any of the Republicans he beat in 2016.
Oh, she said, she hadn’t thought of them.
I was stunned to see a person who is supported by so many millions of people so fervently make it clear without shame or embarrassment that he would only fight to save the lives of people whose elected officials spoke well of him.
He even urged his Vice-President to not speak at all to governors who were not kind to him.
Because here’s my truth. A man who doesn’t love himself cannot love others. A man who knew no empathy cannot be empathetic to others. A man who never learned to be moral cannot lead other people in ethical ways. A man who was treated cruelly will often be cruel.
It is what he knows.
He speaks to the angry and disconnected because he is one of them, and that is why they love him in return. In the process, weakness becomes strength and cruelty becomes plain speaking. My whole idea of what it means to be moral is upended.
And I guess that hurts most of all. I don’t like what he does to me.
I don’t want to be hating anyone. And I don’t hate this man. But when I see him on television lately, I have to turn it off or turn away. He hurts.
The anger and hurt in him go right through me; he is getting even all the time for the pain he has suffered. I don’t feel sorry for him; I relate to him.
It hurts that while I think of him as my President, he doesn’t seem to think of me as one of his Americans. He doesn’t care what I think. I am part of the alien other, the stupid, the blind, and the devious, never to be trusted, never to be believed or listened to.
I grew up with refugees; I never expected to feel like one. I am starting to.
Kant puts the duties man has to himself ahead of the duties to others, in some ways, the very opposite of what we call moral behavior. But the standard, he wrote, is neither of the love of a follower nor self-love, but self-respect.
I know about that, I feel that when this man looks in the mirror, he does not see a person he likes or respects. That’s what the hair is about. I don’t even know what he looks like.
This is what hurts me because I know the feeling so well. It is, in some ways, the worst and emptiest feeling in the world.
I can’t bring myself to hate him or even judge him.
I feel for him; he is worthy of mercy and empathy. That’s not who I want to be. The moral man doesn’t just feel empathy for the people he likes; he seeks to feel empathy in particular for people who are disliked.
I looked in the mirror this morning, and I do not see what the President sees.
I am balding now and am just able to be photographed with no hat on. I’ve got the makings of the old man belly, and I am just now ready to go out in warm weather without a sweater or long-sleeved shirt.
I am older now, and just able to let Maria take a photo of me, and put it on my blog.
This is not only about vanity; it’s about self-respect. I am coming to love and respect who I am, and this is reflected in how I love, write, and what I do and wear.
Wrote Kant: “Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing admiration and awe, the oftener and more steadily we reflect on them: the starry heaven above me and the moral law within me.”
I am grateful to the coronavirus for one thing. Kant wrote that the devil makes a good theologian. “The problems of organizing a state, however hard as it may seem, can be solved even for a race of devils if only they are intelligent.”
Intelligent and thoughtful. Thank you
Thanks, Cathy
PROFOUND! Thank you.
I only just found your blog four days ago. I envy your wife, Maria, her beautiful husband but more her workspace…lol
I agree with you about T, I cannot listen to his voice or watch his supposed press conferences. You are correct, it hurts, it hurts all of us and so many do not seem to be able to see that. I am an art quilter and at this point in my life I’m a renter, widowed and use a spare bedroom for a workroom. I’m a happy person almost all the time but I’m with you on T. It hurts and I cannot watch, cannot stand the sound of his voice.
I do have a question, you refer to your previous life as being very hard, have you written about it?
My best to both you and Maria.
Thanks Susan, I’ve written about lots of things, as I hope you can see. My blog is my book now, everything I want to say is hear, I appreciate your good words.
This is one of the best things I have ever read. It is almost exactly how I feel. I must admit I feel hatred towards him.
I understand and somehow, he thrives on that energy.. I guess I don’t understand that part, only the part that relates to my feelings..I doubt hatred does any good, though, it will chew you up before it gets him..
So often, throughout the years I have been reading your work, it has seemed to me, that you are able to take something I have been mulling over and concisely make sense of it all. This wonderful piece is transforming on so many levels. The discord, hate and divisiveness in today’s world, has drastically affected my life, friendships and even my relationship with my partner, as I cannot abide the lack of civility and unkindness. I haven’t known what to do with the boiling feelings inside, and my usual coping skills were failing me.
Reading your post, as I sit quarantined at home with the Covid 19 virus, was the perfect antidote, and change of perspective I needed. Beautiful writing, and all an essay on this subject should need. Thank you!!
Thanks, Marcia, it is a revelation to me to have figured out that what I feel (and you feel) is apt to be what a lot of people feel, and I just have to make sure I am honest about it…
Great post. I hope we survive im
Wow. I’m finding it difficult to not hate DJT, not for his politics / tariffs / hair-do / lining his pockets, but for his damage to my country, especially now. I get it about compassion for damaged people, and we’re all damaged. But, beyond self-respect, there’s duty: put aside self-interest, re-plays of childish hurts – step up and take on the responsibility of POTUS. But, you’re right: he just can’t do it. Nothing to do but turn off the tv, take a walk.
I think that’s a wise place to land, Susie…
Oh my goodness Jon please take a deep breath. Do you understand and not remember what it was like during the Obama years? No, of course not. With riots and intimidation of anyone who did not agree. With police officers being slaughtered and their backing down not doing not doing their jobs because of what would happen to them, corruption in the highest level of our government,, constant shootings of innocent people, with people having a complete meltdown when to everyones surprise Hilary did not win, with Iran being given a million dollars in cash of our tax payers money. With Americans being beheaded overseas. There was a true Harvard arrogance with Obama. However, the king was protected in his castle surrounded by the protection of high walls and a moat which was the press and their never ending praise of his royal highness who could do no wrong. . Even many Republicans fell into that trap. We will never truly find out what happened in bengozi. And so yes, I felt I could not listen to hiim. Here leaving in California I have learned to be quiet no matter what working at a government job.
“He speaks to the angry and the disconnect. That’s why they love him so.” Really,?!On this I will make no further comment other than wow and maybe your insecurities. And again do we remember the Obama years? No, of course not, This is not Fox News or CNN this is written out of life. Would Trump have been my first choice,of course not.
Only a couple of weeks of self distancing? No,for us in California it is two months at least if not longer. I too wondered when we first began this why other states are not shutting down. Then I realized stopping people from moving from state to state or country to country is not ever really going to happen and that is not reality. Even now as we do our part 114 boats out in the ocean are heading our way to America that the coastguard is vetting to be allowed in to America. Life goes on whether we like it or not.
yes. covid19 is a very moral decision. We talk about Covid19 deaths which at this point is very minimal. But, but what about all the people that cannot get medical treatment during this time that are dying. I read of a young man in his thirties who had liver disease and it finally came time for him to have a transplant with his uncle donating part of his liver. This young man was within a week of his surgery that he had waited so long for when he got the call. Now he is dying.
There is only two ways the government can control it’s people. Through force or fear. At this point they are controlling us through fear. When the dust settles politicians will have to answer for what they have done.
In a situation like this no matter what the president does it will not be easy. Especially since the day he was elected it has been impeach Trump no matter what he did.
Barbara, thanks for worrying about me, I don’t want you to waste your time, either by reading me or expecting me to debate my beliefs with strangers on the Internet…I just don’t believe in it, it’s not how I wish to spend my time, and I don’t do the left-right thing either. My ideas can stand or fall on their own – this one is doing well. Read me or not, and good luck to you..P.S. I did read your lengthy message and I really have no idea what you are talking about or what President Obama has to do with my personal feelings about President Trump..try to blow past the left-right pre-programmed arguments, if you can, and maybe try it again.. (shorters)
Jon, I absolutely agree with you about the the closing of the American mind and our fading democracy. I am sorry I got a bit carried away. I will have to work on the blowing past. I will not connect Obama and Trump. I will just let it rest. I do greatly appreciate your comments and evaluation. I actually have high respect for you and have seven of your books and I have read several of them more than once. Thank you for your time and thoughtfulness. I wish you the best as carry on during this time. Good luck to you ,too.
Jon, You saved me. lol! As i was reading Barbara R.’s post, I was forming arguments in my head (I remember the Obama years quite differently than she does), falling into the left-right void. Your reasoned, calm response helped me extricate myself just in time. It is so easy to be distracted and side-tracked from the real issues.
PS Awhile back, you wrote several pieces on compassion. I still think of those and test myself if someone is really vexing me, “Can I find compassion for…?” Not that I become a doormat, but that I can respond in a respectful and civil manner.
Thank you for being a light in the world!
So true, Barbara. Millions of us suffered through the Obama years without feeling our heart hurt. We just didn’t like what he was doing to our country, as in heading for a one world government that Hillary was supposed to continue when she was elected. But…how dare we say anything or we would be labeled racist, so we just got through those eight years and elected someone that was not bought and paid for in Washington. Sometimes, what a person is accomplishing against all odds means you have to take the person with a grain of salt. Maybe, Jon, you need to try another psychoanalyst that can help you cope better with things/people with which you disagree so your heart won’t be hurt.
Good idea, Linda, are you volunteering to pay for my new therapy? I’m intrigued by the idea that because you didn’t like Obama, I must love Trump. You seem to feel quite sorry for yourself for surviving President Obama. Can you explain how that works? Does this mean that if I sometimes criticize President Trump, then you must love President Obama? I have no idea if you are racist or not, it is not of my business and I don’t care. Here’s a radical idea for you..why don’t you hate or love whoever you want, and leave me to be the same. I have no desire to be tied to your beliefs or for you to be tied to mine..What are you doing here?
Jon, I try to not let him live in my head, because it just makes me upset.
Well said my friend, I have always thought he was a bully and you could not have written it any better!! I hope all this will be over soon so that I can get back to work and see the kind and caring people that I have the pleasure of waiting on ( that includes you and Maria) , Please tell her hello from me. I hope this will make all of us alittle more caring of the people in this world and the cruelty and unkindness in this world fades away…one can only hope!!! See you soon, love Robin
Thank you for this beautifully written blog entry. You are so very good at putting your thoughts and feelings into words. This entry helped me to recognize why I am beyond being angry and feel so very sad for what is happening to our country. I will regroup and do what I need to do to try and help change the current situation, but for today I will just be sad.
Jon, this is what I needed to read this morning to help me understand my irritation when I hear his voice~
Neither do I hate him. Nor do I pity him. He is an adult and whether or not he is as wealthy as he claims he could well afford the counseling and therapy to help him deal with his upbringing.
I can not listen to him either. I have tried as he is our president after all. But his bragging and fact twisting and outright lying bring flashbacks to my long ago ex. What distresses me most is that he has been given the power to hurt so many people. And that other people are apparently ok with that.
A wonderful article! I have warm memories of our meeting years ago during the fall celebration. Some people you meet once and forget, others leave footprints! Thanks for the footprint!
Jon I have just recently found you and your blog. I too couldn’t put my finger on why I am having such a hard time with isolating and being home. I have worked my whole adult life while raising a family. I have thought about what it would be like to be able to do what I truly wanted each day. To work at what I wanted, read, rest, start a new hobby , wouldn’t that be lovely. But I can’t , I am frozen in my space.
I have been watching the news carefully as I always have. I am neither right or left, red or blue , I am just me, trying to keep my business afloat and my employees working while being safe.
But each day I find myself getting a headache, stomach ache and a bad feeling. And I couldn’t put my finger on it, was I sick, was I too anxious about my future, was it the ptsd I feel when my hubby’s transplant history and experience comes roaring back into my being? No, it is not those things , it is what you stated. I am sad , truly sad.
I had stopped watching the task force news conferences two days ago. I couldn’t take it anymore. The lies, the angry posturing, the self congratulations, and on and on. Why had we allowed this to happen. How could our country hAve allowed this bully to become our President.
Where was the leader we need at this time, The person who could put his own personal agendas aside and work for the good of this country’s citizens. He’s not at this press conferences.
So in order to not have a mental break I have stopped watching and listening to him. I only listen to my state Governor ( who has softened his attacks on Trump In the past days in order for our state to get what it needs) for the daily head counts of how many are afflicted and how many deaths. I just can’t subject myself any longer to listen to the narcissistic ramblings of a bully.
This being Holy Week I have decided to quiet myself down. To pray for the survival of us all , the health of my family who I miss terribly, to make silly fascinators for my granddaughters and drop them off with Easter treats , take joy in the birth of my goddaughters new babyJune born yesterday , and take a good walk with the my quietly strong and healthy husband each afternoon at the closing of each day.
Peace and health to you and yours.
Your writing is wonderful. I need it, especially now. Thank you. Be well.
SMH. Can’t believe one of my favorite authors that touched my heart in so many ways got so political. Suggestion please stick to beautiful animal storys
Suggestion: Please don’t tell me what to write, the blog is free and nobody is forcing you to read anything you don’t want to read. I will continue to write what I please, that is why I started my blog and here’s a hint – it won’t just be about cute animals. Take care and I hope you are safe and at ease.
thank you Jon.