Donald Trump has broken me in recent weeks and changed the way I see the world.
But John Updike gives me hope and the chance of redemption.
Updike was a brilliant author who taught the only writing class I ever took a few years before he died. In that class, he said that to be a great writer, one had to face up to the worst parts of himself or herself.
People who couldn’t do that, he said, were broken, and could never write well.
Wow, I thought, I have a chance. I decided today to write though my worry and confusion and pair my own worst parts against the self-evaluations of Donald Trump, my President.
I need to say that mine is not a political blog. Just a few weeks ago I wrote that I would not be writing about politics this year. President Trump, the rascal, made a liar out of me (is this the first worst part of me?)
I live in the country now and love it here, and feel very welcome. I know the people here to be both smart and generous.
I see how much they have suffered at the hands of economists and greedy and heartless politicians, and yes, urban “elitists.” I do not blame them for hating a system that has screwed them for decades.
So I’ve always given Donald Trump a break in my mind. There must be something to him.
I have to say that watching the President during the coronavirus crisis with an open mind and heart had just about broken my faith in the ability of many people to govern themselves wisely, the very thing Thomas Jefferson most feared.
He wasn’t worried about a King, he was worried about a mob.
I really hoped the President would rise to the moment, I needed him to do that, so did everybody else. Believe me, I was rooting for him, and for mostly selfish reasons.
I don’t care what the polls show this or last week, my gut tells me as a former political writer and a citizen that we are not only witnessing a truly shocking Pandemic that will change all of our lives, we are also witnessing something historic in a different way: the beginning of the end of the Trump Presidency, and perhaps of Trumpism itself.
We need a government that works, and a leader that speaks the truth.
I was a political writer for a while, but that’s not why I am writing this now, against all prior intentions. I’m writing it now because civilization as I understand it really is on the line, and people who can’t or won’t speak their minds will be marked forever, they will live in shame and regret.
What has this got to do with John Updike?
I sat down to write a satirical piece about calling a meeting of the animals on Bedlam Farm to talk about the virus. I couldn’t do it, I can’t joke about it yet.
Reading about Trump’s great praise of himself, I wondered if I could answer those same questions about me, and write instead about the worst parts of me. So I decided to compare my mistakes and flaws against the actual comments our President has made about himself.
I had a wild hour trawling online through his quotes, it was almost a psychedelic experience, a trip.
I wanted to see how I stack up against him, he is president and I am just an author on the far side of glory, writing on my humble blog from a small farm up upstate New York. Updike was right, a true writer faces the truth about himself, and can acknowledge it.
This piece was fun, in a way, but it was also very serious. Because Updike was correct, people who can’t see the worst parts of themselves can’t help themselves or other people. They can’t show or feel empathy, one of the central qualities of any successful leader of a democracy.
So here goes, the matchup, Donald Trump against John Updike, my writing hero, and me.
The Best And Worst Parts Of Us, Me And Donald Trump:
1.”I would give myself an A-plus..” Donald Trump, March 2020
JK: As a writer, I give myself a B, sometimes dropping to B-, in one book to a C. As a human, a D until breaking down, then a B plus (sometimes) in recent years.
2.”I’m a stable genius.” – Donald Trump, 2019
JK: I am unstable, can hardly spell, have never been called a genius in my life, and will not be now. I have suffered from severe mental illness and should never be trusted to run a government or a lemonade stand. My fourth-grade mathematics teacher, Mr. Hauser, held me back for the third time and burst into tears when told he had no choice.
3.”I give myself a 10″ – President Trump, commenting on his presidential performance at least six times.
JK: I see my number this way: for 61 years, I give myself somewhere between a 4 and a 6. For the next eight years, I give myself a 7 for trying to heal and learn and grow. For the next four years, I give myself somewhere between 7 and 8. I have Maria to thank for much of that. And my dogs. I do not aspire to get any higher, This was hard enough.
4.”I am not responsible for anything” – Donald Trump, denying any responsibility for the federal government’s role in the coronavirus, or any other mistakes.
JK: I am sorry to say I envy the President. I am regretful and responsible for any of my mistakes that hurt many people, wrecked a family or two, hurt my former wife and my daughter, and wreaked havoc with my own life. I am utterly responsible for those mistakes – there is no one to blame but me – and for working every day to be better.
I will never forgive myself for the person I was, I hope I can become the person I wish to be. Taking responsibility for my life saved me and more than a few others.
5. “The doctors tell me I know more about the coronavirus than they do…they can’t believe how much I know…” – Donald Trump, March 2020.
JK: I knew nothing about the coronavirus until last month and I hoped President Trump could tell me about it at the daily press briefings he suddenly began attending (there wasn’t another for more than a year.) I found him so dishonest, so opportunistic and ill-informed about the virus that I stopped watching his briefings altogether – he was floundering like a guppy who jumped out of a fish tank and onto the floor.
I began listening only to Dr. Anthony Fauci and my governor, Andrew Cuomo. The believed in facts and seemed to tell the truth.
President Trump did an almost criminal disservice to the country by misleading and lying to people at every turn. I am sure many people will get past that, I can’t. We all believe what we need to believe.
6.”I know more about the courts than anybody on earth..” Donald Trump, 2015
JK: I was a police reporter and knew something about the courts, but very little now. Frankly, I hope I don’t have to learn too much more. I will disclose that I drove to the country courthouse to answer a summons to Grand Jury duty recently. When I told the court administrator that I had open-heart surgery five years ago, he stood up, patted me on the back, and showed me out the door.
Does that count?
7. “I know more about renewable energy than anybody on earth” – Donald Trump, in a speech claiming wind power causes cancer.
JK: I am ashamed to say I know too little about renewable energy but I am scrambling to learn, I believe in climate change and I have given up my plastic bottles, carry reusable bags to the grocery store, am planning a compost pile, and Maria and I are taking out a loan to have solar panels installed in the South Pasture.
A friend from France wrote to ask if it was really true that our President thought climate change was a hoax. I couldn’t bring myself to reply.
8. “Nobody knows more about construction than I do.” – Donald Trump, in a speech on the nation’s infrastructure.
I can say with an open heart that I know absolutely nothing about construction, in any way or form.
9″ “Nobody knows more about technology than me…” – Donald Trump, talking to reporters.
JK: I am a lifelong Apple computer user, from computers to cell phones. I love technology and use it, but when I have a problem, I just call Apple and they always answer the phone and help me. I have no idea how it all works, I don’t care to know. As a result of being a great supporter of the late Steve Jobs, I use technology every day – it is essential to my life – and know nothing about it.
I think our ability to see the worst parts of ourselves and show our vulnerability and mistakes is essential to finding our own humanity. When I can no longer do that, I will be finished, as a writer, and as a human being, lover, and friend.
He has risen as a true great leader Jon. I feel very sorry for you if you think socialist Bernie or Biden who doesn’t remember from one minute to the next could do as much good for our country as Trump has down for us. Think how this would have played out if the borders were thrown open. How can you not see this is beyond me.
I feel sorry for you, Elise, you can’t seem to see past the hoary left-right rhetoric that is the opposite of thinking..you don’t even know what my piece was about..makes me sad…If lying and misleading in a crisis is greatness for you, then you will get what you deserve. I hope you haven’t lost the ability to be thoughtful. Very sad for our country.
Bless you for your words. She is lost, you are not.
Bravo Elise. You’re a brave soul writing this knowing that how he would respond. I agree with you 100%
Barbara, I would answer you also, but I have no idea what you are talking about or how it relates to what I wrote…Can you stop raging for a second and just write something thoughtful? I would be more productive for both of us..Elise can take care of herself, I assume..This left right back and forth is mindless, it doesn’t enlighten change minds or help anyone, it just erodes our democracy which depends on our talking to one another..I see these kinds of messages as just another kind of hate mail, and I don’t want them on my site..If you don’t have anything intelligent to say, go somewhere else please..If you do, please say it..
I know I deliberately chose a few words. I know elise is good and well able to take care of herself. And so I let parts of this post get the better of me and I hid behind Elise. I do and always appreciate how you take the time to write responses.
AGREED!
Good one, Jon!
I’m going to re-read Rabbit Run and the rest of the series.
Stay safe!
I think this pandemic has brought out some of your best writing. That last paragraph alone deserves an A plus. It says it all and neatly ties the entire piece together. Jon, you nailed this!
Very well written. Agree 150%!
Very well said and Jon you are exactly right!
I think by seeing our own vulnerabilities and shadow side gives us insight to be compassionate towards others I don’t strive for perfection as that is always a moving target. I hope to be kind and do good and when I know better I do better. Life is a growing process. Stay safe. Be well.
That was an enlightening piece Jon. I’m in total agreement. Makes me want to read John Updike. Stay safe and continue writing.
Awesome post Jon. I know too many people who refuse to see the worst parts of themselves. It’s hard to do. But necessary for true growth. I think the fear lies in becoming vulnerable and also admitting the worst things about us makes us feel like we are all bad when in fact we are all a mixture of good and bad. It’s called being human. But the growth comes in admitting our worst parts – forgiving ourselves for them- and trying to makes changes for self improvement. Oh and learning to loves ourself for who we really are is also important.
I agree with Barbara and many others: this pandemic has truly brought out your best writing yet. I am saving all of them. And, for those who disagree with your content without even taking time to consider, I feel most sorry. Yet, I know TRUTH is a hard pill for some to swallow, but it does as the Bible say set you free. Thank you Jon for truth. There are alot of us looking for it these days. I so appreciate your work.
We don’t have journalism these days we have “I got ya moments”. “I’m not responsible for anything” was a response to a reporter who was asking, “Do you feel responsible for the deaths caused by the pandemic” How could he say he was responsible for Wuhan Virus deaths? He didn’t eat a bat or a wild animal in an open market creating a new virus. He didn’t lie about it for a year or understate the deaths involved – China did that He didn’t fly in and out of a pandemic spreading it world wide, or go on cruises, or trot to Italy for a fun filled week. He used the information at hand AS IT EVOLVED and made the best decisions he could. No human being can do more than that. The press was crucifying him for closing traffic with China and the next breath asking why it wasn’t done sooner.
Not sure what you point is Margaret, as it relates to my piece…we don’t do left right arguing here..
Jon you feel sorry for Elise?? I feel really sorry for you and ALL your followers who continue to drink the kool/aid of the far left. You ALL just do NOT get our president!! Is he suppose to get up in front of the entire country (and the world) and SAY he knows zilch about all you have so valiantly accuses him of??? You and the “left” liberals have definitely NOT thoroughly thought out what makes Trump Trump. We all have our faults and Trump may be high on the fault list BUT I (and millions of other Americans) still love him and KNOW he’s doing an awesome job for the hand he has been dealt.
I’m sorry for you, too, Jackie, and for all the people who use labels to keep from listening or thinking …I would never be so narrow-minded as to say “you liberals,” or “you conservatives,” the dogma of the left and the right. Take it somewhere else Jackie, we actually try to listen and think here. I hope I never write messages to anybody like yours and I do feel bad for you…I don’t need to hate people who think differently than i do, blessedly…
My heart aches and my eyes leak when I read the hateful vindictive of some who have posted here. We have no need to hate each other; to cause the other grief. There are enough people in “high places” to needlessly sow that discord. The terrible truth is that people who do not see the lies and deliberate public degradation of perceived “enemies” are subjecting themselves to loss – economically, educationally, physically – and also endangering the republic.
In your most recent podcasts, Maria speaks of efforts to remain present. A few days ago I made the same decision myself (and was glad to have another agree w/its use); it seems the only way to avoid sinking in the mire of the moment. May we all prosper and be well through the practice of tolerance & self-knowledge, however we may arrive at it’s teaching. Amen
Well done, Jon! One thing that you have that Donald never has had and probably never will: the love of animals. They could give him that unconditional love that he craves. I think I remember him saying that dogs were germ-y. Recently, I’ve been re-reading some of your older books about trying to train border collies to be effective sheep herders, and you keep saying that you have to be a better human in order to help the dogs be better dogs. With all of his “advantages,” DJT has never had that advantage of caring for and about an animal. And one more comment: “None are so blind as those who will not see.”
Jon, You appear to be suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome but do not despair as it is treatable.
Remedy is 14 days at a minimum of not listening to CNN or MSNBC pundits especially Jim Acosta or Rachel Maddow. Some “satire” … but no “hand slapping” is needed (Reference: Marie & Jon reenactment of Donald and Melanie Trump hand-holding “tragedy”)
Some food for thought … do we call the following people “dishonest, so opportunistic and ill-informed…” on US world events as people have accused President Trump at the drop of the hat with COVID 19 where predictions & “truth” are not guaranteed or “known”
“This is not a major threat to the people of the United States and this is not something that the citizens of the United States should be worried about right now,” COVID 19: Dr. Fauci told Newsmax’s Greg Kelly on January 21 2020.
“I do not believe he will win, or come close to winning, or was ever close to winning… Donald Trump”
Jon Katz: Nov 7 2016 Posting: Election Day: What It Means To Me To Be Free. Liberty Rocks.
Well, I’m cured, Bob, your message is thoughtful and persuasive. I was wrong and I’m sorry. And thanks for my quotes, I love reading them again…
Yes, Bob and others who point to Dr. Fauci’s assessment on January 21 that the virus was not a major threat. the time, there was no proof that the virus could be spread through the community or “person-to-person”. As he and others got more information, they realized the danger. Dr. Fauci and others reassessed their original position. Once the danger was realized he tried to get the President to stop downplaying the danger and more than a month was wasted in responding and even the response has been SLOW and chaotic with the President constantly spreading misinformation and covering up his actions. For example, when asked by a reporter why he disbanded the pandemic team at the White House, he said “I just think it’s a nasty question,” the president responded. … I don’t like having thousands of people around when you don’t need them,” he said (March 18 2020), it was about two weeks later that he denied knowing anything about it. I’d call it convenient amnesia. I know many parents whose children lie to cover up….they don’t want to get in trouble. Perhaps, Trump has gotten away with this type of constant lying hoping the rest of us won’t remember. I know the President didn’t want to cause a panic but there were US intelligence agency reports warning of the pandemic threat in January 2020 – perhaps that was the time to prepare, to do an inventory of PPE and ventilators to ensure that our medical professionals who are putting their lives on the line everyday could have been better protected and have the tools to do the job on a timely basis.
Thank-you for this post, Jon, and for staying the course in light of some of the responses. We are all one people and embracing this is what makes one whole. I am so grateful to have you and Maria blogging and sending photos every day, and thank-you both for sharing your lives and your thoughts with all of us who read your posts. This post is one of your best, in my opinion.
Jon, thank you for another great read. I am in agreement with you, we need a leader and not a liar. Donald Trump’s administration inability to see this pandemic coming will have an impact on our entire nation for years to come. Thank you again for your writings! ❤️
We just can’t understand why two groups of people can see the same things, hear the same things, and come to totally different conclusions… I’m not commenting on which side is right or wrong, just wonder how this happens….any thoughts? And, I’m not kidding, we really want your thoughts.
It’s what demagogues do Sue, it’s not really new…When the government fails to keep its promises to people, demagogues rise up and usually burn themselves out because they don’t know how to govern…