I’ve been reading e-mail for decades now, and I’m a pretty good reader of the national mood, which e-mail always reflects very clearly if I pay attention.

People are afraid, tired of bad news, confused, bored, frustrated, impatient, and angry.

They are getting edgy and irritable, something that is inevitable. I am preparing for a lot more in the coming weeks and months, from me and from others.

The signs are appearing.

People start telling me how to live and what to write, correct my typos with a little too much enthusiasm, plead me to be gentler and softer,  and start writing to me about dead people and dogs.

And that was before the coronavirus, with it’s accompanying chaos, upheaval, sickness and death, and considerable uncertainty. I see and feel the edginess building up all around me, on and offline.

No tragedy in my lifetime has gone on for quite so long, hit so deep,  and spread so much chaos. Millions of people are closeted in their  homes, out work, their patterns and sense of reality shattered, often with young children, and for weeks and months (a nightmare of a different sort.)

And this is America, the land of no safety nets, so everyone is worried about money. Edginess is a big deal in my life, it’s an important barometer of my health and the health of other people.

I suspect the hardest time for most of us will be after the virus is under control, and there is no crisis to unite or distract us from the damage. I’m working on that now, planning for the future. Emotional strength will be so important then.

People are getting edgy.

They will get edgier. I am aware of my edginess, Maria and I have snapped at one another more than usual, there is an edge to both of us sometimes that we can see in the other. It is likely to get worse, so I’m figuring out what to do about it.

When we get edgy, we talk about it, and right away. We figure out what the real problem is, and we address it. That works for us.

I don’t mind being grumpy, but I don’t want to be too edgy, especially given the length of time this is likely to go on. I’d rather be a comfort to people than another source of irritation. I don’t plan to be one of those silent and snappy older married couples.

I’ve learned the importance of self-awareness, and so this is another spiritual and secular challenge for me: can I understand this edginess and deal with it in a healthy way?

I’m not the only one to notice.

Psychology today has even offered tips about edginess – “7 Quick Says to Stop Being Irritable.”

I got irritated at the title right away.

It’s like books that promise “How To Get The Perfect Dog,” or “Six Ways Be Happy.” I am a Calvinist at heart, there is no perfect dog, and you can’t happy in six easy steps to anything worthwhile.

There are no quick ways to stop being irritable.

The carona virus is upending lives, shattering dreams, bankrupting businesses and people, and threatening the homes of tens of millions.

The disease itself is terrifying; losing one’s home is a horrible thing to worry about. As a culture, we are addicted to cheap and easy fixes. For me, it’s never that easy.

Of course, people will be edgy and irritated, what kind of human wouldn’t be right now?

I get irritated every time I see our President pretend he cares about people when the cartoon above his head is screaming “stock market, stock market, re-election.” I am not a professional Trump hater, but leadership in tragedy is just not his thing.

And even the most loving couples get annoyed with one another once in a while. It is not instantly curable; there are no quick ways to eliminate it.

But I don’t have to helpless in the face of it, I can manage it and be aware of it. I can take responsibility for it.

Psychology Today suggests some tips for self-awareness;

Figuring out what’s making you irritable (I think we all can guess that one); reducing caffeine and alcohol (two of the very things many people need badly now);  focusing on the little things parents, spouses and kids do; being compassionate with your self (acknowledge that you are frustrated and worried); gain perspective by realizing what is important and how much other people are suffering more than you.

They also suggest getting rid of nervous energy. Ride a bike, take a walk, go for a run or swim.

My favorite of their suggestions  is solitude – get very quiet and find some time to be alone

Most of the tips above seem trite to me and not transformative.

There is no “quick” way to stop being frustrated about what is happening in the world now. For me, it will require real work and thought, not an easy fix. This is one of my problems with advice; it so often feels glib and trite.

Real change is hard work.

Being alone, descending into quiet, brings me perspective and understanding.

It takes planning and discipline for me.  All I have to do is think of a former colleague who had heart disease and just died in a New York City hospital, alone and choking to death on his fluid-filled lungs.  I stop feeling impatient or sorry for myself in a flash.

That is perspective too.

And I don’t wish to be irritable without thought. Neither am I running for sainthood.

I believe in the idea of emotional strength. Being aware of myself, being honest about myself, taking good care of myself, and embracing solitude as a way of getting to the deepest parts of me.

I’m in a position to try to use my blog to help people and lift them a bit. I need to remember that when I get annoyed.

And in the world of social media, there is always someone to be annoyed at; the Internet is the Promised Land for annoying people.

I believe that the virus, like many other challenges, gives me the chance to build my emotional strength and stay steady. It is an awesome responsibility to help hungry people or the elderly at the edge of life.

Maria told me the other day that when this is over, she wanted to look back and feel good about the way she dealt with it.

That is what perspective is all about.

I want to look back and believe that I was a helper, not just the helped.

I want to do some good rather than complain about the bad. Building my emotional strength is not easier either; it takes a lot of awareness, space, and a more comprehensive view of the world than just me.

I don’t expect to never be edgy or irritable, you will never confuse me with the Dalai Lama. I just want to be aware of what I am doing in a profoundly significant and challenging time.

Those are not easy things to do. But I’m on it; I will work at it.

Because we are entering a new era of fear and edginess, and I want to be prepared for it, not a part of it.