I have entered a new phase in my life in Corona World. I have my own governor to guide me and tell me what to do, I call her Governor Wulf.

I am now what they call “Sheltered In Place.” I don’t much go anywhere apart from walking a dog.

I call Maria”guv” for short, like the British detectives on Netflix call their Chief Inspectors CI’s.

I listen to my other governor, Andrew Cuomo, as well, but he doesn’t live with me or have to put up with me. I don’t think he’d like living with me, I think we would grate on each other.

I never really learned how to listen until I became a hospice volunteer and learned the power of what the social workers call Active Listening.

I wish I had learned it sooner, but it was essential for my survival as a child that I listen to absolutely no one in my family ever. So I didn’t learn how to listen and veered off in life on my own, lurching around like a car with bad brakes.

My life and sanity depended on not listening then, but it was not good for ordinary living.

In hospice work, I was told to just shut up and let somebody else talk. I couldn’t save anyone or fix anyone and it wasn’t my business to tell the people I visited that they were going to be okay when they weren’t.

They didn’t need lies or sugarcoating or cheering up.

I learned to listen and to be honest at the same time, two valuable lessons.

Because I didn’t listen to people for most of my life, I got in an awful amount of psychological and other trouble, culminating with a spectacular breakdown that had me talking to myself and popping little white pills.

I gave all my money away even when people told me not to. I bought a farm away from my ordinary home, I didn’t listen to people who said it would destroy my family. It worked out for me in the end, but that was luck, not brains.

When I met Maria, I learned more about listening, in part because she just won’t stand for not being listened to. She was ignored for most of her childhood and blown off by the people who should have listened to her, so as a result, she just wouldn’t put up with it.

Besides, she is very smart, tight as a tick, and bristling with common sense.

She would not put up with the crazy things I did because I didn’t listen to people.

In addition to being short, she is half-Sicilian and half-German. And she has a big chip on her shoulder when it comes to men, she likes very few of them and trusts almost none of them (me sometimes.)

I learned that short people can be as tough as nails, like Napoleon.

When I met Maria, she was pretty battered and I think I made most of the big decisions about our homes and lives. For a few months, I was the stronger one, and Maria deferred to me (and I wasn’t very strong.)

That did not last long. Maria is evolving like one of those mutant superheroes in the movies, she just seems to get bigger, stronger and more creative, all right before my eyes. One day she climbs up a tree, the next she saws up one that fell.

I think the best thing for men to do is hang out with strong women and do what they say. Things seem to work out for me that way.

And I like feeling less responsible for everything, as men are taught to do. Maria is a Willa Cather wife, strong and competent.

I mostly listened to the experts when the coronavirus crisis began to loom, but I also took some shortcuts. I went to Jean’s Place every day, did the grocery shopping, put myself at some risk, and unknowingly could have put some others at risk as we learned more about the disease.

Like so many people, I thought it was serious, but not really about me. I know better. If the virus got hold of me, it would be ugly. Starting last weekend, I’m pretty much in the house for the duration, I come out mainly to walk the dogs or get the mail.

Maria told me it was time. The little mistakes seem to kill some people.

I pay close attention to what Governor Cuomo says and what Dr. Anthony Fauci says. And to what Governor Wulf says.

To me, the President seems way over his head and keeps pretending he isn’t. It seems fake to me. I don’t trust his recommendations.

I am very knowledgeable about how the virus can affect others but balk at connecting the dots for me. I think I was getting too used to being the helper, not the helped.

Maria started worrying about me as the implications and dangers of the virus continued to creep closer to us, to grow and wreak havoc. She saw how much risk I was in, a 72-year-old with heart disease and diabetes – before I fully grasped it.

We had a few arguments about it, and I saw she was getting more upset; uncharacteristically short-tempered and increasingly angry about what she saw as my too casual attitude about my safety.

She wasn’t trying to boss me around, she loves me and was worried about me. That was worth listening to.

So I decided to let go of the remnants of my listening problems. I trust Maria, she has good instincts. It was a powerful spiritual and psychological lift to let go and turn myself over to someone else to guide me through this and get me to really pay attention. To listen.

My friend Sue Silverstein is deeply religious Catholic, and she says when she gets nervous she prays to the Blessed Mother, “she can handle things I can’t handle.” She turns the fear over to her.

I think of that when I think of Governor Wulf. Let go of some of this, I told myself. Acknowledge your vulnerability and myopia. Let someone else be strong.

In the morning, I ask her where I can go and where I can’t. I can drive her to the market, but I can’t go inside to pick out the papers for the Mansion. I can go with her to the Post Office, but I can’t go inside to talk to Wendy or open my post office box myself.  If we go to Jean’s Place, she goes inside to get the sandwiches.

And whenever I go anywhere, I have to squirt my Chinese hand sanitizer lotion on my hand.

I say “OK, Guv” and I find it’s nice to be loved and cared about, and it also feels good to have someone I trust to make decisions that were hard for me to make. So maybe I am finally learning to listen, it’s a good cause and about time.

It is not easy for me to sit in my car while someone else runs around doing my work. But it’s important.

Some people think it odd to buy a hand sanitizer from China, but I think they probably know a lot about it by now. I just asked the Governor. She says it’s fine.