Maria and I were driving into town (I’m only allowed to drive, I can’t go into places) when I looked over and saw that she was crying. She went into our food co-op and was embarrassed to have cried there.
A few minutes later, she drove back to the co-op and apologized for crying. They hadn’t noticed.
I didn’t really need to ask why she was crying, she is sad for all the suffering and fear and confusion that has suddenly upended our lives and upended the lives of many millions of others.
What’s going to happen? How many people will get sick and die?
Will our political leaders ever stop fighting and thwarting one another and address this growing list of troubles? And when can we get back to normal, if such a thing exists any more.
I don’t have answers to these questions, neither does Maria. But she has always taken in the pain and suffering of others, and I understand that crying is just another way of talking for her.
I don’t cry easily, I might go for a walk with Zinnia and practice today, I believe a good cry can empty the heart and make room for better things.
It is rare in my life that so many people are feeling the same thing at the same time and in the same way. Here’s to a good cry. Marcel Proust wrote that “we are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”
We should feel a lot of relief soon.
As the days “wear” on, I find myself becoming angrier and more frightened and worried exponentially as every evening nears. My anxiety seems to peak around dinnertime. I’m sure this is pretty much true for all of us, even if we try to stay away from the repeated hysteria of some of the news media. I’m keeping busy reading and doing chores around the house I never really had time for before all this.
I was stunned to hear yesterday that in our area cancer treatments are being delayed and bumped due to COVID-19. My daughter-in-law’s melanoma surgery has been postponed indefinitely in North Carolina. No one “elects” to get cancer. How can cancer treatments possibly be delayed? It boggles my mind. I know no one “elects” to contract COVID-19 either, but it is horrifying to delay proven treatment of a cancer that can be stopped in its tracks if caught early enough. I am certainly glad our mother and sister are not still here to witness all of this.
The two grocery companies we have ordered delivery from (loyally, regularly, and out of necessity) over the past 15 years) are so overloaded and overwhelmed with new customers who would have normally never dreamed of doing so that there are no longer any delivery dates available. I managed two weeks ago to get one of them to come March 31 when I usually get same- or next-day service, but this is it until who knows when. They have set aside between 7-8 a.m. daily for seniors and disabled customers to come shop early. I am not looking forward to venturing outside when I run low on things in a couple of weeks.
Not sure how this is all going to pan out, but I guess all we can do is hope for the best since we are all in the same boat. Trying to stay optimistic that things will gradually improve sooner rather than later. Chin up, Maria! I’ve been close to tears a few times so I know how you feel.
“All shall be well, and all shall be well and all manner of thing shall be well.”
― Julian of Norwich, 1342-1416
Wish that this were true!
Of course, we know it is not, but we are an optimistic lot.
The tears well up several times a day. I’d feel worse if they didn’t.
No “chin up” for me- that’s like telling someone else what they’re supposed to feel.
Waves of grief have their own rhythms.
Thank you Jon for validating & that broken limb photo.
Two years ago I lost a very dear, close friend. One of my grandsons, who was 6 at the time, after watching me trying to hold it all together, climbed into my lap and whispered, “Grandma, if you don’t cry, your heart and your head will explode.” He wrapped his little arms around my neck and patted me on the back while I sobbed. Wise words from such a young boy.
Wow that is beautiful. When my daughter with down syndrome was younger I went on an outing with some other women. It became clear that she couldn’t keep up, so the others left us sitting on a blanket while they went and got the car. I felt sorry for myself. We were sitting back to back as I had a pity party for one. One silent tear slipped out and ran down my cheek and plopped on my hand. Without turning from her doll baby Lottie said, “You worry way too much”. You see they are angels sent to teach us.
I read years ago that tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid upon it. I’m with Maria – I cry a lot. Don, like many men, could not cry. But yes, I find much relief in tears. I love this photo, Jon. Thank you for your blog in this crazy time.
This year since I’m having to stop working I have the joy of putting in a garden for the first time in years. I’m very excited about that. I’m getting so many delayed tasks completed. Yesterday I hung a gate in an opening that has waited a year to be mounted. Today I shall set two gate posts in preparation for two other gates I am mounting. It’s been such a lovely time to be off work with the cool weather. I’m thinking of biting the bullet and taking off every year the same in spring.
I’ve forgotten to mention I have turned off the nightly news. It isn’t what they are saying so much as how they say it that upsets me. When I got too afraid I turned them off. I can read the same information and it doesn’t make me feel the same way. It’s just information. I think it is the way they modulate their voices for ultimate impact that does it to me. I told my girlfriend the same thing, “Just step away from the TV”.
I’m with Cathleen! Go ahead and cry–God made those tears to be a release of tension. Scientists have discovered that tears of emotion have a different chemical composition and are different from just watery eyes. Women have been taught from childhood (or adolescence) : “Go ahead and have a good cry, hon, you will feel much better!” We have a lot to cry about right now, so go ahead and have a good cry–you will feel so much better! [you might need to do this several times a day because the worrisome news keeps coming.] In my practice as a counselor, people are afraid to cry because they think they won’t stop. They are surprised that they do stop–eventually. Just imagine yourself being held by sweet, strong arms or a big wide lap , and let go. I hope you all find some relief. with much love, M
Hello John.
I live in Dunedin New Zealand, and we are in lock down.
Our public library is closed, due to Covid 19, and I can’t read any of your lovely stories, though I think I’ve read them all.
Your posts keep us alive, thanks for writing.
You are right we don’t know how long this will last, our goverment has said a month, but it is looking like it’s going to last 2 months.
We are doing the best we can. thanks for writing such a meaningfull thoughtful post.
Chloe
Hang in there, Chloe..it will be a sad week, but the end is in sight…