We have a tough decision to make at Bedlam Farm, given the news this week. Maria and I were hours away from signing a contract to install solar power panels in our South Pasture, about 150 feet from the house.

It would reduce our electric bill immediately – especially in Spring and Summer –  and more than pay for itself, monthly and over time. But it’s hard to sign that loan right now.

In a sense, the coronavirus crisis is one about decisions in the most personal sense, a gallery of moral and practical considerations and choices, many of them never presented to me or anyone else before.

It’s a moral virus, in that it asks a lot of questions: who and what do we believe? How afraid should we be? How obedient? How many rolls of toilet paper do we need to buy? I saw three packages of chicken breast at our Food Co-0p. I only took one; I left two for someone else.

Last week, I outran an old lady for a package of 12.

What should we leave for others?

And the larger moral challenges: how can we help people equally, the people at the bottom of the rung as well as the ones at the top?

How much power should the government have, how many decisions are ours to make? Do I need to stay inside my home for weeks or months, even if I don’t live in a city?

Can I not see a friend I love or have lunch with him or her? Should everyone over 60 quarantine themselves inside, a notoriously unhealthy thing to do.

Should I not hug a terrified older woman crying out in need and fear?

And what does “Social Distancing” really mean?

And for Maria and I, a decision close to home: Should we go ahead with our plans to install solar panels in the South Pasture to help the environment and drastically reduce our electric bills.

For months, in the pre-corona world, we have been planning to apply for a small loan to install a row of panes in the pasture.

Both the federal and state governments offer generous tax incentives, and the monthly payments on the 15-year-loan would be more than offset by the reduction in our monthly electric bills.

There is no down-payment. The tax credits would be applied to the loan.

We were set to sign the agreement when the news broke last week that the worst of the corona spread is yet to come, and will be devastating, not only to people but the economy.

It seems almost mad to apply for a loan when the immediate future is so unclear and the economics so menacing. We are not wealthy; we have little reserves to draw up in things get ugly.

I’ve talked to the salesperson a dozen times, and I trust him. He is honest and considerate of our dilemma. He even waived the $500 application fee, saying he understood we would want to hang onto the money we have right now.

I believe we will come through this plague, almost all of us, and Maria and I both believe this move is not only good for the earth but good for us.

We can’t put the panels on our roof, it’s a slate roof. But the nearby South Pasture gets sun all day long.

The timing is right in terms of price and credits. Yet a voice inside of me says, “just wait, just wait, there’s too much uncertainty..”

I don’t want to put my life entirely on hold; this is a good thing to do.

Besides that, it would feel good to do now, a sign of hope and strength.

But it is also a decision we both have to consider carefully and be comfortable with.

I think it needs to be decided quickly, while this particular deal is still available.  And it might not be in a week or two. Or even Friday, given the reality of the moment.

And yes, it did occur to me, a sign of the times: what if I get sick? Do I want to stick Maria with a loan?

I welcome the challenge to make decisions carefully, thoughtfully, honestly, and morally. This one is going to be interesting.

The coronavirus, which I never heard of a couple of months ago, hovers above us, a kind of unwanted spirit, hovering over us and everyone else.

(Photo: The South Pasture, where the solar panels would go.)