Susan was taken off all medications not relating to her comfort today, a step all of her Patient Advocates – her brother, Donna Nicosia, and myself – agreed to after talking to each other and the medical staff.

This single room at Saratoga Hospital is her home now, and Kate, her hospice nurse (above) said it might be helpful for Susan to have some personal things from her house. We are bringing her some things tomorrow.

Maria and I went to her house this afternoon; all was in good shape under the watchful eye of her very loving neighbors. Maria and I and Jeff, one of her neighbors,  have removed the perishable food, cleaned the house up.

The heat is turned down; the windows are all shut, the garbage taken out, the car in the garage.

The house feels solid and clean, but already feels empty and somewhat lost. I think we leave parts of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we remain there, even if we have gone.

Susan was still there, of course.

I was thinking all day about what home means to Susan, and how we might bring some of that to her hospital room, where she will spend the rest of her life. I thought today that home isn’t really a place, it’s a person.

John Le Carre wrote in The Honourable Schoolboy that home is where you go when you run out of homes. I like that idea.

Susan is in her hospital room now, her final home, but I thought it might be comforting to her to see familiar things.

We went through her house looking for things to bring. She asked me for her laptop the other day, and I put her laptop in the pile.

I called her today, and she answered the phone. She said she is looking forward to traveling around the world. Then she fell asleep.

I found a pillow made from her father’s ties.

Her father was a warm and loving presence in her life, so we brought that. We brought another pillow that she had on her couch where she watched TV.

We brought photographs she took of a Long Island beach and a photograph I took of Bedlam Farm that she asked me to print for her.

She loved the farm very much, she said the farm was the reason she moved up here.

I don’t believe she will be able to use the laptop to write, as she wished, but she asked for it, and I wanted to honor her wishes.

I also picked one of Maria’s potholders that Susan bought – she had a box full of them – and we can hang that from the light and TV stand next to her bed. I know she will like looking at that.

She loved Maria’s artwork.

Maybe the sight of it will bring some peace and comfort to her.

I can’t bring her home to the hospital, and I can’t bring her back to her new home, which she loved and only lived in a little more than a year.

But perhaps we can fuse the two homes with the person, who is home in the most profound way.

This week, as Susan continues, I am ready to give her what she needs. Her friend Donna is coming up early in the week to say goodbye.

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On the Sally front, it looks like Sally will be going to Portland, Oregon, after all. Kathy who is adopting her is flying to New Jersey to buy her a seat and ride with her to her new home.

Sally is doing wonderfully, Cathy is very eager to give her a permanent and loving home.

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