I came up with the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for Maria, one she instantly loved (I told her this morning) without complaint or shouting.

I bought her the right to name a Bronx Zoo Madagascar hissing cockroach, complete with a digital certificate for just $15.

We can come to see the hissing roach, who lives in a tree just inside the door to the Madagascar Exhibit at the zoo. She was delighted, no yelling, no speeches about how she doesn’t need anything, no scolding for spending money on her, no whining or grumping.

In fact, this was the first gift I’ve ever given her that she didn’t yell at me about.

She got excited and went on the Bronx Zoo website (we are members) and bought me 30 minutes of face time with a Penguin the first week of March. I was, somewhat to my surprise, excited. We’re going to find a motel room somewhere near New York City (far enough away not to cost $400) and have our own particular Valentine’s day celebration.

I’ve always loved Penguins and look forward to meeting one close up. I’m told they won’t be around too much longer outside of zoos.

Of course, I also bought her something else for Valentine’s Day, which she doesn’t know about and will yell at me for getting. I can’t help it. It’s a joy to buy things for someone who has never, ever, bought a thing for herself. She can yell all she wants, she hasn’t slugged me yet.