At Jean’s Place, a couple approached me and asked about training their new Lab puppy, who is chewing up their house, their socks and shoes, their carpets and table legs and peeing and dumping all over the house.

He’s Zinnia’s age, and they had a bit of panic about him, imagining life when he gets bigger. He’s already pulling them across the road on walks, and they were struck by Zinnia’s calm.

I heard them watch Zinnia and say to each other, “how does he do that?,” as if asking a dog to sit is a profound achievement.

This is not brain surgery, I told them. They have to define their own life with their dog, mine is just mine. I will not have an animal in my house crapping all over the place and damaging our belongings.

I use crates and gates to contain the puppy – Lab puppies are a handful, always – to teach Zinnia to be calm. For every hour she plays and runs, she is either alone with me in my study or in her crate with a good hard safe marrow bone.

When we eat, I put her on a leash and tie it to my leg. So when we are eating, she has learned to lie down and chew on a bone or sleep. She never expects my food because she never has gotten one bite.

I have a gate up in my study, and when I come in to work, she automatically comes in and sniffs, chews and naps.  When I write, she curls up next to me and goes to sleep.

When I leave my office, I close the gate and she sits waiting for me, or just sleeping quietly. This time alone is where she learns to spend time by herself, be calm, and get grounded. It is a very important time.

She is free to be a maniac for several hours a day. She is required to be calm and at ease for just as long.

The couple I was speaking to were shocked and said they would never crate their dog, they couldn’t bear to do it and besides, crates are too expensive. Really?, I said, how much have you spent on carpets, shoes, socks, towels, and boots?

They looked at one another and blinked. It’s a curious thing about dogs. People think it’s a badge of honor to never spend money on a dog. Nothing is free, certainly not dogs.

Great dogs are not handed out by God.  We make them.

Kirsten is a vet who posted this on my blog:

“As a veterinarian, I know all too well the cycle of folks who ask how you got that well-mannered and healthy dog – then when you tell them, “Oh I could never do that, that wouldn’t work for me.” These types don’t actually want advice or help, they want you to sympathize with their self-induced situation.”

I think that’s quite perceptive of Kirsten. I often get the sense that people take pride in their out of control dogs, as if their wanton permissiveness is a measure of love. They also are looking for sympathy, not learning.

We all know how this works with children, why would it work better with dogs?

The proper training of dogs takes thought, care, work, and leadership. Cesar Milan is right about that. Zinnia is becoming the dog we want to her be, but also the dog we are training her to be, and helping her to be.

And believe me, I am no hardass macho man. I am the King Of Squish with my dogs. But not when it comes to sacrificing my own dignity.

Our crates and gates have been essential tools for our training. So far, she has not chewed or damaged a single thing that was not hers. She’s had a couple of peeing accidents in the house since her urinary tract infection. She’s never had a bowel movement in the house.

When Zinnia sits at the gates, she never barks or whines. If she does, she doesn’t get out.

Dinner times are quiet. She has never eaten human food and does not come near us while we eat. She is not a perfect dog, nor do I wish her to be. But she is a very good dog because we work hard to show her what that means and we give her the chance to find herself and know herself and chill.

My dogs love their crates, go voluntarily into them for peace and quiet, which they need as much as we do. They give us a measure of calm and control. They are the pathway to a good relationship between canine and human.

I would be embarrassed to tell people my dog was chewing up my house. Why would I let that happen?

I felt badly for the couple at Jean’s Place, but I told Maria they are getting the dog they want, for reasons I don’t quite understand.  Chaos works for some people, it’s not my idea of life with dogs.