A blog reader wrote the other day that she was surprised to learn I deal with anxiety, especially at night. “You seem so confident and uplifting to me,” she said. “I have fear also and this makes me feel even closer to you.”

I think I’ve known for a long time that every single person reading this knows fear and anxiety, we are human and fear is a part of being human. Animals need real danger to be afraid, but people feel frightened all the time.

We not only fear real danger but past and future dangers, we are the only animal on the earth that does that.

This is where angels come in for me. They take many different forms, sometimes human, sometimes dogs, sometimes cats, sometimes flowers or trees or birds.

I found my angel in a dying flower basket.

“What’s up,” I asked. “Why are you here?”

I thought I caught a glimpse of a smile, this is not one of those cheerful angels, like the movies.

“To keep you moving forward,” she said,”that is the message. You get broody sometimes, you are more delicate than you let on. Life is full of ups and downs, sometimes you need a kick in the ass to stay up.”

That’s not very angel-like, I said. “Really?,” she replied.

I said I thought Maria was an angel, come to bring me love and lift me up. She is so full of love and life that she pulls me right along.  Angels often take human forms, says the Kabbalah.

I never feel old or older around her. She is a spirit person, generous and curious and intuitive. Around here there is no choice. Live or leave.

“Yes,” said the angel,” but you are a handful. Sometimes even the best angels need help.”

“So you are here to harass me? Reinforcements?”

“I wouldn’t put it that crudely,” she said. “You’re doing well. You take some work. Just keep going. Keep going forward, not backward. That’s all I have to say this morning, I’d like to catch some sun. Now that I’m out of that cursed birdbath, I need some sun.”

Okay, I said, Thanks. I think.