Yesterday, I became the first person to ever use Apply Pay at the Moses Farm Stand in White Creek, N.Y. I spent $18.73 to buy some fresh picked sweet corn, eight plums, and some tomatoes.

The staff had never used an Apple Pay system on an iPhone and had to confer to remember to hit the “charge” button, the phone did the rest. The phone found the reader, checked my Face Id, and sounded the chime that meant the transaction was successful.

“Wow,” said Judy, our friend who has been selling us vegetables for  years, “this is pretty exciting.’

It was a big moment for me, too, even though it is a commonplace occurrence in America these days.

I was just notified a few days ago that I am eligible to receive one of the new Platinum Apple Cards, a new kind of credit card that works as a card and also as a phone app.

Maria was mystified at my excitement that it meant so much to me, and I had to step back and explain it to her. I am not really into gadgets, beyond what I need to do my work.

I sure caused a lot of excitement at the Moses stand. I guess I’m a pioneer of sorts.

There are several reasons I am excited.

One, I am forever grateful to Steve Jobs and Apple for the products they have made, the books and blog posts I have written, the things I do on my iPhone, and the extraordinary customer service they have provided me.

They answer the phone quickly, they are patient and clear, they have helped me climb out of 1,000 holes.

I felt a personal connection with Steve Jobs, it seemed he was making Apple devices with me in mind, I’m a person who desperately needed to use computers but never really cared how they worked. I’ve written every word in my writer’s life on an Apple computer. That means something to me.

I could not have written all those books, written 27,034 blog posts and stored all those photos without Apple. Steve Jobs shaped my life so much more than my own father.

But beyond that, I had the sense I was experiencing something important, something bigger than me, something that will soon change the way we think of money and use money.

Soon, I will not be carrying any kind of cash. Soon, I will not need plastic credit cards or even a traditional wallet. All of my money will be used and seen and stored digitally.

Jobs had this particular genius for sensing new inventions that would change the way we live – the Ipad, the iPhone. I believe the Apple Card is one of them. Buying something is simple beyond my imagination. That’s something for me to be careful about.

In a few years, this Apple Pay and Apple Card will be all that I really need when it comes to paying bills, buying things on Amazon, shopping. That could even happen in a few months for me. Jobs is dead, but this particular genius seems to live on in Apple, and it comes with the Apple Card for me.

It is not just another credit card.

As I bought my tomatoes and corn this morning at the Moses Farm Stand, I watched the wonder in the eyes of the staff there, as they watched the future unfold right in front of them It was a special moment.

I loved being part of it, I am not used to being in the forefront of things, although I sometimes am (my blog!).

And there was a more personal issue.  I worried I couldn’t get an Apple Card.

In 2014 Maria and I declared bankruptcy, driven into a deep hole by the real estate crash – it took is four years to sell the first Bedlam Farm, and then, we practically had to give it away – and the Great Recession.

We fought so hard and so long to avoid bankruptcy, I will never the forget the moment when I surrendered to it, and turned to Maria in tears, and said: “we just have no choice anymore.” We denied that reality for too long. I am a prideful man, she is a prideful woman, bankruptcy was never in my consciousness or sense of self.

I understand that lots of people have to file for bankruptcy, and it is not usually anybody’s fault, despite what the credit card companies would like people to think.  Life doesn’t make moral judgments, cold-hearted people do. We got caught in a bunch of storms.

The bankruptcy judge agreed. Still….I never wanted to be there. I never imagined being there.

I felt humiliated, defeated. Every time I was rejected for a credit card application it stung, it was a brand new experience. I was told again and again that I could not be trusted with money.

The government insisted I take a two-hour course online about spending within my limits and understanding that bills had to be paid. It was demeaning.

And we came very close to losing our second farm, our home. It was our hardest time together.

I took my medicine. No whining. I didn’t blame anybody else. I was grateful in many ways to live in a country that could forgive impossible debts. A hundred years ago, I could have ended up in jail.

I couldn’t order most credit cards, my seven years of punishment are not yet up.

I couldn’t apply for any loans or resources that required a bank’s approval. For some weeks, we were dunned by bill collectors and process servers,  until the loans were canceled by the bankruptcy court.

I felt the stigma of bankruptcy, and also the injustice of a system that requires so much money to live. I took responsibility, as did Maria. And we are the lucky ones, we could recover.

I found one or two credit cards that offered me low credit lines and outrageous interest rates.

I learned to manage money in a different way, and see it in a different way. I was ever cautious about what we bought, what repairs we could make, how many animals we could have, about the quicksand that credit card debt could be.

I tried to get one of those cards that helps pay for huge animal medical debts and was denied. I got another credit card from a company that looked up my years of prompt on-time payments and got another card.

The credit lines were very low. But I had a way to rebuild my credit.

I paid every bill before it was due, and paid every credit card bill before it was due and more than was required. I avoided large credit card bills like the plague.

I rebuilt my credit month by month, year by year. My debts were forgiven, but my credit would take a while to recover. It was a humbling experience for me.

But even though I was caught up in a situation I had no control over, I did learn a lot from my bankruptcy. I learned to always know how much money I had in the bank. To put some away for emergencies. To pay every bill promptly.

I maintained my car scrupulously because I don’t want to buy one now. I pay my mortgage the day it is due.

I signed up with a firm that monitors my credit rating and tells me of any changes, good or bad. I watched my credit rating rise slowly but continuously, as high as a person with a bankruptcy on his record can go for now.

I got several cards over time and learned to make small purchases and pay them quickly. I always pay more than I owed. Every six months since the bankruptcy, my credit score has gone up.

Every one of these cards has now raised my credit limit. I won’t use it or need it, but it is nice to have. There are no pensions or fat IRA’s in my future.

When Apple announced it’s new credit card earlier, I decided to apply, not sure if I would be excepted. It would have stung if Apple – I used the first IMac – rejected me. I’ve been buying and using Apple products for more than 30 years. I have a spiritual connection with the company, I see myself as one of their children.

Steve Jobs would never do this to me. Perhaps his ghost is watching over me. He was big on loyalty.

When I was approved – my credit was checked and investigated, the credit line was cautious – I felt I had entered a new realm, I had moved forward, I felt I had proved something worth proving, showed myself that I really can manage money.

I learned never to hide from money, but to face it, think about it, and get creative. I know how much I owe to the penny, and how much I have.

My credit monitoring company told me that Apple was checking my credit. I was glad they checked my credit rating. I worked hard for it. But I wasn’t sure what to expect.

With my Iphone, I can use my Apple Card right away. It will help me heal as well.

The actual card is coming later this week. I activate it by holding it near the Iphone and double-clicking on a prompt.

In a sense, this will restore some of my lost dignity, gave me back some of my smudged pride. If you have ever declared bankruptcy in the Corporate Nation, you will know what I mean.

The Apple Card is a metaphor for me, a symbol of being responsible for my life, of learning how to manage money well, of healing from those painful and frightening years when I felt was drowning, helpless in the face of things I just could not control.

I love the whole idea of the card. And okay,  I won’t lie, it’s pretty cool.

Today I bought fruit and some vitamins and frozen paper-thin gourmet goat cheese pizzas with the card, I spent $41.73 and paid it off instantly with the “Pay Early” button. I loved the experience of pointing the phone at the card reader, getting my face scanned with Face ID and hearing the chime that meant it all worked.

It takes seconds, I don’t need a wallet or a card to shove in a card reader and wait for prompts.

I’m going to put most of my credit cards away or chop them up. I thank them for their service.

I learned a lot from my bankruptcy. I have more empathy than I use to have, I conscious of not blaming the poor for being poor. It’s not hard to get into financial difficulty in this country.

 

 

I understand that it’s not just the needy and the reckless who file for bankruptcy, there were lots of people just like me in the court waiting room. I heard from many more. I wrote about it, of course.

I have learned to be more compassionate, as well as more responsible. And also more creative. I have a small but powerful taste of what it is to be poor.

I always shoved bill and money off to someone else if I could. They are my job now, every single one.

I am excited to get the card. (Maria is ragging on me, she thinks I’m bonkers, she’s not into the far-reaching implications of tech!)

Everything is a gift, and if Steve Jobs is anywhere up there looking down – unlikely, from what I  have read – I tip the cap to you, Steve, you have once again enabled me to use technology to live my life the way I want to.

And I always want to understand change, and never flee from it or grump about it.

I always had the feeling you were thinking of me, Steve,  when you made your computers and Iphones and tablets. And now, the Apple Card.

Thanks again.