I love Maria’s smile, it is both radiant and genuine, and it is, for me, my sun.  When she smiles, there is a glow all around her. Her smile comes from deep inside of her and takes over her whole being.

I can see the light and feel the warmth of that smile from a long way off. She is shy sometimes, so when I can catch the smile, I do.

This morning, she was sitting on the porch, fussing over one of her beloved videos, and I pointed out that there was a ring of animals around her, as is usually true.  This time it was Bud, Flo, and Fate.

Maria turned and smiled, and there is no better way for me to begin my day than to see her smile.

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves,” wrote Thomas Merton, “to have the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”

These words, written by Merton in No Man Is An Island, one of my favorite books of his, were the wisest I have ever read about love. Maria and I fully accept one another, I believe that is the cement that binds us to tightly to one another.

I have never in my life been accepted so fully, and I believe that is also true of her. I learned later in life that true love calls on me to be more selfless than I have ever been, to love her for what she is, not for what I might like her or want her to be.

Men seem drawn to domination in my experience, I am drawn to acceptance. There is nothing about her I would change (except for her destructive habit of irresponsible dish stacking, she broke two more things last week. She sees broken glass and porcelain as an art form.)

She does not ever try to change, although she does know how to handle me. The two things are different. And I think I know how to handle her. The other morning, after complaining for hours about how much work she had to do, I found her in the kitchen, washing, drying and sorting dishes. Without a word, I took her gently by the arm and just walked her out the back door.

She left without a murmur and went off with Fate to her studio, where she made a beautiful pillow she sold in seconds. Later, she thanked me for walking her out the door.

This morning, I told her I was worried about the new Bishop Maginn Security Wish List, would people buy the items on it? You never know, I said, and the school needs those things so badly.

I don’t even want to hear it, she said. I’m going for a walk in the woods. And I went back to work. Love is thinking about what she wants, not what I want.

I don’t ever want to love the reflection of me in her, but I love for that smile. I goes right through my heart.