Earlier today, I went to Albany to visit the young artists and refugees in Sue Silverstein’s class. School is out for the summer, but Sue opens up her class so the creatives can come in and do their work in the morning.

Today, Asher, one of the students at the Bishop Maginn High School  read me a poem he wrote – his first – and he read it on a video I took of him.

The poem was beautiful and haunting, and Asher, who is honest and  open, talked about the times when he and his mother both thought of suicide, but kept on living because they knew it would hurt one another and others  if they didn’t.

This experience of reading his poem and watching the video had me thinking all day, and tonight, I thought I ought to write Asher a letter, I know he reads the blog.

Asher has been very honest and open with me, and I wish to be the same way with him.

My letter

Dear Asher, thanks for reading your poem to me today.

I very much appreciate your trust in me and your honesty. I related to the poem very strongly, and also to the words  you spoke about why you wrote it and how you are fighting a way past a terrible time along with your brother.

I wanted to tell you several things. First, you are not alone. I had some difficult times in my life when I was your age, and I often thought of suicide.  I know how you feel.

I’m glad I didn’t do it.

When I came out the other side, I found that life can be rich and meaningful and beautiful, even if the sadness and sorrow never completely goes away.

Love is healing, so is your poetry. So is your spirit and your gifts.

I want to say that you are important, to me,  your teacher, your friends, and to other people – your brother, your mother. You matter. You have a special mind and some special talents, that is evident to every who knows you, including me and your teacher, Mrs. Silverstein.

I don’t know what your religious beliefs are and it’s not my business, but I think the Gods, in whatever form have blessed you with a sensitive soul.

I wanted to tell you that fear and sadness is a geography, a space to cross. It’s all feeling. You just walk through it until you get to the other side, and the pain recedes and the world is full of color and light.

And there is another side, if you keep your focus, you will definitely get there. I get the sense you are still in a dark space, but coming out of it into a brighter one. I see you talking to your friends with so much spirit and energy, I know you are entering a new chapter and beginning to walk on the brighter side of life.

Don’t let anyone tell you that this pain will all go away one day, and vanish like a magic potion or spell. Life doesn’t work that way, I suspect you know that, you seem wise beyond  your years.

I will never forget those days, they seemed endless and unbearable and hopeless – I wet my bed until I was older than you are now. But the best thing about that kind of suffering is that I got to recover every day, there are worse afflictions to have.

People like you and me will always live with our ghosts, but I wanted to assure you – promise you – that it gets better if you want it to get better. I believe you do, or you wouldn’t be writing poems and painting pictures. That is your work,  your path.

I am excited by your response to the poetry book I gave you, I want to also tell you that the creativity in you is a powerful healing medicine, if you are dedicated and authentic about it, it will help you cross  your River Styx and get you to the other side.

The river’s murky depths can pull you down or can make you unbeatable. Our choice. I chose life myself, although I am still working on the unbeatable part.

In case you don’t know, the River Styx is a principal river in Greek underworld mythology. The river forms a border between the dark underworld and the land of the living. People can go both ways – into the darkness or out of it. It is up to them.

Pain is inevitable in the world, I believe, but suffering is a choice.

I believe you are quite special Asher,  you have a lot to offer the world. One day, you will see it as clearly as I see it and others see it. I’ve learned that everything is a gift, my troubles and difficulties have nourished and inspired my creativity, given me work that I love, and helped me to grow and strengthen as a human being.

Everything I have, I have because of that hard time. It was hard, but I wouldn’t change a day of it.

I don’t know you that well, at least not yet, and I hope I’m not being intrusive or pretentious. I just felt it was important that I write this letter to you. As you know, Maria and I are both coming to Albany next Wednesday, we are having lunch with Principal Tolan and Mrs. Silverstein.

I asked them both if we could invite you and your brother Issachar to lunch, also, and they said that would be wonderful. So you two are invited (I like Thai food myself, hint, hint.) See you then. 

Jon

P.S. Check out the new Bishop Maginn High School Wish List. The campaign for school supplies is about to begin.