A few months ago, my dentist, Dr. Dembrowski, a doctor I trust and respect greatly, told me I need to have two crowns replaced, she was especially concerned because there had been recession of my gums, there was deep tooth decay around the base of them, I might need oral surgery.

First, I had to get some deep cleaning from Sue, who did some painful but necessary gum cleaning.  She even played Aretha Franklin on the speakers for me.

Today I went to have the crowns removed, to be fitted for two new ones, and to have the decay removed from beneath the old crowns, so the new ones would be added.

We had a good time, all things considered. It was pretty intense, it took two hours, and my mouth is sore.

I had nothing to do but lie there and wait for my novacaine to take  effect, Dr. Dembrowski and I talked about the Avengers movies, and she explained how Captain America went back in time and emerged seconds later as an older man. She didn’t like the ending of the movie either.

When I left, we went over what all of this would cost. Shelley, the office manager, said the insurance company wouldn’t pay for any of it –  we were not surprised. The procedure took two hours and was effective. I don’t need a root canal, at least for now. I have two temporary crowns in my mouth, am going back in a few weeks to get my new ones.

Dr. Dembrowski and Ariele (above) worked awfully hard and saved me from further or more serious damage. It seems they caught it just in the nick of time.

When I left, she told me the bill for all this work would be $4,000. I did gulp. This was historic, the largest medical bill I have received in my life. My open heart surgery cost $400, the insurance company did pay for almost all of that. We never really know why they do what they do.

I had a momentary panic. Like most people I do not have $4,000 in the bank waiting for an emergency. I asked Shelly if we could work out a payment plan. She said sure, of course. Up here in the country, when you want time to pay a bill, people usually say “sure, we know where you live.” That’s  just what she said.

I’ve been going there for some years, we know and trust one another.

Before panicking, I decided to be grateful for the truly wonderful work Dr. Dembrowski and Ariele did this morning, and the work Sue, the hygienest did to prepare my teeth for the surgery. It could have been a lot worse, and it almost was.

Then, I remembered a man I met in the waiting room on one visit who needed surgery on his gums and had two infected teeth. He wasn’t going to get any treatment, he aid, his wife was sick and needed a lot of medicine, they couldn’t go into debt any further.

What will you do?, I asked. “Well, I’m 77, I just hope I’ll die before my teeth fall out. What else can I do?”

Lots of people have it worse than me, I see them in the line at the pharmacy all the time, bartering for a few pills at a time, because they can’t afford to fill the prescription. I love my country, but are sometimes a very hard people.

I’ve given up on panic and any form of self-pity in recent years, it is epidemic as I look around the world. I turn instead to gratitude and faith. Ali Wilson of Portland, Oregon wrote me a beautiful letter I found in my Post Office Box his morning, she read something I wrote about being broken. “Louise Penny says,” Ali wrote, that “brokenness is how the light gets in,” and she added, “how the darkness gets out.”

A beautiful point. I am careful now about what angers me and what frightens me. Faith and gratitude are anchors.

I also decided to be grateful for a dental office that would work with me to pay this unexpected debt off over a couple of months. I remember when Maria needed dental work and she asked if she could pay it off in installments and they suggested she get a new credit card, offered for just such occasions.

In our country 47 per cent of the population does not have $400 available for any kind of emergency. I am not quite there, but close. It is a very common experience and I hate to think of how many needed dental procedures don’t ever get done.

I am one of the lucky ones. I get the best dental care, can keep my teeth and mouth healthy and can pay this very large amount off in chunks. I don’t have to go into debt.

In our time and our world that makes me lucky, and I appreciate it. Dr. Dembrowski and Ariele and Sue and the dental clinic earned every penny of this pill and I am already at work plotting how to pay it off.