At the farmer’s market this morning, three different people came up to me to ask about Red, and scores more have messaged me over the weekend asking how he is. Red is not just my dog, he belongs to a lot of people, I acknowledge that and take responsibility for it.
Our podcast today, our 11th (we thought it was nine) is about Red’s impending loss and also about how we deal with grief. It is a sad subject, but not only sad. My dogs are nothing but a joy to me, and also to Maria.
Maria and I have dedicated this podcast to Red, now we cope with his sharp decline, and the lessons we have learned here on the farm about losing animals and grieving for them.
We both hope this discussion will be helpful to others, as all grieving for pets we love is difficult, and animal grieving, in its most extreme forms, can be a serious mental health issue for some people.
Everyone reading this has lost a dog or will lose a dog, that is the nature of a life with dogs, and you don’t have to suffer from extreme grieving to feel a lot of pain. My belief is that pain is inevitable in life, suffering is more of a choice.
Everyone grieves in their own way, and is entitled to their own way of handling it. Whenever I write about grief (I wrote a book about it: Going Home: Finding Peace When Animals Die), people thank me for sharing my experience.
I can’t begin to describe how much Red has meant to me, or how he has shaped and enriched and changed my life. I was hoping he would retire to the easy life of the older dog, but I am beginning to see that we don’t have that much time.
Maria also loves Red deeply, and we are both steeling ourselves for the experience of losing him. Our world will be different.
Red can no longer walk more than a few feet, he is increasingly deaf, nearly blind and is struggling to get comfortable. His heart rate is slowing steadily. He is the most remarkable and wonderful dog I can imagine, and I will be forever grateful to Dr. Karen Thompson for choosing me to get him. I hope I have given him the life she wanted.
I will not permit him to suffer or live a life of pain. I’m not there yet, but we are not far away. A couple of days away, Red could not complete a short walk, he had to lie down every few feet.
He has worked every day – he has his own private flock of sheep – and comforted countless people who are sick, aging or dying. He follows me and accompanies me everywhere I go.
In so doing, he has opened up a deep channel of humanity inside of me, it was waiting to come out. Red has opened me up more than any living thing except Maria. He led directly to my Mansion work and even the work with refugees. He taught me to try to be generous and empathetic.
On the podcast, we also speak of Rocky, our blind and aging pony, of Rose, Frieda and Lenore, some lambs and sheep. We are, like most of you reading this, no strangers to animal grieving.
Maria and I share all of these decisions about life and death on the farm, and she has suffered many losses here also. So we thought we ought to record a frank and open discussion about it, we speak of it often.
It is not depressing, at least to me, I smile whenever I think of Red. But I also feel loss, and I did find myself tearing up when I talk about Red, and also the death of Rose.
Please come and listen if you would like, the podcasts are free of charge. If you like them, you are welcome to make a donation, they do cost money to produce. Thanks for your support of our podcasts, they have already been downloaded more than 3,000 times by people all over the country and some of the world. We are registered on Itunes and Google.
You will probably think this is silly, but think about it a bit…. how about putting Red in a wagon at the Mansion & pulling him about on his rounds? He won’t get so tired out & he can still meet with people. Humans get walkers & wheelchairs.
Thanks Nora, I appreciate the sentiment, I will never pull Red in a wagon at the Mansion or anywhere else.
Did you notice that you are reflected in Red’s eyes as you took the picture posted 5/19/19? This must happen often in photographs, but I only just saw it this time, and thought how appropriate and meaningful it is that you are there, as always. In his eyes.
Nothing I do oets me listen t9 this podcastl . I don[t know how to use iTunes. Can you fix it so I can access our pod from the BedlamFarm site as it used to be. So sorry. Would so love to hear your comments bout dear Red–yes, he does feel a lot like my dog too. I’ve been following all of your posts since you got him.
It is accessible from my site, Vella, more than 100 downloads already…Sorry you’re having trouble..
You’ve been so fortunate to have a dog to love; and one who loves you–and everyone else–right back. A splendid companion, friend and co-worker. Ave atque vale.
I posted a note about my dis comfort of not being able ti her this podcast. Something worked and I was able to access it from your blog page. I know you do not welcome any sympathy comments or anything of that sort but one can always talk about ones own feelings with authority7. about ones own feelings.. What Red means to me? Well from day one when you started posting pictures and comments, I have been so very pleased to see him be a part of the story. Well, he has taught me much about how a sheep dog functions; also quite a bit about his therapy work and reflected love of Mansion residents and community member as well. He has brought many, many smiles to my fact as I view yet another picture with Red in it–even the ones where the dot in the background is Red keeping his flock wherever you wish them to be. Yes, so very, very many smiles and enjoyment when the narrative included Red. I will miss him very much as a community member at large who claims to own a bit of this wonderful dog. You’ve done very well in sharing him with all f us. Love to you both.
Jon, you have shared a wonderful life with Red; joyful, meaningful, secure and loved. My heart hurts to think of a world without him but would hurt worse if I thought he was suffering. I know you will make the right choice at the appropriate time – you love him more than all of us.
My brother and his family said goodbye to their beloved German Shepherd, Caspian, today. They knew it was time. You’ll know, too. What a wonderful dog Red is. You’ve given him an amazing life and will give him a dignified death. How sweet to have a heart connection with such a remarkable animal. Thanks for sharing him. XO
“Nothing gold can stay”….
Jon and Maria – I loved this podcast. I respect the way you and Maria talk with each other about some heavy subjects. “You can’t live a creative life if you’re not moving forward all the time.” I could relate to this statement so well. I like to hear about your beliefs regarding responsible stewardship of animals; an animal’s quality of life is the most important aspect of their journey. I believe this applies to humans, as well, though we, as Maria said, have the power of choice whether or not to truly live or merely exist. In a book I read long ago, one line about grief was this: “her grieving seemed so selfish” or something like that. A woman in the book was so undone by grief that she basically checked out of life, her family, her friends, and grief became her story. I can see that grief is not the story that you and Maria tell. Yes, it is a part, but only a part, of this wonderful and glorious life that we get to live. Thank you both!
Hi Jon, I listened to this podcast and thought it was a very thoughtful interesting discussion. I remember a while back when the breeder I got our Sheltie from brought up the subject of euthanasia. She said there were three criteria she always considered when deciding wether or not to euthanize; Is the dog enjoying his food- Is he still able to eliminate outside – Is he happy to see you. Of course it still comes down to trusting your gut but I think these three points are a good place to start.
Me too Barbara, I use those criteria as well as others,such as whether the dog is in pain or not and is keeping their dignity.
Sweet, sweet Red. Thanks again for sharing him (and your life in general) with all of us. Much love to you and Maria ❤️.
Jon and Mari, My most heartfelt sympathy. Red is a special boy. I feel like I know him although I have never personally met him. I remember when Karen first got him. I remember reading the post when you picked him up at the airport , and the love and excitement of Red joining your family. He was so amazingly beautiful that I had purchased one of your photos of him where he is on a hill watching his flock. We even put the photo up on the computer at work where it stayed for a few years. I had one of his offspring, who was a special boy of his own. I know the heartache and sorry of watching them go downhill and eventually losing them. No matter how many dogs you or I have had, or how long we have had them, the hurt is always there. Bless you for giving him a great life. We always somehow know when it is the right time. Give him a hug for me.