If you can, I’d advise you to come back in your next life as one of Maria’s animals, dog or livestock.

Maria is an Equal Opportunity Treat-giver. Every animal gets a carefully chosen and individual gourmet and usually organic treat on Bedlam Farm. If you are chicken, you will get past, ground wheat bread, left over vegetables or fading grapes or soft bananas.

If you are a donkey or a sheep you will celery, carrots, squash, alfalfa blocks, old turkey or chicken franks, stale cereal. If you are a barn cat, bits of salmon or other fish.

If you are an old sheep, you get a cup of grain to fatten you up and keep you warm.

Maria’s emergence for the afternoon chores is a signal for rejoicing from every animal on the farm, they all come running to her. She has something for everyone, and they all know the drill. They are patient and gentle with her.

She puts her carefully chosen treats in a dog food bowl and parcels them out, one at a time.

I thought I was a mush, but I am a hard-ass next to Maria, the animals are understandably fond of her, most of them – except for the dogs or the donkeys – can take me or leave me.

If you can, I’d advise you to return as one of Maria’s animals in your next life. You’d probably have to go to heaven to get through that way. So be good.