The spiritual idea is that if I make my volatile temperament serve good desires rather than bad, I can do better than someone else who is a slave to his temperament.

There is an interesting lesson in there for me, who has so often been at the mercy of my temperament and never thought of making it work for me. I am getting this idea of loving who you are rather than running from it.

St. Thomas said that a human being is good when his or her will takes joy in what is good. Evil occurs when people take joy in what is evil.

I am virtuous when I find happiness in a virtuous life. Could it be as simple as that?

I am known by my end, and also by my beginning. I feel a little freakish and uncomfortable writing about morality and moral choices, it seems so out of touch with the world around us, so stiff and old-fashioned.

Lying is okay, greed is okay, hating the poor is epidemic, as it hatred of the vulnerable, many of us want to slam the gates shut behind us.

We are witnessing either the death of Christianity and the moral world, or its rebirth. I’m leaning towards the latter. I feel a great resurgence in moral values coming, women and the young are marching in a mighty army to take control of the world.

The good man, writes Thomas Merton, worships the age of reason and begins to make choices that are both rational and moral, that is they are for good. This idea did not occur to me until later in life, I made a lot of bad choices that were not good for me or anyone else.

My choices have always been influenced by what happened to me in the first years of my life, and by the temperament with which I was born. My choices now are influenced by the actions of others around me, by the wider world in which I live, by the events of the world in which I live as I can understand them, and by the character of the society around me.

I recent years, I have come to see the society around me as blinded by greed, hatred and disconnection. The world around me still feels free, but the very idea of morality is now a matter of argument, the moral values of religion and politics have all been splintered by our own divisions and disappointments.

I remember telling an analyst after my disintegration that I wanted to make different choices for myself. I wanted to find love, live in a rational way, and try to do good. After 206, these goals crystallized for me, it was the time to put my temperament in harness and ride it towards the end of my life and a more meaningful way of live.

I never get as far as I hope I am or wish I was, but I am moving forward all the time.

I am coming to see that nothing I do, no choices I make occur in a moral vacuum, and in such a divided and conflicted work there is nowhere to turn but to myself, these answers are inside of me, not outside.

In my heart, I know what good is. I know it feels good, I know it lifts people up rather than diminish or persecute them.

I believe in the sacred power of the truth, I place the greatest value on not lying to myself. I am learning that I don’t need the things I thought I needed, the friends I thought I wanted to have, the lies I thought I had to tell, the fears I thought I had to have.

If what I want is good, if my choices are thoughtful and moral, if my mission is to help other people overcome the obstacles that they face, then I am  free to choose good.

That’s where I want to go. There is great safety and peace of mind in that for me.