19 April

Commitment Ceremony Meeting, What Is Commitment?

by Jon Katz

Ruth and Wayne and I meet once a week to talk about their commitment to one another, and the Commitment Ceremony I am planning with them for May 15. We go over the clothes and other donations that are coming into the Mansion from the Army Of Good.

I am also Wayne’s Best Man, but the role is limited. I just hold the ring and put it on Ruth’s finger, Wayne can’t do that.

Yesterday a box of “Ruth and Wayne” napkins arrived, residents and staff are buzzing about them. Ruth showed me her new hair coloring, I gave her a Red wristwatch for the ceremony.

Earlier in the week, a box of extra-large clothes from Canada arrived and Ruth is thrilled with them. They all fit her, and she said they are the most beautiful clothes she has ever owned in  her life. She had very few when she came to the Mansion.

Ruth asked me again today if she can  refer to the event as a “Commitment Wedding,” and I said she was, of course, free to call it whatever she wished.

But I said I wanted  her to understand that this isn’t a wedding, there is no marriage certificate, it is not legally binding and she and Wayne are free to walk a way at any time.

Otherwise, I said, it’s very much the same.  “But,” she asked, “can we be together for the rest of our lives?” Yes, but only if the two of you want to be together for your whole lives. You each keep your freedom to make your own decisions.

They both understand there are solid legal and financial reasons for not getting legally married.  Ruth had her heart set on a wedding, I’ll make this as classy as is possible and feasible. I’m keeping it very simple and nice.

I found some beautiful commitment vows and I’m asking the aides to come up one at a time and each read one for Ruth and Wayne.

These two seem very committed to one another, they each seem to revel in the other’s company. I feel like a minister talking about commitment, but I am comfortable with the subject. They love going over the wedding plans.

They each have their wedding clothes, some borrowed, some new. I’ve ordered the cake and cupcakes and flowers and I am finding good and moving things to read.

They both love Red and want him to be in the ceremony, I have to figure that out. Ruth doesn’t miss much.

“Good old Red,” she said, “you are getting older, but we love you here and we always will, even if you can’t herd the sheep much anymore.”

If you wish to support the Commitment Ceremony of Wayne and Ruth, you can contribute via Paypal, [email protected] or by check, Jon Katz, Commitment Ceremony, The Mansion, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

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