It was Bingo night tonight, a subdued night, I think people had a lot on their minds beyond Bingo.

Afterwards, several of the residents sat down for some quiet time to watch a movie.

I’ve been a hospice and elder care volunteer for some time, and I can say that the hardest part of this work is that people get sick and vanish to nursing homes, or die, and no one is permitted to tell me.

I am, by law, the last to know. Volunteers work in the gray zone, part of the process, but not really in the process, we stake around the edges.

One of the Mansion residents Red and I visited regularly was very ill, I could see that, but I didn’t realize until yesterday that someone else was living in her room, sitting in the chair she used to sit in.

I asked one of the residents where she was, and learned that she had died.

There was also some sadness in the Mansion because Winnie, a Bingo regular and the unofficial caretaker of Summer the Mansion cat, left yesterday to go back to her family.

The doctor cleared her to leave, she had come to the Mansion for temporary relief of a health condition.

I noticed Summer the cat searching for her, the last thing Minnie did before bed was let Summer in, open the stair door to the downstairs rooms, and feed her. Summer spent the night sleeping next to Winnie, she seemed lost. It’s unusual for people to go  home again, the staff was glad for her but also very sad, Minnie was much-loved.

Everyone who lives or works at the Mansion gets used to this, Summer will have to as well.

There is always coming and going at the Mansion, arrivals, departures, disappearances. I wish I got to say goodbye to Winnie, she read every one of my books and played Bingo every Friday.

Sylvie was waiting for me in the Bingo room, she came to tell me her religious community did not want her meditating, so she wouldn’t be coming to my meditation class. I didn’t ask what the problem was, it’s not my concern.

Sylvie looked troubled, and she asked me if I would still like her. I said of course I would, there are no strings attached to my meditation class, I would not only continue to like her, but I said I would continue to love  her. That is what my faith means to me. She seemed relieved, and then smiled.

“Good,” she said, and got up and left.

I wish I got to say goodbye to B, who died recently without my knowing it. I’m not in the loop and do not need to be or want to be. But it hard for when somebody dies and I don’t know it.

People come and go all the time there, sometimes the aides take pity on me – they are good souls –  and let me know what’s happening. But most of the time,  I have to come across the truth myself.

Red rushed into this dead woman’s room tonight looking for her to sit in the chair, where she usually was. He seemed confused, just like Summer was when she was looking for Winnie.

I did feel low tonight at the Mansion, I wasn’t up for kidding or jokes or teasing (I get teased) or too much listening. Maria and i called the Bingo game and left, pausing to receive a few hugs and thanks.

Animals are adaptable, so are humans. Summer will find a new room to settle in, someone else to feed her. Red has other people to see.  I hope my friend had a good and peaceful death.

That’s my life. And life.