Mansion officials met with Ruth and Wayne today, and they both agreed that for now, they wanted a “Commitment Ceremony,” instead of a formal wedding. This is an idea that I really like and so does almost everyone at the Mansion.

There are good financial and other reasons for Ruth and Wayne to avoid a legal marriage right now, I’m not authorized to share this information, or even know some of it.

We are going ahead with everything we planned to do and agreed to do: I’m still a Best Man, we are still preparing a full ceremony – flowers, cake and cupcakes, music. I’m doing the Wedding Planning, just call it a Commitment  Ceremony.

The lives of the elderly, and the bureaucratic laws and structures that regulate them are complex, sometimes even frightening. Many older people avoid getting married formally to avoid loss of Social Security and other payments that they need to survive.

There are serious legal and financial considerations for any elderly couple seeking to marry. Commitment ceremonies raise none of those issues.

Ruth and Wayne are very excited about their relationship, their commitment and the idea of Commitment Ceremony. I met with them this afternoon, both asked if I thought a Commitment Ceremony was legitimate.

I said yes, it absolutely was, it was institutionalized by many gay couples before they could legally marry. Lots of younger people choose Commitment Ceremonies over weddings to avoid any chance of a divorce proceeding.

Commitment Ceremonies are important rituals, I explained to Ruth and Wayne, they are about officially proclaiming one’s love to another before the world, just like a marriage. They are somewhat less formal but full of ritual. The biggest difference is that the marriage certificate, a legally binding document signed during a wedding ceremony, is non-existent in a commitment celebration.

Initiated by gay and transgender couples, Commitment Ceremonies have become increasingly popular among heterosexual couples who choose to commit to love ones without the legal finding that comes with a wedding certificate.

I think this is a good idea, for many reasons. I told Ruth and Wayne they will get everything we talked about – some new clothes, flowers and corsages, cakes and cupcakes, music from their favorite musician, and the blessings of a Christian Minister.

The details of the wedding are still my job, I’m a Commitment Ceremony Planner. Thanks for your help. If you wish to donate in any way to the ceremony, which will be  held on May 15, you can contribute via Paypal, [email protected] or by check, Jon Katz, Wedding, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

Your contributions in other ways are very welcome: cards, decorations, posters, favors. They can be sent to Wedding  Day, The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.