One of the deepest and most important spiritual questions – Pope Francis and the Dalai Lama and Gandhi and Thomas Merton all say so – is: “how well have I learned to let go?”

The photo above is of Gus out in a snowstorm with his San Francisco muzzle. Neither Gus nor the muzzle lasted much longer after this photo was taken.

First, I learned to let go of the life I was giving, filled with secrets and delusion. I learned to let go of dogs, who come and go at their own will, and whose presence in my life is a joy, not a misery. I learned to let go of people who are not healthy, who are not nourishing for me to be with, who draw me into anger and drama and conflict.

In my own life, I’ve learned the importance of letting go. I have learned to let go of angry and hateful people who send me messages, or who simple hate me for who I am and what I believe. I  have learned to let go of friends who take but cannot give. I have learned to let go of my resentment towards people who think differently than I do, or who see the world differently.

In fact, I have learned to let go of hatred, the curse that solves and heals and leads to nothing, ever.

I am learning to let go of my anger at people who do not respect my identity or boundaries, and who presume to tell me what to write or how to live. Or who make presumptions about me and my life.

Letting go is not about surrendering identity, it is about letting go of anger and fear and resentment. I do most of my letting go in solitude, where I can truly think. Letting go of anger has left room for learning how to do good.

I am learning that to do good, I have to let go of the desire to be good. Doing good and being good are two very different things. I don’t need to be an angel or a saint to do good, flawed people can thrive in the realm of good. Perhaps it is because they understand suffering so completely.

I have to hear the cries and imagine the pain of those who suffer, those who are frightened or needy, those who are old or vulnerable. To go good, I have learned to let go of the distractions and preoccupations of life and turn inwards, to be alone and descend into the heart, the only place where I can truly learn to care and find the truth about myself.

There, I am  free to be humble, regretful, broken, crushed, not just by my many faults and flaws, but by the pain of other human beings.

I am learning to let go of what I need, what I want, what I fear. Out of solitude comes the fruits of letting go, where I can see the signs of my faithful expectations of the coming days of joy and meaning.