26 January

Bootie-Gate: The Little Bastard Teaches Me About Life

by Jon Katz

Bud took me out to the woodshed yesterday as I warily entered the world of booties and socks for small dogs and was given a good thumping in reality and capitalism. I call it Bootie-Gate. It was both a scandal and a nightmare.

First off, I understand many people have small dogs who wear booties or socks in cold weather. I learned yesterday – for the 1000th time –  that they are not me, and they are not my dog. I also want to warn people that this world of dog clothing is a swamp, a sinkhole, and sometimes, just a fraud.

Make sure, for example, that the manufacturers are selling FOUR pairs of shoes, not just two as many of them do, obviously to sucker-punch us thinking they are half as expensive as they really are.  Hire a specialist to figure out the sizes. Get a trainer to help get them on the dog. Hire an angel to keep them on the dog.

If you are not a mechanical engineer, don’t think that you can get these things on the dogs yourself.

The sizing incomprehensible, only a psychic could match the shoes and socks with the dog.

And then, there’s this: if you dog has dew claws, as dogs tend to have, it will take you five times as much time to get the sock booties on as it took Bud to pull them off, eat them, or run them through mud and get them sucked off.

Bud needs some protection from the cold, but I am learning not to underestimate him.

The secret for him is short visits outside, not socks. Bud is no dope, he knows where he wants to go. In the bitter cold, he was going into our bathroom and taking dumps there. I respect him for that. But he’d rather follow his nature and the nature of dogs and go outside. In the past three days of frigid cold and ever since I ordered all of these booties, there have been no accidents.

(P.S. I have the Musher’s and other wax. That will be my next step, probably my next humiliation. It’s got to be better.)

Bud is figuring it out. I haven’t.

He is finding spots under the maple tree or behind Maria’s studio where he can do his stuff, I don’t think he really needs expensive footwear at all, I am embarrassed to once again be shown to be dumb and gullible by a dog.

I understand why the farmers with Boston Terriers – they are quite good farm dogs – don’t go for booties, they swear their dogs don’t need them. They are absurdly expensive for tiny polyester contraptions.

And   speaking only for myself, they just don’t work. Or not for long. Any dog with enterprise or wit can get then off anytime. There are ever more expensive shoes – balloons, tape – that stay on longer. Good luck getting them on and off. Beware of Amazon, it is just too easy to buy stuff without thinking.

Bud went through about $37 worth of shoes yesterday in about five to ten minutes. I think he was laughing at me every second of the time.  I couldn’t believe it.  I spent 20 minutes on the sofa with Bud putting his red socks on and three of them were on the floor before he go to the door. The other one came off five steps onto the path.

I had four different pairs of socks and booties to try. None of them worked or fit or stayed.  They were all over the house, all over the yard. Today, they are all in the trash.

Two were the wrong size, despite the elaborate and incomprehensible sizing instructions. I admit I am a disaster with all things mechanical, but I gave Bud a good laugh yesterday.

My nickname for But is “Little Bastard.” I love the spirit and independence of  Boston Terriers, I am learning why the are called “Irish Terrors” in Boston. Bud earned his title once more yesterday, he just had a blast making a fool out of me.

I have no doubt he was laughing at me every step of the way, and it became a compelling new game for Bud as he figured out how ridiculous this venture was and how easy it is to get those things off of him. Little Bastard 5. Human 0.

I love you for it, Bud.

24 Comments

  1. Oh, boy, that made me laugh. I tried different boots for my elderly dog, as she scraped the tops of her front paws when she walked downhill. Sometimes one would fall off when I wasn’t paying attention, and I ended up backtracking quite a ways to find it. She hated the boots. Finally, I gave up, and we didn’t walk down hills anymore. We were both happier. i have to wonder about the videos showing dogs happily running along in their boots.

  2. We live in Illinois and are in the midst of a cold spell and we have small dogs who have short coats like Bud though they are not Boston Terriers just mixes of unknown breeding. I have never put booties or socks or anything on my dogs feet. I take their lead and let them out to do their business and if they are comfortable they stay out and play but if they are cold they come to the door to be let in. I do have the
    luxury of a yard for them to run in so they can figure out where to go and what is best for them.

  3. I thought you were
    Christian!

    I thought you are Christian! Why do you call Bud such bad names, I think he is cute, Public speakers shouldn’t cuss.

    W

    1. Actually, Jean, I’m not a Christian. I’m a Jew turned Quaker. Some of the best Christians I know curse all the time. I like to curse once in a while, I try to be spiritual, but also like to be free.. For me, they go hand in hand. I think Bud is cute too, believe me, he does well in life.

  4. I have been watching this feed with great amusement and sympathy. I have had many breeds over the years, from Border Collies to Italian Greyhounds. Only with the last named breed did the bootie conundrum rear its ugly head. I spent 1 year teaching the first IG to (usually) wear his booties. I was young then, what can I say! I fished a million booties out of snowdrifts, and he usually went to the bathroom outside. Twenty years later, 2nd Italian Greyhound. Put the booties on him, he was “Cool, I can walk on snow!” His booties come off only due to human error. Has he ever gone to the bathroom outside in a snowdrift while wearing his boots and custom-made snow coat? Of course not! I’m pretty sure we can’t win on this one.

  5. …laughing with you. I would have been surprised if it had gone any other way, but you’re to be commended for trying. I hadn’t heard of that wax before you mentioned it, but it certainly has some glowing reviews.

  6. Jon, you gave me my laugh for the day. I can just picture you and Bud in a wrestling match on the couch trying to put those darn socks and booties on. Bud does look rather smug in the photo. Good bye booties!

  7. There is a young lady at our dog park who dresses her similar dog in all kinds of fashions. It is hideous. I cannot believe you even considered it. Next thing the poor creature is going to be wearing is a pink tutu.

  8. This was wonderfully funny and very familiar. Tried them with my drama queen corgis that take two steps on the salted road then stop with one front paw in the air and one back paw lifted waiting for me to take my gloves off and warm/wipe the foot. We have coats but unless wind chill is really low its a bust. I put their coats on and it’s like freeze tag. No one moves. Its all a racket.

  9. I hope the wax works for you. I have tried the boots and the mushers and neither worked for my Stewart. And he DOES NOT like to miss his walks. But until I find what works in frigid weather he will have to. I do hope I find a solution.

  10. One large, yellow lab, four correct-sized ‘boots’ – labs don’t do booties. One paw in TN red clay – “shcluck” – boots stayed put – lab rolled in clay. No more boot experiments for us!

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