I’ve written a number of times about my frustration with male doctors especially surgeons –  many of whom have gone to medical school for many years but never been taught effectively to their patients or sometimes, to talk to them at all.

I’ve shifted to all women doctors for treatment of my general health, my diabetes and heart disease.

I feel a strong chemistry and trust with every one of them.  They all know me and have helped me stay healthy and active, even with two chronic diseases.

But in fairness, it is always unfair to generalize so broadly, and  there are some wonderful male doctors, I’m sure. I’ve just encountered  one, a male physician who is both competent, sensitive and human.

It’s only fair for me  to write about Dr. Timothy Kelling, who is just as nice as he looks. And, in my experience quite rare. I’ve never been sorry to be finished with a dental oral surgeon.

I haven’t written about my implant issues – I really hate writing and talking about my health, it often turns to “old talk,” a fatal social disease.

But it’s part of the story of Dr. Kelling and me

Three years ago, my dentist noticed a problem with a tooth in the top row of mouth. He said it had triggered an infection that was causing a deterioration of the gum and possibly the bone. He said this happened rarely, but was serious. The tooth had to come out.

The tooth was removed, and my dentist urged me to get an implant, to keep the adjoining teeth strong.

He suggested an oral surgeon in Bennington, they removed the tooth.

I had an implant inserted there, and it was a problem from the beginning. I had to return three times for additional surgery before it seemed to settle.

The very male surgeon didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t explain what was going on, or what my options were.

But the implant didn’t settle, from the first,  the implant caused much more trouble than the tooth.

It became infected, but because gum infections are often self-contained, it wasn’t evident beyond some occasional soreness. Several months ago, my dentist did an x-ray and freaked out over the deterioration of the bone above the tooth that was taken out.

She said she thought the implant had failed and urged me to get to an oral surgeon – Dr. Kelling of Northeast Surgical Specialists in Saratoga Springs.

He examined me, and told me there was a serious problem. He said the implant was not healthy, and the area around it was infected and threatened the adjoining tooth.

I was at risk for losing three or four teeth, or sustaining serious bone damage and the risk of greater infection. I was concerned, I knew I might be facing years of painful and expensive surgery. I also trusted this person intuitively.

Dr. Skelling scheduled surgery immediately to remove the implant and clear out the infection and then graft bone in the gum opening and around the adjoining tooth.  He carefully and without rushing, explained what had happened and what we could do about it. I never felt I was taking too much of his time, he never acted as if he were too important to talk to me.

He never bombarded me with data. I always felt like a human being.

I asked him where the bone came from, he said it was cadaver bone.  I did ponder that for a while.

(Thank you, whoever you were.)

I didn’t want to write about this, I wasn’t ready for an avalanche of dental horror stories and advice.

I said what I usually said to doctors I trust, do what you think best. What the hell did I know about implants and bones and infections? I just wanted it to get fixed.

I knew it was a serious surgery because there were four people in the room – Dr. Kelling and three medical techs and nurses – for a  couple of hours.

This was several months ago.  There was a lot of blood and gauze, and I was out of it for a couple of days. Compared to what so many people go through, this was minor.

I have been back several times, including this morning. Dr. Kelling is always patient, he explains clearly what is happening, even as he is examining me. He asks me enough questions about my life to get to know me.

He doesn’t just want to do the work and get out of the room.

He is also very busy. He is also very nice. So are the people around him.

The charge for this surgery was $850, and he charged nothing for three subsequent visits, all with X-rays. I was expecting a bill of $4,000 to $5,000. He was unfailingly courteous and sensitive to me.

The operation was not fun, but he made sure I was in no pain. I felt very confident about him. He did a great job.

I’ve had a lot of encounters with male doctors over the last few years, and this doctor is quite special. I just felt I had to acknowledge that.

I don’t  have to see Dr. Kelling for four months. Part of it is gratitude, I know.

He is pleased at the healing going on in my gums. The bone graft has been successful, my nearby teeth are secure. Today, he removed some loose bone graft fragments. I hope the cadaver was a good writer, that’s what I was thinking, forgive me.

I think I will leave a space between those teeth, I’m not up for another implant.  Maria says it’s kind of cute.

Dr. Kelling’s work was impressive, he saved the adjoining teeth, which were in danger.  And rebuilt the bone around the damaged area. There was no fuss, confusion, or drama. It was not a simple procedure.

I don’t need any further surgery. He really saved me from enormous trouble and pain and expense, or worse.

And he could not have been nicer or more available. The odd thing is that I will miss him. We are not pals, I’m not looking for that. He is just a very good and compassionate doctor.

At the end of our time today, he came around to look at me, and he said he wanted to apologize. I could not imagine what he was apologizing about.

The office had just installed a new computer system and he had to turn his back to me for a couple of minutes to look at my X-rays. He said he was very sorry. I was speechless.

I asked if I could take a photo. He said sure.

I suppose it had to happen sooner or later – I met a male doctor I felt absolutely comfortable with and who knows how to talk. It never pays to generalize.