(Photo by Maria Wulf)

I guess I was lost in my talking to Red, I did not know Maria was taking this photo. It is an exceptionally good one, in that it  captured a special moment in our home.

I had gone to lie down on the floor with Red, it seems to perk him up, he had been lying there for several hours.  It is hard for me to see him so crippled he can’t stand up.

Then  Bud, who had been lying next to Red, rushed over to kiss my nose, as long as I was on the ground, and Fate, who had been sleeping in the other room, came in and hopped up on the footstool to survey the scene.

Everything is Fate’s business. Everything is Bud’s business. Red is the only dog in the house who lives quietly, and within himself. He doesn’t need to know everybody’s business, he does need to know mine.

I do believe Bud especially is aware of Red’s troubles, and is trying to support him. Fate keeps a close watch over Red, like Bud, she adores him, but she is more reserved that Bud, she stays back and watches from a distance, much like me.

Tonight, I thought it was time to get close to Red,  he was aware of me for sure, and looked more alert. I hope he will stand up soon and move around a bit, usually when I go into my study, he finds a way to get there.

Just after I wrote that paragraph, I heard him scrambling pulling himself along the carpet on his front legs, coming to find me. He did, he is lying behind me as I wrote this, he has finally gone to sleep.

We’re off on this unchartered journey, it will take a while, there will be no instant or dramatic or revelatory conclusion. I’m prepared for him to get well, I’m prepared for him not to get well. Nobody knows this future.

Dr. Fariello says the sedatives Red had and the acupuncture almost certainly stirred up his spinal issues, let’s wait and see how he is in the morning. She seems hopeful he will be up and walking.

So the roller coaster begins. You know it, I know it. I tell myself several times a day that no one has a patent on suffering and pain, everyone has it worse than me, everyone is fighting their own battles.

When I tell people Red is sick, they almost always tell me about the dog they had that was sick. This seems to be the almost universal language of the dog world, people trying to tell me they have been there too.

Of course they have, all have, and will again. That is the contract, the toll, the price we pay for loving dogs. No one owns the rights to it. No one’s troubles are better or worse than anybody else’s.

When I hear these stories, I try to listen.