“You cannot tell me who I am and I cannot tell you who you are. If you do not know your own identity, who is going to identify you?” – Thomas Merton.

I am beginning to know my own identity, and I refuse to let anyone take it away from me.

The dark side of social media is that identity is tested almost all the time. Those of us who value identity must defend it almost every day, in our new world it is increasingly common for other people to tell us who we are.

As a nation, we increasingly label other people, even if we have never met them or spoken with them, that is the awful legacy of a world that seems to only two ways to look at the world – left and right.

This labeling is, to me, a poison of the soul.

It shrinks the  mind and relieves us of the obligation to think or listen. It embodies the shrinking of the American Mind. It closes us off to new ideas and smothers empathy and compassion.

Once we label, there is no longer any reason to hear or think or grow.

Once we label another, we become the true identity thieves. It isn’t about money, but something much more precious, our sacred right to know ourselves.

That is an awful formula for the idea of democracy, even though almost all of the labelers believe they are promoting freedom and democracy. I beg to differ.

Discernment is the ability to perceive or to judge something that is spiritual, psychological or moral in nature.

It is considered a virtue: a “discerning” individual is considered to possess wisdom, be of good judgement, especially in regard to important subject matter ignored by other people or society.

Discernment is also a term used in many Christian theologies to weigh different spiritual tools and agents for their moral value and influence. Discernment is the judgement required to understand the true cause of a given impulse.

I value the process of discernment, it is an essential step in the search for a spiritual life, and also in my idea of writing and my blog. Identity is precious to me.

And nothing is more essential to discernment that discerning identity.

“Who am I?” is  seminal question almost every one of us asks throughout life. I ask it almost every day, especially ever since I lost a sense of who I was and drifted away from my core values. Life can do that.

This is what grounding is. This is what spirituality means to me.

Naming ourselves, seeing the different roles we are called upon to play in life, seeking to live by the values and beliefs that add up to our existence as human beings who seek meaningful lives.

The questions I ask:

Are we who others say we are and think we are?

Who am I truly?

Are we good to the people we love, and compassionate to those we don’t know?

Do I speak and write truthfully?

Do I hear the cries of the vulnerable and the helpless?

Is there meaning in my life beyond money and success?

Am I open to love?

More and more I have come to understand the need for me to own my identity. Many people try to tell me who I am and what I  believe? I will not ever surrender to them.

Remembering who I am is the key to discernment and identity, the very definition of soul. The people around me must let me define who I am, and I will do the same for them.

No matter how hard you may try,  no matter how much you think you know,  you cannot tell me who I am and I cannot tell you who you are. If I do not know my own identity, then who will ever be able to know me?