I think of Michael as a pilgrim, really, a fellow traveler on the Hero Journey. We are quite different, yet we are also quite similar in ways I can’t really define.

I’ve written some here about my struggle to understand and define friendship, and my failure to keep friendships.

I always seem to be making friends and then leaving them behind, and I want to warn new friends to be wary.  I am restless and distracted and obsessed with moving forward, perhaps still too fearful of that kind of intimacy, especially from men..

I have in recent years, begun to redefine friendship as somewhat different from the shallow and impossible comic book notions of friendship that I grew up with.

Friendship has been a source of great pain for me. I wanted it so much that I often lost myself in the search for a true friend, even though I could not really tell you what a true friend is or was.

I  got discouraged after the many times when a friendship I hoped for did not materialize, or one began with great expectations and did not last, or  ended abruptly and completely, in drama and anger, or for no reason I ever really understood.

In my mind, there is a gallery of friendships lost, faded or just ended, I sometimes see these faces in my dreams. I blame myself, I know something is broken in me.

Michael lives hundreds of miles away, he has been, along with his then girlfriend, now his wife, who is, in fact, a friend of mine, to two Open Houses, one several years ago, one this weekend.

Michael is a veteran, he has suffered greatly from Post Traumatic Stress  Disorder, and has worked bravely and painfully to recover and interact with the world. He and Becca got married and he came up to see our farm with her.

At one point, Michael told me lived in a trailer for seven years and only ventured out in the middle of the night when he knew he wouldn’t see a soul.

And he didn’t. When I first met him, he could barely handle being around people, could not  join us for dinner, and stayed in the shadows, if he came out at all.

This time, it was different. Michael looked great, he mingled, looked me in the eyes, talked about his recovery, his true soul seemed to have emerged.

I found myself talking to a shy, but warm and open and honest man, I felt an instant connection with him. He  talked very honestly about his time in Hell, I told him some truth about mine.

We were different people, but often ended up in the same places. I lived in a bunker, also, for nearly seven years, my home was a moat, a prison, no one got in until a kind of Princess came and kissed me on the lips and woke me from a dark dream.

Fairy tales do happen, I told Michael, dreams to come true. He felt the same way about Becca.

We know we are both broken, but we both refused to leave it there, we climbed back to a better place.

We all went to dinner Sunday night, and we talked and laughed together for several hours. In the middle of dinner, I talked about my own issues dealing with friends. I was surprised at how comfortable I was with Michael, how much I admired him.

Michael leaned over and came close to me, and said in a low voice, “I would like to be  your friend.”

I felt a surge in the heart and offered my hand, and said, “I would like to be  your friend also.” And we shook on it, traded e-mails. I told Maria afterwards that I felt a strong connection to Michael, I admired his sensitivity, his honesty, his warmth. He was even proud of the fact that he often cried.

I sent the first e-mail, he friended me on Facebook. A start, a channel opened. If feels a bit like two lovers meeting for the first time.

We’ll see what happens. in a sense, friendship takes courage,  you have to dare to love to  be a friend. True friendships are eternal because true love is eternal.

The early Christians – you know, the real ones –  believed that friendships were a personal gift from God, so that we could learn how to love one another. Love  between people, they believed, was offered by God and was stronger than death.

I may not see Michael again for years, or perhaps,  ever. There are few ways in which our lives will ever intersect.

We will not go to ball games together or yak for  hours on the phone or sit and drink beer and watch football games. We will certainly not play golf. I am making some friends with women, I am hopeful about those friendships.

But I learned a lot about friendship from Michael this weekend, and it gave me comfort and hope.

Our friendship is simple: it is heart to heart, a friendship from one soul to another.

I believe the Prophets when they said that every friendship has no end.

Those we have loved deeply and who have died live on in us, and not just a memories. I felt that with my friend Ed Gulley before he died of brain cancer.

Those friends whose hearts have touched are also forever, the friendships cannot be undone or end in drama confusion.

I felt with Michael that our hearts had touched, and I saw that he understood and felt the same way. So I will keep on trying to find true friendship that does not end, and is beyond the grip of foolish and tormented humans.