We spent several  hours this afternoon sitting with Ed and Carol Gulley. I sat with Ed, and then Maria sat with Carol, and then I sat with Carol and Maria went out to help Carol’s tomato garden get planted.

I had a quiet and deeply spiritual time with Ed. He was asleep and exhausted, and he opened his eyes only once, to say hello to me and tell me he could not stay awake. Don’t worry about it, I said, we will sit together in silence.

I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said no, please stay. So I did. I loved sitting there with him in silence. We still felt quite connected to one another.

I saw that Ed is thinner and Carol says his body is weaker. He is no longer able to sketch the way he was, or paint on jars and bottles, at least not today. I am glad I got to offer some of  his sketches and acrylic painting on glass for sale.

The Hospice aide is coming  tomorrow, they will help him be comfortable and polish and trim his nails.

Today, I made the decision to no longer photograph him while he is lying in bed. He was unable to do a video today, and I am not sure he will be able to do any more. If he does, I will videotape him so long as he can  sit up and speak to the camera.

For me, it is a dignity issue. Time to stop.

Maria and Carol are good friends, and Carol needed to talk. I could hear their warm voices out in the kitchen, we both felt she needed to talk today, we were glad we were there. Maria is easy to talk to, open and loving.

I asked Carol she also wanted to do a video with me and talk about what was happening, I apologized for not asking sooner, and she said she wanted to think about it.  She has very thoughtful things to say.

I joined them for a half hour or so and Carol talked openly and honestly about her expectations and emotions. She is strong and perceptive, she is bracing herself for what may come, it might be the worst or it might be the best, she doesn’t know.

I brought over the special sheets she had asked me to get for Ed’s hospital bed, I got them delivered overnight from Amazon. Tomorrow, she asked if I could bring some fresh strawberries from the farmer’s markets.

I said I would be happy to come over with strawberries and sit for Ed.

There is no further need for art supplies.

She said she sees Ed getting weaker by the day, and sleeping more. He is still eating well, and at times, quite clear. Every day, he is weaker, thinner, more tired and increasingly confused about time and place.

No one knows how long Ed’s body will be able to handle this.  I hope Ed has more to say, I also think that almost everything that can be said has been said.