As I mentioned last week, my big beautiful Canon camera died a noble death. Another one is coming tomorrow.

When I first bought my own camera, nearly 10 years ago, I knew very little about photography. I was hiring people to take photos of my farm animals for my books, and I was almost always disappointed in the photos. The best pictures were by a local farmer and friend name Peter Hanks, he had the gift of the artist but wasn’t always present when there was a scene I wanted to capture.

I had just met Maria and she and I became friends. I started taking photographs of dead leaves, they were almost always brown and depressing, reflecting my mood at the time. Some find photographers I didn’t know began critiquing my photos. My publisher thought it was a waste of time and my wife at the time was not impressed.

Maria would call me up around dinnertime and tell me to keep going, she thought I had a gift for image and composition. As she was an artist, this meant a lot to me. We began talking to one another through the pictures, as we were both married to other people at the time and were not thinking of divorce or a deeper relationship.

I was in awful shape mentally then, but deeply committed to my hospice work, Izzy and I would go out every night and take photos of the sunset, and then visit our hospice clients. We saw a lot of death together, too much really, I had to back off somewhat and slow down the number of visits.

I began to grow as a photographer, the camera helped steady me, as it often does for Dyslexics, and I began to seek out the color and light in the world, my photography lifted me up and showed me the bright and true side of life. It changed me   and since then, I have never been without a camera.

As my love of photography deepened, I got divorced and the recession hit and I was surrounded by storms.

My first camera broke and I was desperate to keep it going but no longer had any money. I realized then how important photography had become to me, it seems there was an artist in me also. That’s what Maria said, I chose to believe her.

So I launched a gofundme site, my first exposure to crowdsourcing and my first lesson in the generosity of people. It was a controversial move, as it happened, and many people were outraged that I would ask for help in buying a camera.  Lots of sneering and jeering. Honestly, I think it saved my life.

I also was inspired to use crowdsourcing for people other than me, and I was able to help farmers battling overzealous animal rights organizations, and other people, including a farrier needing knee surgery. People, I learned, were eager to do good, given the chance. This became the foundation for the Army Of Good, which does an awful lot of good.

I am now able to use what I learned from my camera to help Mansion residents and refugees and immigrants in need during this difficult time. It is more satisfying to raise money for other people than for me. Much good came out of it.

I am grateful I don’t have to ask for help again, but I don’t regret that I asked for help then.

I don’t copyright or watermark my photos, almost all of them are free to anyone for any use, and many people do use them as background photos or print them out. I love that. I’ve given away tens of thousands of photos, and I will never stop doing that, I am so appreciative of the help I got when I needed it. Sometimes I sell photos that people hang up on their walls, that is gratifying also.

Last week, after my beloved Mark III died, I just went and ordered another one. I got a great financing deal,  I have 24 months to pay with no interest. The camera will cost about $3,300 and is slightly more powerful than the previous one, the detail should be sharper, the color richer. It’s coming tomorrow. It feels very good to be able to do that myself.

I love the Iphone photos I take, but my camera is a full frame and cell phones don’t yet match up to that in my mind, although people take wonderful photos with them, including Maria.

Photography is so special for me. My love of Maria was born through photography, our friendship deepened through my photos, without her encouragement I doubt I would have kept going. Tomorrow, the new camera arrives, I feel quite incomplete without one, and this will, i hope, launch yet another chapter in my creative life.

I will use my Iphone for videos, my camera for stills. My photography has branched out quite a bit since I started, I do portraits, which I love, landscapes, animal shots, and in the Spring and summer, I try to capture the beauty of flowers.

I have become a warrior for colors and light, and I believe that photography reveals my true soul, to me and to other people.  Photos don’t lie, they define the very center of my being, they are not a hobby for me, they are me and my life.