There is only one way to get Lisa to smile for a photograph, and that is to mention the name of her husband Abdul, a young Afghan man who worked for the U.S. Army in Afghanistan driving food supplies to Americans on military bases.
One morning several years ago, he was killed in a roadside bomb, targeted by terrorists seeking out Afghans who worked with Americans and killing them and their families.
Lisa, who is now 27, but has an older face, was left in terror with two small children. She said she loved Abdul very much, she misses him every day and thinks of him always. She hid with her children for months. She had no money or other resources.
I spent more than an hour with Lisa and Ali in a Dunkin Donuts in Albany, N.Y., and the only time she smiled when was she mentioned Abdul and thinks of him. She is quiet and shy, her heart, she says, was broken that day. She does have a beautiful smile.
Like all of the Afghan Muslim women I have met, she was frightened about having her photo taken by a strange man.
I told her, as I often do, that it was necessary to photograph her in order for people to help her.
I said I promised the people called the Army Of Good that they would see the faces of everyone they help, and I have not broken that pledge. As a reporter, I cajoled and pled with people all the time to talk to me and pose for me, I am sometimes disturbingly good at it.
I said I would not use Lisa’s last name or mention her village, she has relatives still living in Afghanistan, and they are not able to come to the United States now. She is worried about them.
After Abdul was killed, Lisa knew she was a target. For weeks and weeks, she simply stayed in bed and other hiding places cried for Abdul, she remembers little of that time.
“When Abdul was there, the whole family was so happy,” she said. “He was a good and loving man, he loved to play with the children and he was proud to work with the Americans.” The sadness in her face when she speaks of him says so much, I think there is not much laughter in her life now.
Lisa has no bitterness or anger at the challenges life has brought her way, she is still mourning her husband and worried about her brother and her children. It is a difficult thing for many of the refugee women who come here, they are under so much pressure to enter our culture and get a job.
It is difficult for Americans to understand that taking a photo can be a death sentence, or that giving up a hajib can make the difference between getting a job or not. For many of these women, getting a job outside of the home was unthinkable. They are doing it.
Lisa is determined to make a good life for them in America, but like many refugees, she is struggling to climb out of the dark hole that can often be the first days of the refugee experience, especially now. Until recently, the federal government helped the refugees acclimate to the country with subsidies and special programs. Those are almost entirely gone.
Lisa was finally able to flee to Pakistan with her brother Sdiq, who is now 17, and her two children, Basser, who is seven, and Mudsir, who is five. She was pregnant with Mudsir, her daughter, at the time of Abdul’s death. When she came out of hiding, she made her way to a United Nations refugee camp in Pakistan and admitted to the United States in 2016. She would almost certainly not be admitted today.
She came to Albany and has been taking care of her children and taking English classes. She is working hard to acclimate.
She did speak some halting English, we were able to communicate most of the time. Ali filled in the blanks. She said it was very hard for her to talk about the bombing that killed Abdul, I could see that this was so.
She is in great difficulty now because of her brother, Sdiq. He lives with her, and she is responsible for him.
In Afghanistan, Sdiq never went to school of any kind, he worked odd jobs there. When they came here, welfare officials, gave Lisa a rent subsidy for an apartment she says is overrun with mice and roaches. But they said Sdiq had to go to school, or they would cut off her subsidy.
Sdiq reported to a local high school, but he spoke no English, had never set foot in a school, understood nothing about what was happening, and the school made no special arrangements for him there. He was frightened, ridiculed and unable to function there. He left school, and local welfare officials immediately cut off her subsidy.
Lisa used up what little money she had paying the rent, she now has no money and cannot work until she learns more English and her children are older.
She could not explain to city welfare officials why Sdiq could not return to school, they said it didn’t matter what she said, they had cut off her rent. Confronted with the choice of forcing her brother to leave or letting him stay, she chose to let him stay. Sdiq, says Ali, is desperate to work and help the family, but he is legally too young at 17, and is caught between two cultures.
We have a good plan, I think, for helping Lisa. We contacted a state housing authority and they examined her case and said they would find a suitable apartment for her, pay the full rent, but the apartment would not be available until September.
This special housing program is well-regarded by the refugees and local immigration officials. There are long waiting lists.
The authority inspects the apartments regularly and insist that the water and electricity are working, that there are no rodents or roaches, and that the landlords repair any damage or broken pipes or doors.
With their support, Lisa will have a clean and comfortable apartment and the rent will be paid until she can find work. Sdiq will be able to stay there, and soon, he will be old enough to work. There is no way to get her out of her apartment until September.
It took a lot of questions from Ali and me to get Lisa to admit that while she had food – food stamps – she had no money for anything extra.
She said she could not afford deodorant and good clothes or shoes for the kids. She hung her head when she told us that on the eve of Eid, an important religious holiday celebrated by Muslims worldwide to mark the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting in honor of the prophet Mohammed, she had no new clothes for her children, as is the custom.
Earlier in the day, we gave $300 to Hawah, whose children had no proper clothes for the Eid ceremony on Friday, tomorrow.clothes for the ceremony.
Today, I gave Lisa $500 so that she could buy clothes, some extra food, personal items for herself and her children, and things like soap and towels.Tonight, Ali is taking Hawah’s children and Lisa’s children shopping for clothes for Eid.
Her story left me saddened and speechless. Lisa has the saddest eyes I have ever seen on a 27-year-old women, she has endured hard and unrelenting years.
She does not have a bank account, so Ali will cash the check and give the money to her tomorrow.
“With this money,” Ali said, “she can live like a human being again, she will use is very wisely.”
Lisa was embarrassed to meet me in her apartment today because of the roaches and mice, but she invited me to meet her children next week in the apartment.
So our plan is this, Ali and I talked about it this afternoon. We will give her small amounts of cash for herself and her children until September, when her new apartment will be available. If necessary, we will support any efforts for extra tutoring in English. We will make sure her children have the clothes they need for school and the shoes they need.
We will communicate with the housing officials who are finding an apartment for Lisa and her family. We will meet with Sdiq and see if we can help him in any way.
Lisa struck me as the nicest person, a very gentle soul.
We are helping the refugees in a very direct and bounded way. We are changing lives and outcomes, thanks to the Army Of Good..
Saad is happy and secure in his new apartment. Hawah and her children are safe and comfortable in their new three-bedroom in apartment, they are out of the homeless shelter that was a horror for them, and Hawah has been hired by a dress shop. Shaheen gave her landlord the $600 we gave her and she can remain in her apartment for the foreseeable future.
We are finding that we can help some of these refugees buy the time they need to get settled, and we can help them navigate the bureaucracies and bureaucrats who control so much of their early life in American.
Please help me help Lisa if you can she is a good mother and a good person who needs some support so she can, as Ali says, live like a human being in the land of plenty. Her husband gave his life for America, and that encourages me to return the favor.
It will cost us little benefit her greatly. Small acts of great kindness.
If you want to help Lisa or any of the refugees here, please send a contribution to me at Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected].
It is so much better to do good than argue about what good is. The refugees are us, our brothers and sisters, they are our story, told anew. Thanks for any help you can offer.