Mother’s Day has a lot of jumbled meaning for me and for many others. I loved my mother, but could not bear to be near her, she was always dangerous and hurtful to me and my sister. She was desperately needy for love, and sought it in all of the wrong places, and all of the wrong ways.

I also admire her for fighting the many losing battles she fought to live her very creative life despite the many obstacles thrown in her path at every stage of life by uncaring and domineering men. I am sorry she did not get to live in this time, where there is so much support for women and powerful new tools for them to use in building their lives, getting help,  and making their own decisions.

None of those were available to her, which was a tragedy to see.

I think I have come to understand my mother better in the  years since her lonely death in ways that I was not able to see or understand in  her lifetime. But I am not able yet to forgive her. I accept that this is the reality of me and her, sometimes you just have to let go.

I spent many years recovering from her love and anger, and I hope her powerful spirit is at rest. I will always be grateful to her for supporting my creativity and urging me to follow my bliss and fight for my life.

This morning, I am thinking of a very different kind of mother, Hannah, Gus’s Boston Terrier mom who, we believe, may now be pregnant, hopefully carrying our next puppy. We’re not sure yet, but it looks good.

So I want to wish Hannah a Happy Mother’s Day and also thank Robin Gibbons, our breeder, and a person of great decency, warmth and courage.

Robin’s husband died several years ago, and Robin went to work as a bartender at our local American Legion. Then she and her son Brian decided to breed the Boston Terriers they love so much.

Maria and I were both struck by her honesty, warmth and diligence. She didn’t breed for the money, she did it for the experience of Hannah being a mother, which she thought this sweet little dog would love. Every morning, she takes her two Boston Terriers for their “ride” around town in her car.

Hannah did love being a mother, and Robin was careful to choose a gentle sire, she didn’t want Hannah to be treated roughly.

it went smoothly and as planned until Gus got sick and died, and that was as or more painful to Robin as it was for us.  She thought she could never breed again.

She agonized about breeding again, but after a lot of soul-searching and research and encouragement from us and others, she bravely choose to breed again.

It was a hard decision, and I admire Robin for making it. She is full of love. We are, of course, grateful to her and have come to value her as a friend. Hannah will, I am sure, love being a mother again.

I have to think of Maria also, who did not choose to be a mother and does not care to be called a mother. But I do think of her on this day, mostly because she is the kind of person every mother ought to be in my mind – loving, nurturing, generous and fiercely independent and supportive.

Maria has always chosen her own path, not the path her family or men or others chose for her. I never think of her as a mother or as a mother figure to me, she is my lover and partner. But I have so benefited from the love and joy she has given me,  I wish every child could experience it.  A lot of people and many animals receive her boundless love.

Our world would be such a wonderful place.

So to the wonderful women in my life, mothers and lovers and nurturers on this day, those in the present and those in the past,  I love you and give thanks for you. Love is the answer.