Every day, the fascinating dynamic unfolds, people are urging me to get bigger, do more, expand in some way, while I, a lifelong wastrel, go smaller. I had this quite remarkable exchange from a reader who wanted to send me a check for $10,000 to completely re-furbish Saad’s spartan apartment, and help him buy a car.

I didn’t blink, I said thanks, but it was too much money, for her, for him, and for me. And for our work together.

All day people offered me cellphones, computers, money for cards. It was generous and warming, for sure.

But I kept remembering what I had learned over the past year: stay small, think small, support these need people, don’t take over their lives.  A friend suggested I get a lawyer to look at ways to grow. I said a lawyer was the last thing i wanted in my life and work. And I have no desire to get bigger.

Saad couldn’t handle a oomputer now, and all he needs is some posters and paintings on the walls.

And we have them. One friend is sending some framed prints, an artist in Vermont is donating two watercolors. I accepted $500 to help Saad pay his cell  phone monthly fees, and another five hundred for some orthopedic chairs. Next  week, I’ll  bring him a $200 TV set.

Ali has discovered a local cell phone provider who is offering a special promotion, and will give Saad an I phone 6 for $200 and the dying old phone he carries around with him, but has not been able to afford to use for a year.

I knew it was dangerous to overwhelm Saad, to give  him things he can’t know how to use, and can’t afford to pay monthly fees for. It’s just a pathway to trouble down the road.

Ali and I had a long talk about how to help him, and we are going ahead with plans to get him a new cell phone, one everyone around him knows how to use, enough month to pay the monthly fees, hopefully for a year,  a new 32 inch screen TV, money for a deposit on  cable  installation for Internet and TV.

Also an old lamp or two from thrift stories, a new radio being sent from the Midwest, and another round of groceries. We will stay in touch with him, but that help is appropriate and proportionate. He needed a lot.

Next week, we must turn out attention to others, first a mother from Syria with two small children, nor car or money and a paraplegic husband severely injured in a recent accident. She was recently evicted from an apartment because she was $75 short for two months. She has a job, but can only work so many hours because of the children. She makes minimum wage cleaning floors.

She is now living with her  children in a city shelter. She needs help more urgently than Saad, now that he is in his apartment,  although we will continue to help him insofar as we can. The challenge is to use our resources wisely and thoughtfully, and to know when to let go and move on.

But the truth is, she doesn’t want or need thousands of dollars. She wants $75 a month for a few months to get an apartment, perhaps even her old one back, and continue to look for better paying work, or work longer hours. This, and perhaps some groceries, is something we can do, it is a small act of great kindness. Every week, I have to fight myself and resist the impulse to do more – the need is so great. If I do that,  I soon won’t be able to help anybody.

This morning, another great example of small acts – I gave Guerta at the Mansion two books written in Creole, the only language she speaks. The look on her face was priceless, she loves to read but has had nothing to read for a long time. This cost $14 and will alter her life at the Mansion. For more than a year, I’ve watched her sitting quietly on sofas looking out the window. Turns out she is an avid  reader.

So please don’t send me $10,000 of your money, i know few people will do that, perhaps no one ever will again, and i’ve pangs of regret. But. smaller amounts are welcome and very much-needed, and more in line with my philosophy of how to keep this working. I don’t mean to suggest I don’t want help. I cannot do this alone.

If you wish to donate to this work of good, you can send a contribution to the Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, Post Office Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]. We are locating families who need help that we can provide, help that makes a difference and lasts. Help in small, not enormous amounts.

Just look at how long it took me to get sensible.

Thanks for your help.